~ archived since 2018 ~

Don't confuse behavior modification for real change.

August 9, 2021

I fell for this so many times. She'd just make nice to get what she wants and then as soon as I'd go "back" - boom back to the same shit. Don't by the ticket, don't take the ride.

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Post Information
Title Don't confuse behavior modification for real change.
Author pegleg_legal
Upvotes 17
Comments 7
Date August 9, 2021 2:18 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/Divorce_Men
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-confuse-behavior-modification-for-real-change.849863
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/p0s90o/dont_confuse_behavior_modification_for_real_change/

[–]fatherofamazinggirls 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My wife has done this with her alcoholism. Does something stupid, apologizes, doesn't drink for a few days or weeks or up to 1 month once. Then as soon as everything seems "ok", she slowly turns back to sneaking and drinking...thinking no one will notice.

[–]CropCircle77 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, alcoholism really is a beast of it's own.

[–]rsmiley77 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You make a good point. This occurred to me with a cheating spouse. She was only ‘good’ while looking. And she wasn’t really even passable at that time to be honest but you know what I mean. The alcohol 🍷 thing is another beast though and sad for anyone who has to go through that.

[–]Richguard23 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I had another example from mine. Major blow out with my daughter when they were out west moving my daughter into a new apartment. Horrific experience being 2000 miles away listening to this chaos And i know it takes two to fight like that but during the calls i heard these things from my wife about my daughter: she is a monster (that i created), she is a disgrace, she is a piece of shit, she is a horrible child, she needs to be on mood stabilizers…These are things she said to me and to my daughter. Of course, I’ve heard many of these insults hurled at me as well…and I’m sure there was a little alcohol involved. As i mentioned, my daughter can be argumentative herself, but to me, a 54 year old woman doesnt resolve conflict like this, its just plain old abuse. My daughter was distraught the next day, tried not to interact with my wife, and it was ready to blow again but finally my daughter decided to put it behind her.

Later i could hear it in my wife’s voice..she knew she had crossed the line. I had told her i didnt sleep, that i had a major knot in my stomach. She knows that this is exactly what i expected to happen at least once on the trip. I had told her before they left that i hope they stay calm and dont get into any fights. She said I’m an asshole and that I cant take any conflict. I can tell she is probing me with her phone calls to detect where i am in processing this nonsense. She is on her best behavior for now.

Until the next time.

[–]pegleg_legal[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I can tell she is probing me with her phone calls to detect where i am in processing this nonsense.

Oh the probing - once you recognize it - it just makes me angry. Totally manipulative.

[–]Richguard23 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like a child testing to see if their parent is still angry with them. Sad.

[–]converter-bot 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

2000 miles is 3218.69 km

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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