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q4w: If you have a history of leaving your past bf's, wouldnt it be dumb to invest time and energy into a relationship with you?

_Duriel_1000_
November 14, 2022
4 upvotes
/r/AllPillDebate

If you have left all of your last boyfriends, shouldnt your next bf avoid investing too much time and energy into your relationship? Wouldnt it be dumb to get emotionally attached to someone who has a history of leaving their boyfriends?

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Title q4w: If you have a history of leaving your past bf's, wouldnt it be dumb to invest time and energy into a relationship with you?
Author _Duriel_1000_
Upvotes 4
Comments 13
Date November 14, 2022 6:46 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/q4w-if-you-have-a-history-of-leaving-your-past-bfs.1139849
https://theredarchive.com/post/1139849
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/yv8nwx/q4w_if_you_have_a_history_of_leaving_your_past/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Most people have exes.

The question is why did a person leave their exes? Do they drop people because they get bored or always want something new or better? Did their exes treat them poorly? Was it simply a matter of incompatibility?

I've always asked about a person's exes on the second date because how a person talks about their exes speaks volumes. Anyone who claims they all sucked, won't shut up about an ex, or has a ridiculous reason for leaving isn't worth my time. Someone who calmly explains their ex was obsessively frugal or too messy or they had different life goals is fine.

[–]HateSpeechFanBoy 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m guessing someone with no ex isn’t worth your time either

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why?

[–]HateSpeechFanBoy -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because you put so much emphasis on why someone left their ex. You probably wouldn’t like the reasons of why someone has no ex

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Again, it would depend on why. A person who's never been married can be far healthier than a person who's been divorced...

[–]truthstobetold -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have 1 "ex", it was my very awkward first "love" and relationship. It was very weird. He never introduced me as a girlfriend (only once, when aske by a senile aunt).

We was something for 1.5 years. Not much, but still quite some time, enough for me to find out what I truly wanted.

He kept telling me he didn't see a future together, that his friends didn't really like me and he didn't think about me alot.

So when a new boy showed interest in me, I broke it off and got together with my now current bf of 4 years.

Had it not been for my ex, I wouldn't have had the experience to be together in a happy relationship today. If I break up with my current bf, I would have even more experience, regarding what I wish for in a relationship, what I have to work on and what to do and not to do (like you can't and shouldn't try to change people, but should allow them to grow).

My mom have sort of the same story, however it took her 20 or some relationships to work out her needs and herself.

Some people need time, to find out, they have to work on themselves. Others are just unlucky. I would say, that no relationship is ever a waste of time, if you are allowed to change, to grow and to reflect.

It's all about the journey, not the destination -kind of mentality.

And I'm not saying I'm gonna throw away my current bf for someone "better". I like taking the journey with him, and as long as he also likes to take it with me, and wants to take the journey with me, so do I, and neither do I seek or wish for a better suiter to appear. :)

Don't know if it made any sense... Good luck finding love, if anyone needs it <3

[–]_Duriel_1000_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Firstly, thank you for being one of the few to actually respond.

So when a new boy showed interest in me, I broke it off

I talk about this EXACT thing in my new book!! In my book, I state there are only two type of women, those striving to be with one man for the rest of her life, and those striving to be with multiple. I clearly state that there is NOTHING wrong with a woman with multiple men.

I also talk about how to determine which one your girl is.

I mention that when a woman wants to be with one man for the rest of her life, she wont waste time with men she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with, where on the other hand, a woman who is striving to be with multiple men will spend years with a man without vetting him, and using him.

If I break up with my current bf, I would have even more experience, regarding what I wish for in a relationship, what I have to work on and what to do and not to do (like you can't and shouldn't try to change people, but should allow them to grow).

Yes, the more bodies, the more experience, the higher your bar, the less men that could meet that bar,

And I'm not saying I'm gonna throw away my current bf for someone "better".

Okay, but then you say..

and neither do I seek or wish for a better suiter to appear. :)

But when a better suitor DOES APPEAR, you will move on like you did before. (And there is nothiing wrong with that)

[–]rurunoa 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah 😆

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

In my case,all guys left me lol.

But anyway,yeah it would be dumb since I am not feminine material.

[–]h1shman 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Did they say why?

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah

[–]Odd-Luck7658 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, no. You always leave your past boyfriends, that’s why they are past. You stop leaving past boy friends when you find the one you want to stay with Forever. This is the normal journey.

[–]_Duriel_1000_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You stop leaving past boy friends when you find the one you want to stay with Forever.

So, you thought your 1st bf was your forever? Or at some point did you think your last bf was your forever? Did you tell your bf that they aren't your forever?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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