My nights have been getting worse since the separation. I just don't understand how someone who you said Yes I want to spend the rest of my life with, can be evil and treat you like you have done the worst without having true an actual evidence or you even thought of what you were accused of. I've had 3 losses...my grandmother, my mom and now my marriage. Used to having that someone laid next to me and just filling the void. At nights when I can't sleep, I contemplated ending it all. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. You give up so much to be with them, that you would never think they would take your moments of vulnerability and openess. And parade them to other close friends and family as a form of shame. And when I think about all of this , the drama and confusion is just too much. I miss my wife...I miss the person she was and I miss what we had in the beginning. It's getting so bad for me mentally that it's even affecting my performance at my new job. I can't remember sometimes of even the simplest actions my job requires me to do. Even if somehow she wanted to reconcile.... would it even be the same ? Could a new start even change the damages she's created. How much love can you give to have forgiveness for your spouse? It's just bad that the one you give your heart to fucks you over the most...
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