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Was dating actually easier for men 10-15 years ago?

December 20, 2022
7 upvotes

I mean before online dating became so popular and all, what was dating like for you guys? Are any of you old enough to remember what it was was like? Do you think it was easier to attract women for the average man?

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Post Information
Title Was dating actually easier for men 10-15 years ago?
Author Lainpiller
Upvotes 7
Comments 30
Date December 20, 2022 4:49 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/was-dating-actually-easier-for-men-10-15-years-ago.1144720
https://theredarchive.com/post/1144720
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/zqt8xl/was_dating_actually_easier_for_men_1015_years_ago/
Comments

[–]NotARussianBot1984 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It was hella easy for me in highschool pre tinder in 2010. Having a car and not being weird was the standard in my school. To this day, the hottest girls I've dated were when I was in gr 12 with a car going to parties cuz I could drive in a farm town.

Now with girls being 18 able to go to bars and use tinder, I can't date a skinny girl, never mind attractive if my life depended on it.

I say my dating life is Pre and Post Tinder. Like Bc and AC

[–]Last-Post20851 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

When Tinder first came out I actually got quite a few matches and went on fair amount of dates, given I am 5'6" and Chinese.

Now I can't get any matches at all except for bots. I feel like either women are completely swamped now that men outnumber them or they have upped their standards for men.

Like back then in 2012 I was 21 years old and scrawny/skinny but it didn't seem like there was much gym/hustle culture going on. Maybe there were simply less men on Tinder and the population was more 50/50 instead of the 70/30 men to women ratio now.

[–]NotARussianBot1984 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I also spent my 20s lifting. I went from 135 at 5 7 31in waist in highschool to the same waist n height but 195lbs.

Did it help improve how attractive the girls I dated were? No, because their standards went up faster than I could improve.

But since I also used my 20s on my education, now I can just sugar date the girls I want. Tinder and Seeking arrangements destroyed dating, half my attractive tinder matches (never got them to meet up) were on seeking too lol.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you really think it's all Tinder? I think social media plays a bigger role because not many women are on Tinder to begin with. But if even a fat girl posts on Insta and amasses a following, there'll be 100s of guys in her DMs. It seems like the incessant competition between men has been increased by ten fold with social media and dating apps

[–]NotARussianBot1984 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's tinder, Instagram, women preferring pursuing education and delaying settling down (more time to fuck Chad), fact they turned 18 legally can date older men, that I moved to a city so even more access to better men, city has buses so me having a car isn't as essential, and immigration (I'm in Canada) being mostly young men.

And other things.

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (23 children) | Copy Link

Fifteen years ago I was fourteen. It was easier because people had social groups IRL and introverts and gamers didn’t have the same online networks to communicate. If people wanted to interact and have experiences with people, they had to actually do things with people.

And teenagers drove and worked. They went places and dated because they wanted to kiss and have sex. I don’t know what the hell teenagers want today but looks like only about half are dating and going out.

[–]Anti_Thing 1 point2 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

I graduated high school less than 10 years ago. Everyone around me seemed to be dating, but perhaps I just didn't notice all the people not dating. I wanted to date but couldn't find anyone who met my religion-based standards due to going to a secular school, attending a small church, not having many people in my age group among family friends, & never going to summer camp.

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (21 children) | Copy Link

I was in public school and most people in my sphere played at least one sport, maybe two or three. We were all pretty physical, always hugging and flirting and teasing and couldn’t wait for opportunities to get at one another. The whole purpose of driving was to be alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend or go out in groups to meet other kids. Whole purpose of working part time was to meet other kids and other people who came into our retail or service industry jobs.

 

I have absolutely no experiences which compare to having a sex drive so low that one can wait until their twenties or later to put their hands on someone.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

It's not their sex drive is so low. It's just that they find it's a lot easier to satiate it with porn. Lotta guys just fall through the cracks

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

Then they will have to deal with the choices they made because few if any women want to deal with a man who chose a porn addiction over interpersonal relationships.

There is a lot of noise coming from disaffected men about how society should help them or women should give them a chance, but they are entirely responsible for the predicament they are in.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

It's just a symptom of the problem. Not really the problem or the cause of it, itself

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

No, it’s the cause. If someone is meeting their sexual needs by staying home and indulging in increasingly depraved pornography instead of making friends and plans to see an actual boob, they’ve made a willful choice as teenagers to remove themselves from the dating pool for years or even decades.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

women don't choose you

you use porn instead

It's not the other way round. No one wants to choose porn instead of sex

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

this is strange. where i'm from, in my middle class private school in morocco with the standard state-mandated islamic education classes where i took grades 4 through 12, no sane kid would've undressed in front of another. not even the same sex

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

It would be helpful to know which people who enter these discussions was sheltered, indoctrinated, homeschooled, or otherwise limited by overbearing parents or a same-sex school environment.

With the exception of Catholic schools, most private schools are co-ed. as far as nudity, my question is why? If you enjoy seeing nudity in porn, why wouldn’t you want to share that with someone you really liked?

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

in morocco private schools ar ethe norm for middle class families as in south america because public schools SUCK and the desks have fucking HOLES in them and to answer your question it would feel obscene to show yourself to someone outside of marriage for these muslim kids

[–]Anti_Thing 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, sometimes I wish I was more into sports or at least working out in high school. I'm naturally a nerdy/bookish person, as were my (few) close friends, though plenty of the kids around me were into sports. Obviously many kids still do sports; perhaps less are than in the past, though I haven't seen any statistics on it.

I definitely don't have a low sex drive, I just cope with my lack of fulfillment as best as I can. I know that the statistics show that young people are having less sex nowadays, but many of the people I grew up with are married, & my secular friends & acquaintances seem pretty sexually active for the most part.

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Honor roll kids were just as interested in sports, dating, and socializing. Source: honor roll kid and athlete. A quarterback was the salutatorian of my graduating class and the valedictorian played girls varsity volleyball. I can only recall a couple truly awkward and nerdy kids in my class of 400. They may or may not have been on the spectrum or religious; no idea. But there were a small handful of kids in the whole school who kept to themselves.

 

The Christian school students in my county were notoriously debaucherous, probably because every kid who was kicked out of public schools for drugs, truancy, insubordination, fighting, and sex was forced by the court to attend Christian schools.

 

The only truly isolated kids were homeschooled, and we ran into them because some joined clubs and played some sports. Very awkward, very sheltered and their education and exposure deliberately limited by controlling parents. Those kids are probably struggling mightily with making friends and social connections.

[–]debatelord_1 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was one of the top students at my school (we don't have those fancy names over here). The straight A students mostly didn't date, especially the guys.

Academic performance is anti correlated with sexual success in male students.

You didn't have any friends

Yes I did.

[–]debatelord_1 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was one of the top students at my school (we don't have those fancy names over here). The straight A students mostly didn't date, especially the guys.

Academic performance is anti correlated with sexual success in male students.

You didn't have any friends

Yes I did.

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I was in public school and most people in my sphere played at least one sport, maybe two or three. We were all pretty physical, always hugging and flirting and teasing and couldn’t wait for opportunities to get at one another. The whole purpose of driving was to be alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend or go out in groups to meet other kids. Whole purpose of working part time was to meet other kids and other people who came into our retail or service industry jobs.

holy shit?

i think what you're saying here is definitely not a universal experience.

coming from my experience, we only played the sports the teachers would let us play, and when that wasnt the case, we all just wanted to play soccer at my old school. and when i say "we", i mean the other kids - they excluded me for being scrawny and shitty at the sports, because my parents would sooner have sliced my dick off than let me play as a kid, which in turn kept my skill level at "utter shit." if i touched one of them, i'd probably get dragged off by the ear to the principal's office and maybe even get a quran slammed in my face by my parents; even now, as a muslim turned socially-conservative atheist, i wouldn't have had it in me to fuck someone while i was in high school. though my parents ain't exactly typical either; i've had to worry about my mom sticking me in a morgue before.

driving licenses aren't even gettable here until age 18, and down here in morocco, i don't think i can recall anybody having had the chance to work a part time job or even having enough time in our packed-ass 9-to-5 class schedule to work one. only exception i've seen, was this classmate who went to a call center for an entire summer break and made 9000 dirhams.

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

There wasn’t a person in my sphere who hadn’t had sex before 18, and most of my friends were either honor society or at least B average students. I graduated a little early by taking college level courses, and I started having sex (same boyfriend for five years) at fifteen. It wasn’t a big deal. We can drive in our sixteenth birthday, and getting a part time job was fun. Meeting new people and making our own money was a goal. Most of us worked part time through college, too, though medical and grad students usually don’t.

 

I was one of very few kids who was raised with no religious beliefs, all the kids around me attended church regularly. From what I see on social media, they still believe post college. The only religious kids who weren’t having sex, trying to have sex, trying to get ahold of alcohol underage or find some weed were the four or five kids who intended to enter the clergy later on. Christian shame doesn’t seem to stick much when hormones are stirred in.

 

That is, until those kids grow up to become parents and suddenly can’t remember all the things they did in the name of fun and sex. Christian indoctrination is like a boomerang. They throw it away when it’s convenient, but it nearly always comes back to hit them in the face and cause moral suffering later.

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i agree theyre hypocrites

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

There wasn’t a person in my sphere who hadn’t had sex before 18

as far as i know, NONE of my friends offline have had sex ever except for one who told me he regretted it for religious reasons (and i doubt him) and another who seems to not take his islam seriously. the online ones, even the westerners are also all mostly the same including ones i didn't find from the manosphere. (birds of a feather i guess) those two guys i mentioned at first will probably end up loike the types you described and i loathe those. and like you, i'm no retard neither (although honor roll doesnt exist in moroccan school system) though i was bullied for standing out: perfect score on high school physics final in my national standardized exam 2020. dumbass kids on the bus who liked to play pranks on me would sometimes tell me "yo <bling>, i wish i could like rub my hand on yo forehead and steal your smarts into my head!!" and i had to teach myself C# at home as well for personal use. so there's that.

but otherwise back to the religion topic, there's another difference: there is no vow of celibacy in islam. so all of us grew up expecting to save it for marriage and be good muslim citizens who never drink alcohol, never do drugs and pray five times a day to allah. so either way: your home and mine were two very very different environments. even now as a socially conservative atheist, i'll probably be an outlier compared to 90-95% of americans.

[–]TsugaC1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t consider you an outlier, we just come from vastly different cultures. I grew up in a couple large cities, both with a global corporation which meant I was exposed to kids from all over the world (though not Morocco) as well as a sprinkling of foreign exchange students.

With the exception of the Bible scholars I mentioned and a couple girls who covered their hair, everyone from other cultures pretty much blended in and I suppose enjoyed a greater measure of freedom than their counterparts back home.

 

Thank you for explaining, I was aware that many men on this and similar subs are from different cultures, but I assumed they compared to loners from my culture, which are quite a bit angrier and more volatile thanks to their exposure to their classmates who were having fun, and because of gun culture. (Life for angry young men is different when they have a killing machine available to make up for puny fists and weak arms.)

[–]no_bling_just_dingself-aware MSTOW (hit the wall at age 0) 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

yeah to be honest tsugacel i thought at first you were probably from some wasp (the acronym not the insect) community or something but this makes more sense. to the extent that im volatile it's probably that my retirement plan for old age as a MSTOW starts with smith and ends with wesson KEK.

im not angry at successful people, im angry at dishonest and hypocritical people like snake oil salesmen in the vein of dr lobster, puddy tate and inceltear types who take advantage of the situation for a quick buck or to pat themselves on the back at others' expense. white american men, you probably got some negative experiences with em that inform what you said about em but the ones i encountered online seem different.

though take it with a grain of salt - most of my friends, even americans, are not white. one exception that stands out to me in particular was a pretty decent guy with autism though who was forced into special ed classes even though he was intellectually better than average. he later made it out with an IT technician two-year degree, though his experience with minnesotan normies and mine with moroccan normies and my family (not referring to sex here but moreso being undersocialized outcasts with my ADHD, his autism) tended to... leave lasting effects in terms of depressive thinking.

[–]Green-Quantity1032 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In highschool I was anxious and scrawny af.

18-21 I was less scrawny and less anxious - girls sometimes hit on me but I'd fail to act on it.

22-30 I dated a hot girl on whom I didn't fail to act - tame anxiousness, still on the scrawny side.

30-34 divorced, less anxious and pretty muscular.

So for me dating has never been easier I guess?

[–]KirthWGersen 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was. Before the digitisation and monopolisation of sexual access we used to just go out to an orchard of a summer's evening, have a few beers and pick women from the trees.

Obviously, the tall guys got the best, most untouched ones and some of us had to be satisfied with any low-hanging fruit that was still there or, worse, windfall.

Some were sweeter than others. I certainly remember a couple that left a bad taste in my mouth. But overall, good times.

[–]RandomHumanQuesting 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is actually a great and fairly accurate metaphor.

[–]Nihi1986 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Realtionships were easier, going to dates wasn't necessarily easier.

Now there's a lot of competition but you can find dates faster and it's easier. The relationships, on the other hand, are extremely volatile.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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