q4w: Why does it appear that Western women dont want to start families? Do they prefer just to be on the cc indefinitely?

FightMeCthullu · 2022-10-02T15:08:03+00:00

As a woman who doesn’t want children or like a ‘family’ in the traditional sense, here’s why in order:

I knew from the age of 12 I didn’t want to have kids. At all. Don’t get me wrong I love children (fucking funny little things that they are) but I could never see myself with my own. I never knew why but now that I’m 25 I can put words to it in a way I never could before.

Babies and kids are a fuckton of work. I never could imagine how much work until I helped looked after my niece who is under 1 year old. I always knew babies were constant but hell in a hand basket that constant being NEEDED was exhausting. If I wasn’t playing with her I was feeding her, if I was t feeding her I was changing her, if I wasn’t changing her I was trying to get her to sleep. And while she slept I tried to clean up the hurricane left in her adorable wake. I was almost driven nuts after as single week. I had no time to just sit and think if it wasn’t about her. And I’m not cut out for that.

As a child I sort of knew babies were a lot of effort but as an adult who recently cared for one, I know I’d be out of my depth and unable to cope.

2: family history of mental illnesses. Self explanatory. But for a more clear explanation - I was 5 when I started seriously imagining dying and how much happier I’d be if I was gone. 5. I felt that way most days until I was 23 or so and got a handle on how to care for my brain. I can’t imagine passing that down. The chance would be small but it would be there.

Also I have ADHD so like….possibly going off my meds for ages? Not great. Not at all.

3: practical reasons - money. It’s 50/50 if I’ll ever own a house so if I’m that uncertain about supporting myself how could I support a child? Props to people who can make it work but I know I couldn’t.

4: loss of identity. I’ve seen too many women cease being anything but a mother after the kids are born and I can’t do that.

5: health reasons in general - gestational diabetes, pre eclampsia, varicose veins, aches and pains….like that’s before the kid gets there. Those are all possibilities because they run in my family. Fuck that.

6: vanity reasons - my body will change and I don’t want it to I like how I am right now and it took a long time to get to that point.

Any 1 of those reasons is a fine one to not start a family. Health, career aspirations, mental health, money….most younger people do not have secure housing or a guarantee of the money you’d need to raise a child. It’s expensive and hard and a huge time sink and draining.

If it’s not an excited ‘yes’ to kids it should be a ‘no’. Children don’t ask to be born and if we bring them here we should be excited and we should love them. I know I would struggle as a mother so discounting everything I just said that’s why I don’t want to be one.

Women get more options these days and I’m not surprised many are choosing to not put themselves in a position they know they’d hate.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-10-02T15:32:19+00:00

Because that's what being free to do what you want looks like.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-10-02T07:57:14+00:00

yes but women are never alone

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-10-02T04:51:49+00:00

All but 2 women I know over the ago of 25 have children.

One is by choice one is medical reasons.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-10-02T13:57:18+00:00

they just want to start them later. career and other things are starting to take priority

kokorwqac · 2022-10-02T15:06:19+00:00

because western men wanted easy sex, this is it's consequence

men lead the women in their community, this is western men's(at least, the ones in power's) fault.

2022-10-02T18:24:12+00:00

Short answer is the current economic system

lizzy1289 · 2022-10-02T19:03:12+00:00

We do, we just don't want to start them with you.

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2022-10-02T02:21:45+00:00

I am not sure about western women.

I don't want to start families because pregnancy ruin your body with all these disgusting changes.I would rather take adopted one.I also see motherhood as very thankless job.I think I would make bad mom.

Like I am dressing and cooking for him,then kids come ruin all plans,boob sags, stretch marks increase,you get tired,libido goes down,now what you are going to do for husband?I would focus on being good wife rather than good mom.But I know man wouldn't like it.Also if marriage ends, spouse died,no one will want me.

I am type of person if kid says," I love dad more" and I will not give shit about it.So I don't give shit if people are saying more women are turning childless which is not bad news to me

Kids are annoying to raise and it is mom's job because dad mostly raise teens or adult.

I know my opinion is very shallow or edgy but this is what I believe.

I personally believe couple with same age starting families ( which is normal nowadays)is not good idea unless they takes effort for it.

For me, Starting family is only good idea if you are 18-23 and married to wealthy man who is much older than you so even if you turn ugly after kids,you will be still young in his eyes.Also with money,it is so so much easier to raise kid,with good parenting skills, raising kids will be fun.

But one thing thing I sometimes get confused about western women,they don't have to worry about child's gender.Thats advantage that at least you can raise kid with no mother- in- law drama.

If I am pregnant, first thing I will worry about is my child's gender.

mcove97 · 2022-10-02T17:51:09+00:00

Why does it appear that Western women dont want to start families?

Lots of reasons. For starters, lots of women are realizing that the childfree lifestyle is an option and that they don't have to have children just because that's what women have traditionally done. Some women are not interested in the role of being a mother or interested in raising their own children. I'm a childfree woman so all the things I'm mentioning here applies to me. Having children is also very expensive to raise, and women need to work to raise their children, because one income isn't enough, which limits their freedom, also financially. Having children is also a massive time sink, a hobby for 18+ years if you will. That's a huge commitment. Way bigger commitment than marriage. I'd argue divorcing a partner you no longer want or is happy with is easier than adopting a child away you no longer want or is happy with. Not to mention pregnancy and birth, which can be incredibly harmful to woman's physical and mental health. Some women are permanently injured for life, or worst case scenario, die, from complications due to pregnancy or birth. Some women also want to focus on their careers, and mixing children and careers is exhausting, so they choose to do what they want or enjoy more, which is work. Also let's not forget that women have better access to birth control and abortion than ever here, so they can prevent having unwanted children to a far larger degree.

Do they prefer just to be on the cc indefinitely?

No, not necessarily. Lots of childfree women want long term commitments/relationship or even marriage with other childfree men. They just don't want children for the reasons mentioned above. It doesn't necessarily have anything to wanting to be in the cc indefinitely. Not wanting children is not synonymous with wanting to live the sex and single life.

All in all is argue a large reason why women don't want to start families, boils down to having a sense of personal freedom, that just isn't achievable with children.

You should check out the childfree subs for more info.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-10-02T03:34:39+00:00

Women in the west seem to be so focused on not needing men that they dont really care about starting a family.

Men are not needed in the west to start a family, there's sperm banks, IVF,adoption agencies and hookups apps that women can use to find the ideal man to procreate with and the ideal child to have.

Most Western women dont even strive to be with one man for the rest of their lives, let alone starting a family. Doesnt that mean western women will continue jumping from man to man indefinitely?

Western women were never really invested into monogamous relationships, they were simply forced into them. Enforced monogamy was the law of the land and now that it is all but disabled, Western women are adapting to their preferred mating strategy of only going for the top 20% of men. These women will continue to share the same man with 100's if not thousands of women in hopes of landing those men.

What will happen when western women no longer attract the men they desire? Will they be content alone with cats?

This is already happening as we speak. Most women will eventually age out of being able to land the top 20% of men in their age group for hookups. In the past they would settle for an average guy, marry him, have a couple of kids and get a divorce after 8-10 years. Nowadays, they refuse to settle and simply will stay single while hooking up with younger average to above average men. From what I've seen, most women seem to be pretty content with this arrangement.

SilentFroggy · 2022-10-02T15:48:36+00:00

It seems like women are encouraging others to be on the cc.

nothatyoucare · 2022-10-02T20:47:13+00:00

There's plenty of people as is OP. We could stand to decrease by a few billion people on this planet.

BitsAndBobs304 · 2022-10-02T22:16:06+00:00

I'm a man and Im antinatalist

2022-10-03T01:17:40+00:00

i dont want kids or to be on the cc. I just want to live in peace.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2022-11-23T21:01:39+00:00

You are making up a lot of nonsense here.

Title	q4w: Why does it appear that Western women dont want to start families? Do they prefer just to be on the cc indefinitely?
Author	_Duriel_1000_
Upvotes	13
Comments	62
Date	October 2, 2022 2:04 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/q4w-why-does-it-appear-that-western-women-dont.1139548 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139548
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/xtcn4s/q4w_why_does_it_appear_that_western_women_dont/