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The one brutal truth imo that no one can run away from is that not being NT (neurotypical) will nuke everything.

facingitall
March 7, 2023
11 upvotes
/r/AllPillDebate

Sure looks and other things matter up to a point but even someone ugly can have a decent social and dating life if they're neurotypical. In fact, the more neurotypical they are, the more all the other theory breaks down and theoretical autistic rules people come up with are stretched.

Most of the people here with serious struggles in their social and dating life (and I mean with real people not online discussion) are because they have autism. There are exceptions but this is the main cause. The main ones that still have issues in late age 30-40+ tend to have autism.

I'm sure if you have mild autism and you're the most attractive person in the world or have something else to offer, and/or the other person is very empathetic then they will be tolerant of you but if you're not with someone who's also autistic then good luck with that relationship.

It's very rare for an NT and ND marriage to end up well. Just google "NT and ND marriages" and you'll see how brutal it is. In fact, I don't even need to cherry-pick a post. Type it into yourself into google and you'll see the vast majority of posts consisting of NT partners wanting to divorce and absolutely disgusted by the thought of ever dating a non-NT person again.

I've learned this from first-hand experience as well and in both dating AND general social life. You can hit the gym and be fit, have fabricated social status, a great job, be tall, average to slightly above average looking etc. All of that only increases the illusion that people have of you before you open your mouth. As soon as you speak and interact, the social faux pas start happening and it's only a matter of time before people sense it.

On the topic of social skills, I've found that it only trains your "mask" to improve. However, the "mask" is only a temporary delayer. This means that instead of people sniffing you out in like 5 minutes, it might take one hour. That's about it though. You just delay the inevitable.

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Title The one brutal truth imo that no one can run away from is that not being NT (neurotypical) will nuke everything.
Author facingitall
Upvotes 11
Comments 36
Date March 7, 2023 9:02 AM UTC (3 weeks ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/the-one-brutal-truth-imo-that-no-one-can-run-away.1154176
https://theredarchive.com/post/1154176
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/11ku5eb/the_one_brutal_truth_imo_that_no_one_can_run_away/
Red Pill terms in post
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Top posts by facingitall

Seeing how everyone is coping is fucking hilarious lmaooo

13 upvotes
March 16, 2023
/r/AllPillDebate

Being Non-Neurotypical is fucking brutal

7 upvotes
March 19, 2023
/r/AllPillDebate

The creation of pills seems to come from a need to seek certainty

5 upvotes
March 22, 2023
/r/AllPillDebate

Do you just give up a large portion your alone/me time for your dating and social life?

2 upvotes
March 18, 2023
/r/AllPillDebate

A lack of being able to experience intimacy might seem like a death sentence to some of you. But honestly, what's far worse is not being able to exist as a human being around others unless it's for an overt shared purpose.

1 upvotes
March 23, 2023
/r/AllPillDebate
Comments

[–]LainselBluePill 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm in two minds about this. On one hand, how is a short/ugly guy supposed to get passed step 0 which is meeting the looks threshold of a right swipe to begin with? On the other hand, I've seen how autism can ruin a person's life, especially if he's male.

I'd rather remain autistic and be tall and handsome than be nt and ugly though.

[–]facingitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can have a social and dating life as an ugly NT. I can't say the same as an autistic tall handsome person. You'll get your foot in the door but you'll find it harder to maintain long lasting relationships with friends and partners.

[–]crypto_druid 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You do realise there is more to life than tinder, right ?

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW // your genetics = your fate 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

it's over tsugacel was right about this

[–]facingitall[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How can it be over if it never began?

[–]Dumboddball 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What most of our fellow blackpillers don’t understand is that non-NT is so extremely harsh that it affects even gigachads. We must not let them fall into the trap of “it’s all looks”, as it’s just reversing the bluepill without logic.

I consider non-NT men like me to be the bottom of the bottom of everything regardless of looks.

[–]Last-Post2085BlackPill 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For sure, autism is a death sentence. It's why I've pretty much given up.

[–]infinitofluxo 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

So we have an autism epidemic? Like 40% are affected? No other reason for relationship crisis nowadays? No way.

[–]Last-Post2085BlackPill 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think a lot of people are self diagnosing these days. They say that they have autism when they are just shy or have social anxiety.

[–]you-arent-reading-it 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree that's why I never say that I'm autistic.

I went to psychologists and they suggested I COULD have autism considering that my IQ configuration is similar to an autistic plus the MMPI-2 test of personality suggests the same. I have to do this long and tedious process before even attempting to be diagnosed.

Autism or not, I definitely have social problems considering I have literally NO friends, and also I have a big learning obstacle

[–]facingitall[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Autism occurs in 1/68 of people. If you look at the stats for autistic men, it's not pretty. Not just for dating but also for social life and work. This also applies to high-functioning autistic men.

You look normal, and seem normal because of the mask but once it slips and the social faux pas start happening, it's game over.

[–]infinitofluxo 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You said it was the reason for most men to fail in relationships, it is still a big minority that is autistic. And a wide percentage of men are lonely and can't find relationships. This can't be main reason. A lot of things changed since sexual revolution.

[–]facingitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You said it was the reason for most men to fail in relationships

Could you point me to where I said that? Because if I did then that's incorrect and so I'll fix it in my post.

A wide percentage of men are lonely and can't find relationships

Can you show me the study where this wide percentage is referenced? Based off the national health statistics in the US, over the age 25, over 60% of men have already had at least on child. Over the age of 35, it's 70% at least. And over the age of 50, it's 80% at least. Lifetime, it's over 85% of men.

Of course, failing in a relationship is a different matter. Times are also changing. I definitely don't deny that. Loneliness includes tons of factors I can't account for in a few sentences.

My point for the post is that those with autism are facing a death sentence. Those obsessing over their looks are most likely using that as a coping mechanism. Their looks could be a factor but it's not the nail in the coffin.

[–]Sea-Cow4216 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There must be something else. The guy who collected trains and complained about the street lights in the 1950s wasn't NT. And they had families

[–]facingitall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Arranged marriages, context, and social expectations can change things. It doesn't change the reality though. It simply masks it.

For example, if I'm dating someone who doesn't speak the same language as me, and a lot of social faux-pax go under the radar because of the language barrier, then yes being non-NT can be "masked" for a period.

Additionally, if someone has an arranged marriage, being non-NT is only considered after the fact. They usually already have kids at that point and it's hard to just leave. Especially in that type of culture.

Beyond that, in the 1950s, if a guy was making good money and autistic, I can see it being easier to mask it or ignore the issue. As long as the guy was bringing in the money, a lot of shit was tolerated back then. It's an issue of "survive" vs. "some grating personality traits, lack of relatability, and eccentricities to tolerate" to someone NT.

[–]Rammspieler 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I just turned 43 yesterday and looking back at a lot of shit I did when I was younger and realizing just how autistic it was, I can see why I am a 43 yo virgin. NTpill is a brutal pill to swallow.

[–]facingitall[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I feel you. No paid experiences either? Or I'm guessing if you haven't considered it by this point then it doesn't offer what you're looking for.

How has your experience been with other non-NT potential partners? Also, have you had any good runs?

[–]Rammspieler 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've considered paying for it many times leading up to my 40th birthday. But by then, I came to the realization that if I did pay for it, I would probably come out of it in a worse state. You are basically paying for what most people get for free and that is just one pill I can't bring myself to swallow.

Also, just fucking lol at potential partners. I got jack shit.

[–]facingitall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've considered paying for it many times leading up to my 40th birthday. But by then, I came to the realization that if I did pay for it, I would probably come out of it in a worse state.

It's pretty great and it depends on your personality. For some people, their state stays the same and they leave with a fun or enjoyable memory and it even temporarily boosts their confidence and ego. I've found that the difference is if you can get over the stigma of "needing to pay for it to lose it".

The "no kissing" shit is also bullshit. You can definitely find a "full experience" if you pay enough. Legally, affordable, and enjoyable enough. You just need to find the right spots and plan ahead. Fully tested, safe sex, and you can experience threesomes or whatever you want really. You name it.

I've also known people who record that shit consensually (little to no extra pay) and keep it as a memory to look back on. It's really just about the stigma but if you're a 40+ year-old virgin then the stigma is already on you either way.

The only thing is if you're willing to swallow your pride or not. And that decision is up to you. I'm not judging it either way.

You are basically paying for what most people get for free and that is just one pill I can't bring myself to swallow.

Most people aren't fucking supermodel chicks. I mean just realistically, it's less than half of sexually active people who have had at least one experience like that. And usually, it's a "lucky" and "right moment" scenario that they look back on once in a while like "oh shit I did that" for an ego boost.

As a man, unless you have some overwhelming advantage, you're likely having sex with someone who looks like you or worse. And the cost is your time and energy. Tinder gold, swiping, conversations, getting drunk for liquid courage, going to bars, getting rejected etc.

The amount of time spent to get that "regular sex" is basically a full-time job. You can pay $100 (2-3 hours of work maybe) and get that full experience in the right place during a trip. Of course, there's more to relationships than just sex and partners aren't objects solely for sexual gratification but you get my point.

I would just avoid the non-professional experiences and do it occasionally rather than rely on it or become dependent on it and develop an addiction.

Also, just fucking lol at potential partners. I got jack shit.

Have you ever had anyone express interest at all?

[–]crypto_druid 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Find austists who are getting the results you want and learn from them.

[–]facingitall[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If you know of one please share. I've yet to find one who isn't a PUA grifter or course-selling scammer.

[–]crypto_druid 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I know some in real life but they don't use Reddit.

Find some in the real world would be better than on the internet, someone you can hang out with and watch and learn from and get honest feedback.

Second best is to get advice in autism groups online

[–]facingitall[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You know some autistic people who have flourishing social and dating lives? How do you know that they're autistic and how does that look like to you?

Autism groups online mainly consistent of complaints. I don't relate to most posts on there. A lot of it also is not geared towards individuals with high-functioning autism. It's usually more focused on diagnosis than treatment.

If I could find someone like that then of course I'd do that. I haven't found anyone like that though. I can put on a mask and hold a job and fake it for a while but once my mask is gone it's game over. And you can't hold a job without a mask.

[–]crypto_druid 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope you find someone,

[–]Sea-Cow4216 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

My husband is autistic.

[–]crypto_druid 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Would he be willing to help that guy?

[–]Sea-Cow4216 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Probably not. I had to make the first move and everything.

[–]facingitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I relate to this a lot. That's what a lot of my dates when I was younger were like. I either bombed it 1-3 dates in, or I rejected them after they've expressed interest out of fear of them seeing me without my mask.

[–]ManWazoA short king with high ncount 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Who would want to date a NT anyway? Just pump and dump NTs and date NDs, that's the play

[–]facingitall[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even "pumping and dumping" takes a curated and systematic mask solely for dating. That's literally just PUA. I'm pretty sure the amount of people who engage in that has a higher population of autistic men than NT.

[–]TermAggravating8043 -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Makes sense,

I’ve thought more than once in many discussions that the person I’m talking too just does not understand the emotional part of dating. It’s all very robotic, relationships are just transactions between 2 people and many people seem to have main character syndrome.

Lack of empathy is a big one here too, many here is just no sympathy for anyone other than themselves and every post/comments is taken as either a person attack or they try to turn it round “but what about me?”

It’s been said there is a rise in male loneliness, particularly amongst younger men, and I’m not surprised, When I see comments like “if your women ever withholds sex from you, you have the right to cheat.” “All women’s value in her in beauty and her fertility” “All women just want chad and will always cheat given the chance”

I just think, we’ll your not a nice guy, I’d never be anywhere near someone like you and I imagine many of the women around you feel that way too. And that’s what they don’t understand, feelings. “I’d never tell a women any of this in real life” Yeah dude but she can pick it up, even if your a top actor with her, she’ll see it in the way you mingle with the rest of society.

[–]facingitall[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see your point although autism doesn't mean automatically mean inconsiderate. There can autistic individuals who do empathize but just function differently. What I'm referring to is the functional difference.

Narcissism is a whole other beast. And I'd argue that early on, narcissism and sociopathy actually come off as charming since the person love bombs you and masks their true personality.

The difference is, sociopaths and narcissists still mingle well in group situations despite being calculated. An autistic individual in an uncontrolled group setting can be easily spotted though even if they're well-intentioned.

[–]warramite 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just think, we’ll your not a nice guy, I’d never be anywhere near someone like you and I imagine many of the women around you feel that way too.

Only valid if the guy gets rejected after they've already been talking.. in reality most men are rejected on first sight. Same reason why guys get very few matches.

Yeah dude but she can pick it up

Very false, otherwise they wouldn't end up with abusive men which they do.

[–]TermAggravating8043 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But that’s the thing, abusive men still understand emotions and how to play them in their favour,

If you think they’ll only be noticed as being autistic after they’ve been rejected by someone I’m telling you it’s wrong, their noticed straight away by their body language and immediately separating themselves from the group or making eye contact

[–]l00ks-p1lled 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

imo Looks are still more important overall unless you're badly autistic or aspie, besides I'd argue that Looks help to make you pass as NT if you are on the mild part of the spectrum

[–]facingitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

besides I'd argue that Looks help to make you pass as NT if you are on the mild part of the spectrum

I pass as NT until I open my mouth in an unstructured situation beyond the basic social script on introductions. It happens every time.

I'm not the most attractive person alive, but average looks and being tall have gotten me to the door and that's it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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