You might be able to see from my post history but I have a myriad of social problems. For context, I am a mid 20's, ex muslim dude who grew up in an ethnic enclave in a western city. Most of the people I grew up with have their own distinct urban culture, like UK rap/hip-hop and are generally dating and sleeping around, barring some. It's basically a very cool and hip scene, whilst also sharing similar religious and cultural background, both of which I am unable to relate to now.
Unfortunately I do not share many of these interests, I was always focused on political events, religion, sociology etc when I was younger, which wasn't the focal point for any person my age, and till this day I struggle to find people my age who care (it's kinda telling when you look at religious and philosophical apologists on youtube and what not).
I was an outcast, I remember girls didn't want to sit next to me in class lol, girls called me boring (I was very reserved and I had a reputation for being 'violent', I didn't like conflict as I was easy to trigger and triggering meant violence, although I never started violence, when I got triggered the emotions were too intense and thats why I acted how I did.
It's not just bad with women, two people I call closest friends, aren't really too close to me either, just by association and the occasional text messages, they have their own interests (i.e. uk rap, and football), which I once again do not share.
I once tried to create an instagram, and tried to follow two people I knew, both of them ignored my requests, and knowing how frequently they are on their phones, I waited like 2 days before I was embarrased and took the whole thing down. I had numerous instagrams, because I heard that it was a good way to meet girls, and make yourself known. Unfortunately no one wanted to follow me, and I have never been asked in person by work colleagues or others to give my instagram.
Same thing for dating apps, was on it for 2 years and not a single date, most success I had was talking to a girl for 5 days before it all went haywire. Bearing in mind this was when I became leaner, hit the gym and was generally trying to self improve. Tinder and Bumble, Christian dating apps are incredibly depressing for me.
I work nightshifts, it's a dead end job with no career progression, around 70-75% of the dudes I work with are single, many a drunkards and even weed smokers at 50. I have never touched the stuff (too cowardly to do so, also I cope by thinking I have an intelligent brain and don't want weed to destroy my braincells, even though I am literally pushing pallets allday lol)
I usually wear a mask, in hope of finding acceptance of validation and acceptance, I'm a good boy to my parents, I dont interfer in the affairs of my household, I don't put people into uncomfortable positions to get my own way (i.e. with my boss for exampe).
Seeing how this mask has failed me, I am considering taking it off now, although I know that taking it off will make me more confrontational, becoming confrontational will further isolate me from people (considering I have no one who I can relate to lol). I could possibly cope by trying to be my authentic self and see if that attracts people to me.
There's a nuclear option of getting married back home (arranged). The issue with this is I do not share any commonality with religion or culture with ethnic people, and the women in my culture tend to be very strong willed which is highly problematic for me (I have been described as low energy, passive, non dominant etc, which would be absolute hell for me.
What do you guys reckon? Looking for perspective...