anyone feel like they've been stripped off their masculinity?

Gattsama · 2022-10-15T23:48:46+00:00

I actually feel the opposite. I feel like I was being a child, using magical thinking and an emotional wreck in the marriage. And since leaving am getting more honest, grounded and mature. My marriage was an emotional and mentally shit show. And I made excuses and ignored all the red flags.

But I'm in the small percentage of men that terminated and filed. I thinknthat makes the difference.

In my marriage I choose / was forced to lie constantly. Lie to myself, lie to her, lie to others. Now I'm back to being 100% honest (like before we meet). I can accept and admit I made horrible choices. In the relationship I was embarrassed to talk to others about how fucked up some stuff was. Now I do so openly and freely.

With that said my emotions were all over the place. But we get better at what we practice. In the marriage I practiced being insane; now I practice being accountable and growth. With time all the back ground noise just starts to drop off. And actually peace is left.

TheBoyBand · 2022-10-15T23:14:49+00:00

Its normal and part of process, you will find yourself worth, give it time, I went through same. What helped me finally make it click is figuring out allllll the red flags and making a connection that her cheating had NOTHING to do with Me! Obviously infidelity in my case that im not even ashamed of admitting anymore lol good riddance, AP took the trash out for me.

Spodee5 · 2022-10-16T06:57:47+00:00

Yes absolutely. I’m 50 stripped of my house and will never be able to afford another one here where my children are. Lost all my tools and hunting stuff. I’m in a rental house and every time I need to fix something or work on something I remember I don’t have the tools I used to have and I get pretty upset.

I have tried gym, therapy but over five years now I have trouble shaking these feelings. I just feel lost without my stuff and my hobbies and my house.

chichinfu · 2022-10-16T01:09:26+00:00

My self-esteem is somewhat damaged. I think I'll have to make a long trip, maybe Europe to recover it a little

david10277 · 2022-10-16T13:12:15+00:00

That's not what happens...what happens is you are no longer a husband , a spouse, a lover , a fixer.

That person no longer exist becuaze that person died with the relationship ended.

The problem is most men try to still be that person. You cannot. You must find and new version of you

rmorlock · 2022-10-16T01:01:30+00:00

Yep. I actually talked to Amy therapist about this. He basically said that most men bottle everything and these events commonly uncork everything.

RStonePT · 2022-10-16T19:12:53+00:00

If someone can take it, you never had it to begin with

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-16T11:55:10+00:00

It's called death by 1000 concessions. Read Rich Cooper's book The Unplugged Alpha.

dazedandlost12 · 2022-10-17T01:52:59+00:00

No. Any form of masculinity that tells you not to feel, brother, is an outdated and toxic form that we need not pass on. FEEL. HEAL. You deserve it. Feelings are human.

warrior_up · 2022-10-16T15:31:22+00:00

Hell naa, just teeing off baby

Ambitious-Cheetah-36 · 2022-10-16T20:02:56+00:00

I feel like I’m getting it back. I drink beer, wrench in the garage. Leave the seat up. Take my kids to outdoors stuff.

LittleLemonKenndy · 2022-10-16T23:18:50+00:00

To be honest it does suck man and sometimes words don’t work. But I’m at the point where I’m seeing the better side of things. I’m free now, and it feels great it’ll suck because there’s shit I have to pay but I’m happier and found someone who appreciates me.

I got a beautiful som out of it too. I’m just sick of living like shit because things ended badly with someone I “cared” about. It’s just weird to reflect how we use to Laugh together and can’t stand being around each other but I’d rather move on with scars than be in state of constantly ripping them open tied to that crazy bitch :)

Grantcountyghost · 2022-10-18T16:08:33+00:00

Paying over $25k a year or more for child support and half of college while your ex lives in a million dollar home is emasculating.

Title	anyone feel like they've been stripped off their masculinity?
Author	Cashpowerr
Upvotes	0
Comments	37
Date	October 15, 2022 11:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/y517qe/anyone_feel_like_theyve_been_stripped_off_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-feel-like-theyve-been-stripped-off-their.1135481 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135481