Inspired by this +5.6k 2X post condemning men for having standards. Women, like men, discriminate on the basis of sexual history when selecting for romantic partners. Because sexual and relational histories are extremely useful predictors of the future success of relationships, being the best predictors of future infidelity, dissatisfaction and divorce, it would be foolish not to take them into account when considering a long-term relationship with someone. Unfortunately, only men experience social disapproval (and, sometimes, harassment) for exercising judgement by taking sexual history into account when vetting potential romantic partners. Many an article (ex. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, video (ex. 1, 2, 3), and Reddit thread (1, 2, 3, 4) have been devoted to shaming men who have reconsidered their current relationships or who’ve passed on potential relationships with women that have extensive sexual histories. When men are told that “the past is the past,” they need to understand that in reality this only intended to be applied where women’s histories are concerned. The majority of men today will still be rejected for being inexperienced, too experienced, bisexual, or for having visited a prostitute. While these preferences of women are completely valid and make sense, what isn’t right is that men are shamed for having similar preferences due to an unfair social double standard.
The majority of women discriminate against inexperienced men
In association with world-renowned biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and esteemed evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin R. Garcia of The Kinsey Institute… 42% of singles would not date a virgin (33% of men and 51% of women)
Singles in America: Match.com releases third annual comprehensive study on the single population. (n.d.). Match.com MediaRoom. Retrieved November 4, 2022, from http://match.mediaroom.com/2013-02-05-Singles-in-America-Match-com-Releases-Third-Annual-Comprehensive-Study-on-the-Single-Population (https://archive.ph/C3XPf)
An OkCupid survey similarly has borne this out, with over 40% indicating “definitely NOT,” and which exceeds 60% when you tack on “probably NOT.”
Younger people in their 20s were particularly less likely to say they would date a virgin — even though most virgins were in this age range—and women were more likely to report not wanting to date someone without sexual experience than men.
Basu, T. (2016, April 4). Adult virgins say they don’t want to date other adult virgins. The Cut. https://www.thecut.com/2016/04/adult-virgins-say-they-dont-want-to-date-other-adult-virgins.html (https://archive.ph/x4opo)
Most women discriminate against bisexual men and men who’ve engaged in same sex experimentation
Results indicated that heterosexual women rated bisexual men as less sexually and romantically attractive, less desirable to date and have sex with, and less masculine compared to straight men. No such differences were found for heterosexual and gay men’s ratings of female and male profiles, respectively. These results support previous research findings that indicate more negative attitudes toward dating bisexual men than bisexual women.
Gleason, N., Vencill, J. A., & Sprankle, E. (2018). Swipe Left on the Bi Guys: Examining Attitudes toward Dating and Being Sexual with Bisexual Individuals. Informa UK Limited. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299716.2018.1563935
Thirty-four percent of women anticipated or had already experienced having sex with another woman, compared to only 20 percent of men who desired to have sex with another man. However, women were less willing to consider dating a bisexual person than male respondents.
Only 19% of women surveyed by Zava were willing to date a bisexual man.
Sexual Journeys: 1,000 People Evaluate their Sexual Evolution. (n.d.). ZAVA UK. Retrieved August 18, 2021, from https://www.zavamed.com/uk/sexual-journeys.html (https://archive.is/ZWOXD)
Sexuality professor Ritch C. Savin-Williams told Glamour that women saying that they would not date a bisexual man "suggests that these women hold on to the view that while women occupy a wide spectrum of sexuality, men are either gay or straight."
Mashego, L. (2018, April 20). Biphobia - why are women afraid of dating bisexual men? W24. https://www.news24.com/w24/SelfCare/Wellness/Mind/biphobia-why-are-women-afraid-of-dating-bisexual-men-20180420 (https://archive.md/Yi9dD)
63% of women, however, say they wouldn't date a man who has had sex with another man
Tsoulis-Reay, A. (2016, February 11). Are you straight, gay, or just...You? Glamour. https://www.glamour.com/story/glamour-sexuality-survey (https://archive.ph/sKleE)
"One girl I was dating suddenly said that the thought of me being with a man made her physically sick. Then she blocked me on everything.
Hunte, B. (2019). The bisexuality dating dilemma. Retrieved 23 June 2022, from https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-49753820 (https://archive.ph/7fbH5)
Men who are too experienced are discriminated against
Now this one was particularly interesting. A lot of women will pass on men with too many partners. In addition to empirical studies that can attest to this, Muscle and Fitness magazine, asking several women in 2017 if they had caps. Just imagine the feminist backlash if men were interviewed, quoting upper limits for potential partners. Here were some of the responses:
if it’s 30-40, I’m out.
15 is my cap. That’s a lot of people if you’re in your 20s or 30s.
Anything over 15 makes me nervous that he’s more dirty than experienced
Over 25 for sure. I prefer lower than that; 20-25 is where I start seeing it as a turn off.
I’d say over 15. Of course, women want to be with a guy who knows how to move in the bedroom and isn’t just going to jackhammer and grunt for four and a half minutes. But I know, personally, it makes me uncomfortable to think about my partner or boyfriend having been with tons and tons of girls
20 is my cap. Realistically, a man or woman isn’t getting checked for STDs or using a condom every time they have sex with every new sexual partner.
I think over 10-15.
I think if a guy is 25-30 years old, 15-20 women is the top of the ceiling. I’d want my partner to have been in some serious relationships before me—not cycling through women constantly.
I think it starts to go overboard is 25+.
Smith, B. (2016, August 18). We Asked 20 Women: How many sexual partners is too many? Muscle & Fitness. https://www.muscleandfitness.com/women/dating-advice/we-asked-20-women-how-many-sexual-partners-too-many/ (https://archive.ph/Teucj)
Thus, contrary to the idea that male promiscuity is tolerated but female promiscuity is not, both sexes expressed equal reluctance to get involved with someone with an overly extensive sexual history.
Stewart-Williams, S., Butler, C. A., & Thomas, A. G. (2017). Sexual History and Present Attractiveness: People Want a Mate With a Bit of a Past, But Not Too Much. Journal of sex research, 54(9), 1097–1105. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1232690
Targets were more likely to be derogated as the number of sexual partners increased, and this effect held for both male and female targets. These results suggest that, although people do evaluate others as a function of sexual activity, people do not necessarily hold men and women to different sexual standards
Marks, M. J., & Fraley, R. C. (2005). The Sexual Double Standard: Fact or Fiction? Sex Roles, 52(3–4), 175–186. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-005-1293-5
Women discriminate against men who’ve seen prostitutes
Some choice quotes on potentially dating men who’ve solicited the services of sex workers:
A DRY SPELL IS NO EXCUSE
"I worry about the justification when men say, 'It's just sex'. I could be in the biggest dry spell of my life, literally years, and I still wouldn't pay for sex. It wouldn't even cross my mind to pay for sex.” Terri, 28
"It would massively change my opinion of my boyfriend.” Siobhan, 33
"It's harsh, but it would definitely be a deal-breaker for me. The idea of someone paying for sex is just off-putting.” Robyn, 32
"If they'd paid for sex within the last five years, I couldn't date them. I find it deeply unattractive. It undermines all of a man's masculinity and is almost pity inducing.” Maria, 27
I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT
"I'm not sure I could marry or have kids with someone who thought it was OK to pay for sex, or even to pay to watch women get naked.” Erin, 30
Askham, G. (2016, November 1). Would you date a guy who has paid for sex? Glamour UK. https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/would-you-date-a-guy-who-has-paid-for-sex (https://archive.ph/yT0sn)
Funnily enough, on a subreddit where most women indicated they wouldn’t date men who’ve been with escorts, a woman posted about her first experience with a male escort receiving +1300 upvotes.
Men are instructed to overlook women’s histories while women are not, and most women will not overlook men’s histories. When women say, ”the past is the past””, that’s only ever applied to their pasts. Men place themselves at a severe disadvantage when they adhere to this inequitable double standard.