ExWife dating again, I suffer

fewdo · 2022-05-07T13:21:27+00:00

Get her out of your house?

OTB1974 · 2022-05-07T13:53:43+00:00

The “let’s be friends” stuff is indeed frustrating, but I’d say just nod and smile (or grey rock it), then enforce your boundaries once things are final and she has moved out. You’d gain little by telling her right now that you don’t want to be friends, and you’d stand to lose a lot (namely, making the process more contentious). Pretty good chance she doesn’t mean it anyway, and is just saying it to make herself feel better.

As for the dating — mine was meeting up for dates within a week of me filing, and I have hard evidence that none of these people were even in the picture before the divorce. Crazy how fast women move on. I just remind myself that our values are different now, and that’s ok, because I like my values. I think working on the divorce, planning for a new financial future, keeping my career on track, pursuing my hobbies, my spirituality, investing in my kids, and hanging out with long time friends are the biggest priorities right now — my life is full without a relationship, and I don’t want the type of partner who’d be ok dating a dude whose entire future is as up in the air as mine is right now. She, on the other hand, is barely thinking a week ahead, and probably won’t draw healthy long term partners into her orbit (which probably isn’t what she values — no big deal, like I said, values are different now).

If you do want another relationship in the future, think of the time you have now as your opportunity to prepare yourself for it. You want to have done the necessary work on yourself before you’re dating, not during.

2022-05-07T14:41:40+00:00

"Let's be friends" is code for "keep in touch so I can remind you constantly that I've moved on and am boning others". Try to go low or no contact. Make a list of all the reasons you are happy not to be with her. Refer to it often.

These feelings will pass with time, hang in there.

AirSailer · 2022-05-07T13:31:27+00:00

Apologies for my bluntnesss... She fucked up your marriage, now you're upset she's dating again? Dude, it sounds like you need to grow a spine and kick her the fuck out of your life. Let her go fuck up another guy's life and be thankful she can no longer fuck up yours.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-05-07T13:47:31+00:00

Her dating is not sudden. It may be to you, but she has been out there for some time. It's pretty sh%%% to do it in front of your face though. I know you know now that it's over, but in today's world there is no saving a marriage. Get her out...pronto. How much is your peace worth? Go watch 'the marriage wheel' by coach greg adams. You will learn a lot about the true nature of 'marriage' Good luck man

sicrm · 2022-05-07T13:56:45+00:00

set a date she has to move out by. her living with you is terrible for your mental state.

here’s another two things that could help:

go to any fighting club (boxing, MMA, etc) and tell the trainer a little about what you’re going through. then get work out until you can’t anymore. then pick a day to do it over again.
look into reading No More Mr. Nice Guy or listening to the audiobook on YouTube. it can help you see what to avoid doing when you are ready to date again. the next relationship after a bad marriage can end up being even worse if you rush in and don’t keep your eyes open.

WartimeDad · 2022-05-07T14:10:07+00:00

For her, regardless of whatever she was saying to you, it was always about her being with other men. You can’t “save” a marriage. Many of us here have tried. This story is so common. It might take you a couple years to process it, but maybe it’s faster if you just accept the truth: all of the problems were stemming from her wanting to fuck other people.

So the silver lining is that this isn’t your fault! You did everything you could. You were thinking of your kid, your family. She was thinking about fucking other men.

The things you need to do now are 1. Understand that she is your opponent litigious. 2. Lawyer up and protect your assets and financial situation. Have zero respect for her. You need to make sure you don’t let her get more than half (from the day of the marriage forward). 3. Lift heavy weights. 4. Meditate. 5. Do not think about this train wreck of a woman for a single second more than necessary to coparent and divide assets. 6. Think much more about other women, hobbies, your freedom.

You aren’t fighting for the marriage anymore. It’s sad, yes, but at least you’re free now. You can sink back into your true self. All that trying to figure out what she wants and make her happy is over. It’s a bummer that it was never going to work because what she wanted was someone else’s dick. This is what it’s always been about for her. She will likely go down that road for a few years before she discovers it’s not actually fulfilling. Don’t ever let her back in.

Good luck man. Please be easy on yourself. You did everything you could and it’s not your fault.

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2022-05-07T14:59:24+00:00

Someone recently posted saying "Not my circus, not my monkey" and it clicked for me.

cmac_yeg · 2022-05-07T15:15:41+00:00

Set boundaries my brother. Establish your own personal limits. It will gain respect from her and will make you confident in the future when you doubt yourself.

derelictherds · 2022-05-07T17:54:52+00:00

All the "let's be friends" talk pisses me off now.

Well then send her packing. "let's be friends" = I will use you as needed.

david10277 · 2022-05-07T18:02:26+00:00

Let me say the obvious

Shes going to suck cock and get fucked.. There I said it..

Get over it..your life needs to continue You should do the same.."the suck cock" part Is if your into that..haha

Been there bro...build your next chapter That chapter is over , sell the house , split and Move on..there are younger hotter girls that will show you the time of your life

Move the fuck on..

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-07T15:52:50+00:00

Get over your Oneitis. She's not one-in-a-million, she's one-of-a-million.

notbnot · 2022-05-07T13:29:02+00:00

The pain is real, expected and understandable. It's okay if you don't want to be friends or talk at all while she is staying with you.

You mention that you "understand that it is over", however - with all due respect - you don't seem to really believe it. It's not gonna be easy, but in order to move on, you need to reflect on this. Blaming her for the failed marriage makes you only live in the past. You need to focus on the present and start planning for the future.

As for the present, a possible course of action would be to help her find a new house. No need to be pushy, but make it clear to her that the situation has taken a toll on you and would like to resolve the housing situation at a priority. Just be respectful to her and supportive to your kid: this will pay up a lot in regard to your mental well-being.

InWeGoNow · 2022-05-07T18:13:38+00:00

You two need to be away from each other. Sorry, it does hurt, but you are prolonging the pain. You need time to feel the full sorrow alone so you can move on. It's your only path forward. If not for you, then for your kids seeing a fully healthy dad. It's shit. Sorry you're going through this.

sublimeonskunk · 2022-05-07T18:17:50+00:00

Are you me?

stent00 · 2022-05-07T17:40:57+00:00

Remember she was never yours....it was just your turn... Once you need that bit of knowledge you will feel a little better.

2022-05-07T19:07:31+00:00

At least your ex didn’t use dcfs and fake domestic claims to have police remove you from the home and try to get a a charge put on you so she can have leverage to take your kid from you like mines is doing I have court in a few days

henrysmyagent · 2022-05-07T22:45:07+00:00

Put her shit in the street and let the new chump take care of her.

People can only take advantage of you IF you let them.

Suchdeathwow · 2022-05-08T03:17:23+00:00

Excuse my language: Fuck that bitch kick her out

TP_Crisis_2020 · 2022-05-08T08:15:42+00:00

All the "let's be friends" talk pisses me off now. Can any of you relate?

Yes. My ex has this friend who is divorced and re-married but stays close friends with her ex husband who they have 2 kids with. I mean it's beyond absolute cringe levels.. like the ex husband goes on vacations and shit with his ex wife and her husband and their kids. The woman makes posts on facebook about how close they are and shit. Any sane man who sees this will have his penis just suck right up into his body and disappear out of pure fear from the reaction to this completely screwed up situation they have going on.

My ex always said she wanted a close friendship with her exes like her friend has with her ex husband, so she has this situation stuck in her thick but tiny little pin head and tries to act like she's friends with me. She's a cauldron of pure BPD evil soup and doesn't understand that all of her exes hate every single cell of her body with the intensity of 1000 suns because she's toxic and runs them all through the BPD gauntlet.

That turned into a rant, but yes.. I can relate with the cringe notion of them wanting to be friends with you after the dust from their bullshit settles a little bit. I can't for the life of me understand what makes them want to be like that, but it seems like it's fairly common in a lot of stories I read.

sublimeonskunk · 2022-05-08T11:23:35+00:00

Hey man, this is me. I can relate to the whole post. I found out about 5 days ago. She’s introducing him to my children today. It really knocked me on my ass when I found out. Only thing that has been worse was when my father died. But I’m also feeling like this is getting close to the end of the shit show that was this divorce. The last step. She’s got my money and a lb of flesh. It’s time for her to fuck off. She’s one of the least intelligent people I’ve ever know. So sometimes you need yo take a step backward before you can charge ahead. Marriage is bullshit. Next…

mfolivas · 2022-05-07T15:58:52+00:00

Let her know that this is your house and you have rules and if she wants to date then she needs to look for something else. Let her know that these are YOUR rules and if she doesn't like it...then, she needs to leave or the door lock will be changed
Tell her that she has 1-2 months to leave the house - you need to move on bro. It's not your fault that rent are messed up (Ilive in Miami...I know!). Also, dude, you did enough and you need to put a clear line in the sand. The longer she's there...the worse it is for you.
Workout, join a group, start a hobby, get with friends, start leaving your life and get back your dignity
No one deserves to be friends when they rip your heart out man. Let her know that you are not friends but co-parents

Tell her that she has 1-2 months to leave the house - you need to move on bro. It's not your fault that rent is messed up (I like in Miami...I know!). Also, dude, you did enough and you need to put a clear line in the sand. The longer she's there...the worse it is for you.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-05-07T17:53:13+00:00

she was never yours, it was just your turn.

also, you can make a big stink with a lawyer, stating how introducing new people to them or in their "environment" home/mom/dad at "such a young age" could be detrimental and caus them to develop trust issues.

this can backfire though and if you ever get someone, she would do the same to you.

my advice? get a hot as fuck escort. the deal should be that the ex never knows and it seems like you can screw her brains out. every three dates, change the escort. but before alll that have an adult* and mature* convo with the ex over messages or email about dating other people.

remember the ex should never know they are escorts or else you could lose custody

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-09T09:13:47+00:00

She's your ex, not your W. Words matter.

black65Cutlass · 2022-05-09T21:21:16+00:00

I can relate. My ex-wife (final in early April) moved out the week before Christmas. I just found out that she started dating a couple weeks after she moved out. I don't want her back, she had a lot of mental health issues, but I guess it bothers me that the marriage didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. Seems like she was done before she even moved out. I am not even ready to start dating yet, I am trying to deal with my emotions from the end of the marriage and the divorce.

The whole time she was moving her stuff out she kept telling me that we were going to be great friends. I didn't really want to be friends at that point, and now that I know she was dating that whole time I really don't want to. I am hoping she will stay no-contact, every time I see her or interact with her it is like ripping the band-aid off again. Good luck to you, it sucks being in this position. My life is calmer, so there is that, but I have hopes it will get better.

Title	ExWife dating again, I suffer
Author	Falafelluvr1976
Upvotes	37
Comments	49
Date	May 7, 2022 1:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ukd2v6/exwife_dating_again_i_suffer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/exwife-dating-again-i-suffer.1115165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115165