Like a lot of us, I grew up on a steady regimen of after-school TV and cable access channel movies. In all this media, the message about men and women was usually the same, and it was usually pretty simple. If you were a good guy, you would get the girl and she would want to stay with you. The handsome bad boy was always the jerk who ended up empty-handed and embarrassed. We went out into the real world and learned the hard way that this isn't really how it works. Part of the heartache, misery, and confusion came from the completely unrealistic expectations we'd been given.

Not all of us are going to make it. A lot of us won't. Were too short, unattractive, unsuccessful, or socially misaligned. You can do everything right and still never get chosen as a mate. You'll never be a husband or a father, you may never even be a boyfriend. A lot of it is out of your control. It's unpleasant and depressing, but it's true. What makes it so much worse is the message that we will all be chosen eventually.

We need a different script for those of us who will be long-term, or permanently single. We need a place in the world, and we maybe need to be told that it's okay we weren't selected. The narrative that we are all on a level playing field and there's a partner for everyone is untrue, cruel and deceptive.