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Trans-man shares his insights into how differently men and women are treated in society:

August 19, 2022
30 upvotes

One of the unique things about the time we live in, is that there are now many people who have transitioned genders and can give us thier insights on what life is like on both sides of the coin.

Here is the experience from a trans man from a thread posted here on Reddit. The OP is rather long, so I will only excerpt a few of the most prescient details. But you can read the whole thing here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/tvt6t7/trans_man_discusses_how_once_he_transitioned_he/

"I'm pretty quiet about the fact I'm a transman usually, but holy shit, I need to tell you about the culture shock I'm going through because it's blindsiding me. There's a huge sense of social isolation that comes with being perceived as male, because now people are subconsciously treating me as a potential predator. All strangers, no matter thier gender, keep thier guard up around me."

"It made me realize there is no inherent camaraderie in male socialization as there is in female socialization - unless, of course, in very specific environments. And the fact I don't ambiently experience this mutual kinship in basic exchanges anymore is an insanely lonely feeling. You know how badly this would have fucked my mind up if I had grown up with this? It's 4:30am and I'm mourning the loss of a privilege I didn't even know I had."

"When I'm out in public and interact with women, all of them come across as incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless. I have never experienced this before even though I know exactly what this composure is - the armor that keeps away creepy ass men."

"But I only have a complete understanding of this context because I've experienced female socialization. If I hadn't, I would have thought this coldness was a conspiracy against me devised by roughly half the human population. Even now, with all that I know about navigating the world as a woman, I'm failing to convince my monkey-brain that this armor isn't social rejection."

"The human species looks so much colder standing from this side."

I REALLY feel for the OP and hope he's doing okay. Being friends with a lot of LGBT people, I've known some trans men and these feelings are unfortunately not uncommon at all. This sense of isolation has even made some of them de-transition because they couldn't handle it.

This post is both brutal and informative, and definitely worth sharing here.

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Post Information
Title Trans-man shares his insights into how differently men and women are treated in society:
Author Antisocial_Nihilist
Upvotes 30
Comments 59
Date August 19, 2022 8:32 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/trans-man-shares-his-insights-into-how-differently.1139659
https://theredarchive.com/post/1139659
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/wso54y/transman_shares_his_insights_into_how_differently/
Comments

[–]IHateNormis 23 points24 points  (38 children) | Copy Link

A lot of these female to male transitions believe the lie that men live a much better privileged life than females. This is simply not true, as a male no one really cares about you. You are meant to depend on yourself, I am thankful for this in a sense because it helped me grow in character. If I was a female who had sex and relationships on demand, beta orbiters, constantly told you are strong and wonderful and affirmative action for jobs and education I think I would be a lot more entitled, mean and narcissistic (which is what you see in many females these days).

[–]Peacesquad 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women have it easier than ever

[–]Lasers_Pew_Pew_Pew 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s been some really interesting articles about this years ago.

One of the things that made me laugh so much, was one man saying how since starting Testosterone, he has literally no patience for his friends long stories that go fucking no where. He now hates them so much, and the friends were complaining about how since going on T he’s become a lot less patient and interested in their stories.

And he was just wishing they would get to the fucking point.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 7 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

A lot of feminist are spinning the narrative trying to blame men for this transperson experience. They are so blinded by their ideology that they can't fathom the idea that they are the privilege sex, and men are the ones who have it hard.

Even catniagara flipped the script and read the post as if it was a man who transitioned to a woman.

Here's a lesson for people reading this. People perceptions are goal oriented. Humans actually perceive very little information from the world. It's because the world just has too much information, so the brain selects what's important to retain. How the brain decides this, is via a goal. If your goal is to eat food, you start noticing all the restaurants on the road, while ignoring everything else. If your goal is to exit a building, you ignore all the things that don't matter, and only focus on the things that either facilitate or prevents you from leaving the building. If your goal is to flirt with the hottest girl in the club, you only notice the girls, you even tune out the music playing in the background. If your goal is to drive from point a to point b, you ignore almost everything on the street. This is why people hit pedestrians on the road. (pro tip for all you people driving, always assume there's someone walking on the sidewalk, and make it your goal not to hit someone while turning, it will change your perception from driving a car, to avoiding hitting a person while driving).

Why did I teach this lesson? Because what a person perceives tells a lot about their goal. Catniagara goal, and all the other feminist goal here, isn't to debate the experience of this transperson. It's to explain why men are bad.

[–]TriggurWarning 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The saddest fact is, even if they could fathom it, they wouldn't give a shit anyway.

[–]Antisocial_NihilistRedPill[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I have a theory that pretty much everyone, at the core of them, is solipsistic. You will never truly know or understand another person's experience unless you've actually lived it.

That's why I think the stories of a lot of these FtM trans men are some of the most brutal Redpill/Blackpill things out there.

You have women who spent decades of thier life living the female experience. Growing up learning how to act like a woman, learning how women should act around men, how women should behave around other females, and so forth.

And most importantly, many of these women spent thier lives learning about male privilege. Thinking that they are extremely disadvantaged compared to men in almost every way.

Then you have a small amount of women transition and start living the male experience, only to get WHACKED in the fucking face with the sledgehammer of reality, that male privilege in the modern age is almost entirely a myth. Male privilege only exist for the upper echelons of men. If you're a below average or even average male, there is really no "privilege" to speak of.

The life that FtM trans people are experiencing goes so much against the grain of what most women were raised to believe, that reading thier testimonies immediately triggers thier ego and they go into defense mode. Because accepting what these former women have to say would basically be admitting they are wrong about male privilege, and they were lied to thier entire life.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said. Since we're having this discussion, I will add to your idea.

Women believe they actually did something to deserve that privilege. Like they earned the respect and kindness of strangers. They don't want to admit that a lot of that respect and kindness is predicated on something they didn't earn.

It's like that experiment where the same resume with different gender was given out. And the male resume was rejected 99% of the time, while the female resume was accepted 60+% of the time (I forget the exact number, please forgive me).

All those females will say, "I deserved it, I worked hard, I'm a good person, I have good morals, etc, etc". But in reality, the results they have in life has some association with the fact that they were just born female.

The specter that looms at this idea is, "maybe I'm not such a good person, maybe I don't have good morals, maybe I'm not hard working, maybe I don't deserve all of this". That hurts to learn that, objectively, without your gender, you ain't shit.

[–]TriggurWarning 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This may be one of the biggest reason for trans suicides. The shock and horror of the transition is just too traumatic for an individual unprepared for the harshness of our reality.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Combine with the fact that they were suicidal to being with. Thinking that transitioning is their way out of a depressing situation, but only to realize that they just did something irreversible and they're in a worst situation than they were before.

[–]TriggurWarning 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. That's why it needs to be treated as a mental disorder and not a medical problem, especially for kids.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a theory that pretty much everyone, at the core of them, is solipsistic. You will never truly know or understand another person's experience unless you've actually lived it.

Sorry for the double reply! I just have to comment on this point here.

I would say, if you as a person, transitioned from blue pill to red pill, you have a better grasp of reality compare to someone who stayed blue pill their whole life.

There's typically a breakthrough in the matrix, where you now see two different perspectives. This makes you more well rounded mentally, and you will be able to empathize with more people.

Also the fact that you were able to have that breakthrough says a lot about your ability to listen to new ideas and actually consider them.

[–]TheRealDestian1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

My view on privilege has always been that there are pros and cons for both sexes.

Male privilege exists for all men in that we have much less to fear from random men than women do: no group of guys at a bar ever offered to walk one of their friends home because he turned down a girl who hit on him "in case she tries something on his walk home", yet I've been there to witness a group of female friends express this exact concern.

We also still get paid more for the same job and get taken more seriously than women do.

The tradeoff this FtM guy is experiencing is one of the big ones: you'll almost never receive unwanted attention as a man, but the downside is that you won't get WANTED attention either because any tiny compliment could be wrongly perceived as romantic interest.

That's always been the reality for both sexes: no one gets just the amount of romantic attention they want from just the people they want it from. It's either far too much or far too little.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

My view on privilege has always been that there are pros and cons for both sexes.

I agree.

Male privilege exists for all men in that we have much less to fear from random men than women do: no group of guys at a bar ever offered to walk one of their friends home because he turned down a girl who hit on him "in case she tries something on his walk home", yet I've been there to witness a group of female friends express this exact concern.

I can agree with that.

We also still get paid more for the same job and get taken more seriously than women do.

The wage gap has been debunk a million times for decades. You really need to stop believing in the propaganda and understand how they calculate the wage gap.

The tradeoff this FtM guy is experiencing is one of the big ones: you'll almost never receive unwanted attention as a man, but the downside is that you won't get WANTED attention either because any tiny compliment could be wrongly perceived as romantic interest.

I can somewhat agree.

And yes, everyone perceives you as a potential predator, even other men, because from my experience that's exactly the kind of concern I need to have because there are some weird, creepy guys out there that I sure as hell don't want to interact with, either.

I can agree with that.

You seem good intentioned. So I just wanted to show you I agree with most of your sentiments, I just want to point out that the wage gap is really a myth.

[–]TheRealDestian1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Eh, going by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, it's still 82 cents on the dollar for women vs. men, and we see this same issue in Hollywood a lot still where actresses are being paid much less than male counterparts, even with equal or greater screen time.

[–]lostwanderer28 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I wish people would stop transitioning.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Honestly after some times you don’t feel lonely anymore it’s just becomes a part of life. Like you are lonely, been that way for years now but on any given day that doesn’t even cross your mind that you are just living.

By the way, doesn't having friends helps them like I always believed that male friendships is more loyal than female?

[–]Siukslinis_acc 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you still get casual socialisation? the whole chatting with co-worker near the watercooler, chatting with other people waiting for a bus, chatting with people in an event, ect.

Or do you shut yourself at home and don't talk with anybody?

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As an introvert,yeah I do mostly with co-workers and I have one friend whom I studied with in college and she is very loyal.But I am woman.I think you are asking as you may thought I am man

[–]Peacesquad 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome to being a dude lmao

[–]TriggurWarning 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Even before the current trans craze, many years ago a woman filmed a documentary where she literally became a man for over a year. She formed friendships with men, got on the bowling team, etc, and she remarked that it was the most difficult and emotionally traumatic experience of her life. Eventually she felt so guilty she had to tell the male friends in her life that she was a woman doing a social experiment. They accepted her as one of them anyway. Very interesting story.

[–]Antisocial_NihilistRedPill[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think I know which one you're talking about.

Wasn't she so traumatized by this experience afterwards she became suicidal and had to be hospitalized?

[–]TriggurWarning 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, something like that. The trauma was extreme.

[–]BlackPillPusher 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Kinda reminds me of the 2016 red pill movie by Cassie Jaye, she went in with a lot of (socially enforced at this point) presumptions as to what being a man is actually like and very quickly realized that it's a lonely life of struggle and abuse for most of us.

[–]Antisocial_NihilistRedPill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah, that's a good documentary:

https://youtu.be/Z4ulBQt8DmU

[–]Swapsta 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Humanity is biologically inclined to give females the preference since a womb is more valuable than a sperm

[–]brightglowup1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

"When I'm out in public and interact with women, all of them come across as incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless

Sorry

I don't see how this is different than being a dark skinned woman beyond the fact that, unlike men, the blatant disrespect and name calling did its injury. Still happens. And then we decide to navigate the L's and pursue community, create our own positive imagary, and stay on code.

Why can't men? You have infinite amounts of more reach as evidence by the billions of views on misogynistic fuckery on the internet

It's not that I don't get that some men have it hard. Some of these people are my friends

But I just cant take people who refuse to be proactive about solutions seriously. Forget the individual level for a second and think of the class. Either men help men or women help men. What good faith reason are men offering women to step in? Even the pick mes are getting battered these days

The real truth here is men need more community. Family, relationships, friendships, these are all community. Until these are valued over whatever role you are white knuckling as an identity, it will just stay this way. And I understand weakness is harmful to men bc of how the world works. But maybe you need to reexamine what you consider weakness. Inflexibility is weakness. Victim narratives when the original story was more than enough, thats weakness too

Figure it out. This oft quoted transman's experience always rings empty to me

[–]MarBitt 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't see how this is different than being a dark skinned woman

That in a community of other dark-skinned women where you don't treat each other this way?

Why can't men?

If one of your main roles is to protect yourself and your surroundings from other men, then you have to be on your guard against them. And they before you. And why are men aggressive? Because if they weren't, the group without sufficiently aggressive men, willing to kill complete strangers without having anything against them personally, will die out in the first war. So in that sense, men are like guard dogs. But even the watchdogs can feel lonely and unloved when everyone, including other guard dogs, treats them like dangerous animals.

[–]lizzy1289 -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Okay, I don't mean to disparage these issues, but I'm failing to see how exactly is this a women problem?

If men aren't being compassionate to each other then that is not something we can do anything about.

And if he's suddenly getting "the cold shoulder" from women, then he must be doing something to offset them.

[–]drunk_uncle_pussy is a reward not a goal 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

then he must be doing something to offset them.

Right. Because men bad women good? What a retarded comment.

[–]Antisocial_NihilistRedPill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds an awful lot like victim blaming.

[–]catniagara1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

Is this a question? If so, I have an answer. Often, due to PERCEIVED privileged, people transition from one thing to another in a disingenuous way. For example there’s a film, I feel pretty, where Amy Schumer hits her head and THINKS she’s beautiful, therefore she changes her perception of every situation to fall into that narrative of what she thinks hot girls “get”.

Someone opens a door and she walks through it, assuming he’s holding it for her. She flirts with herself on behalf of a guy, because “obviously” he wants her.

This person transitioned BECAUSE they think women have a ton of privileges men don’t. This person also has never been truly “one of the guys” and has never fit into male society.

So the idea that there is no male society coming from a trans woman, the person most likely to make cishet men terrified and uncomfortable (for some reason) may not be as accurate as they feel it is.

And not having had to go through childhood and girlhood as a female person they may not understand when or how they are being damaging with this (hopefully uncommon) “I became a woman and now I hate women even more” attitude.

Pick me trans girls trying to get laid with “I used to be a man; I’m better than other girls” will hopefully eventually mature out of it and realize they don’t need gimmicks to find someone. It’s okay to just be yourself.

[–]HodgekinWhitePill 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You talk about perception bias without realizing your doing it.

The story is about a woman who transition to a man. Not the other way around.

[–]no_bling_just_dingWhitePill (self aware MSTOW) 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you did not read the op dont ask me how i know

[–]catniagara 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It was accidental. I thought it was one of a thousand comments on basically the exact same post about a trans woman. I had so many flooding my feed that I just started copy pasting. Mea culpa

[–]WickedBiscuit 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is hilarious. Love the commitment to attempting to make a point, really rode that train to the last stop.

[–]catniagara 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just commented on the wrong thread and realized later that this was the one about a trans man not a trans woman

[–]cryptothrow2 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I believe there's a similar experience of a lesbian going in male drag

[–]ChudBuck 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pegs it all to a symptom of "huwhute imperialism", how enlightening

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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