How much did you end up paying your ex spouse in a divorce

NothingIsEverEnough · 2021-08-06T15:58:30+00:00

4.5 years is considered a short marriage.

File immediately the longer you i wait the more it will cost you.

So if cost is a worry, time is of a essence

Why do you think you would have to pay her $80,000? She’s an adult she’ll be ordered to work and make her own money

SpacemanLost · 2021-08-06T22:46:27+00:00

My running total is similar to u/used2befast but the components differ. 17 year marriage, life-long SAH/SAHM, 2 small kids at the time. Currently somewhere in the 600 thousands and counting.

We had over a half-million worth of stocks in a brokerage account about 6 years before it all went down. My ex spent that time spending us into a hole - new bigger house, Mercedes SUV, and putting $5-10K monthly on her credit cards while screaming at me "It's for the kids" when I dare to question or try to get her to stop spending like a drunken sailor. (side dudes are expensive I guess).

When we divorced, we were over $100K in debt with no appreciable assets (sold house at 25% loss just in time before the crash really got going in '08), and during the process the company I worked for went bankrupt, leaving me jobless. Didn't help me from getting railroaded in court though.

I took a job out of state, because there zero jobs in my field in the state, and for safety - I was tired of her constantly threatening to file false DV charges on me. Safer to be too far away for her lies. I managed 50+ overnights with my kids the first few years, but did a lot to throw a few wrenches in that and my ability to have calls with them.

She got 3/4 of my retirement, All debts assigned to me, a new $38K SUV, down payment on her new house, and $5K a month between child support and alimony. Her car+mortgage payment was $1200/mo. Of course I was also the hook for all insurance and a ton of the expenses for my kids.

I did however front load the settlement, counting on her greed to make her jump for it. She did. Alimony was over before the 5 year mark. She also blew through the entire retirement account and ran her credit cards up to the max within 12 months. She remarried 2 weeks after the last alimony check cleared.

It was 8 years before I had a positive net worth. Counting equity in our house, it's well over a million today.

6 more child support payments to go, then I'm blocking her forever, as she remains quite delusional. Because of my kids, I've had to endure things like her ranting about how I cheated her out of lifetime alimony of $7K a month (by moving to a state that has 'better' (for her) alimony laws after the divorce was already underway).

tl;dr - Avoid being stupid like me, and retire early and comfortably.

Xan-Diesel · 2021-08-06T16:00:16+00:00

The answers you get will be pretty varied. I was extremely fortunate compared to many men. We used a facilitator through our county court who helped her process the necessary paperwork so we had zero lawyer fees on both sides. We each kept our cars and credit card debt. We were together for 16 years but she left the month before our 10th wedding anniversary. I started saving in my 401k for approximately 5 years before we married. I calculated what half of 10/15ths would be (married for 10 out of the 15 years I put into it and she was entitled to half). Despite her not filing for 7-8 months after that calculation she agreed to that figure, even though she could've fought for much more. She declined spousal support and we agreed to 50/50 custody for our children. This is not the norm at all. I ended up only having to split a portion of my 401k and had no other costs. I was entitled to a portion of her 403b and she agreed to deduct my "share" from what I owed her and this was listed in the judgement paperwork (California).

Rough-Area4765 · 2021-08-07T00:45:06+00:00

Net worth of community assets was $2.9 mil. Her net worth before divorce was $60k. After divorce her net worth was $1.2 million. Two kids, texas child support at $2300 per month for next 10 years. I walked away with all marital debt ($180k) and $1 mil in assets. Paid $258k in attorney fees. She works but spends all her money. Dumbest mistake of my life was to build up “our” net worth over the 7 year marriage. Men build, Women spend and build up debt in same time period.

Community states split down the middle and fathers get screwed every day of the week.

Nothing wakes you up more than a court order that says you have to transfer $1.2 million within 30 days of judge signing your divorce papers. Took me years to build it up. 30 days to transfer it over to her.

BlackFire68 · 2021-08-06T17:15:12+00:00

Divorce immediately. Every day puts you at more risk. She will be “imputed” an income if she doesn’t have one. Minimum wage in your state, or they will look at her earnings over the last 3 years (whichever is more). The difference will be calculated from there. 4.5 years in some states is zero alimony, a few months in others. The longer you wait, the longer you pay.

bfavfc · 2021-08-06T19:06:51+00:00

It was completely amicable. I lucked out .

Hot-Huckleberry5736 · 2021-08-07T01:38:47+00:00

This whole thread would make a man not want to even mess with women anymore. Stay on there own

used2befast · 2021-08-06T18:30:01+00:00

Lost kids to relocation. They’re 5 hours away and I only see them 5 days a month during the school year.

Total - $600,000

$500/mo child support

The system is anti-father

thesecrickets · 2021-08-06T17:02:49+00:00

Split retirements, she's getting $450k+ of that. Splitting the house proceeds 50/50, and then I'm paying a lump sum of $89k in lieu of alimony for life. 28 year marriage.

Some days I think I really got reamed and other days I'm glad I won't have to pay for life.

Time to get finances back on track.

JustTheSpecsPlease · 2021-08-06T19:54:06+00:00

Trending toward 800K for me. STBX was well employed, but decided to take less and less lucrative work as she plotted out her divorce plan.

She'll get half the value of everything I ever bought/built/invented to support our rural footprint, half of my retirement, half of house, a giant pile of temporary spousal support, and permanent spousal support.

The money loss sucks. The state-mandated lifetime of slavery bugs me so much more.

Edit: California, BTW. California hates men, especially mildly successful men.

ThrowAwayRAOoops · 2021-08-06T17:14:05+00:00

Do you have children? Why doesn't she work? How old is she? Has she ever worked? Where are you located (US State?)

You've only been married ~5 years so if you're in the US most states consider that a short term marriage and you won't owe her lifetime spousal support/alimony. you might pay something for a few years but it really depends on her ability to work.

You might have to support her for 2-3 years with some sort of Alimony/Spousal support and if you have children you'll pay child support as well. The longer you wait the more Alimony/Spousal support you'll pay and you'll be paying it longer. Spending money now to get the divorce done will mean you're clear of paying her any obligation sooner. She doesn't have an income so you'll probably have to pay her attorney's fees.

Assets/debts will likely be divided around 50/50 each - you can bargain with debts if you have them and agree to take the debt in exchange for lower or no spousal support obligations though. Everything is negotiable until you get in front of a judge and then they decide it for you.

She needs to get a job, period.

Fin4llyBre4thing · 2021-08-06T18:24:28+00:00

If you are saving $700+ a month then you can afford a lawyer. It is well worth it for the peace of mind. I don't understand why you think you will owe her $70k+. That's fear talking. Is that a lump sum payout? Do some research on the divorce law in your state. Hopefully it's not California... My divorce cost me under 4k with a lawyer. My ex did not work but income was attributed to her as if she did. That was the base line for what I owed her in spousal and child support. I don't know if you have kids, so I'm assuming you don't, but I ended up paying about 25% of my income with spousal and child support.

_nothingmatters_ · 2021-08-06T21:07:58+00:00

Do you have kids?

Lucky_ducky8793 · 2021-08-06T23:00:30+00:00

It’s shouldn’t be this financially crippling to get divorced. It so fucked up. I wish there was a better way. Especially now with rent or housing so ridiculous. There is no way. I have been wondering lately if family law attorneys are taking a hit with people that want to get out of their marriages but can’t bc it’s impossible to live on one income. Especially if spousal support and child support are involved. Fukin ridiculous.

kharon86 · 2021-08-07T00:25:57+00:00

Sometimes it depends on the state. Here in Maine you only owe alimony of the marriage was longer than 10 years. I believe that's a relatively new law.

thefudmaster · 2021-08-07T04:09:16+00:00

File now and don’t agree to anything regarding payments. Less than five years shouldn’t result in alimony.

Mynewadventures · 2021-08-07T21:10:06+00:00

Lawyer. These are questions for your lawyer only.

hombredelgato · 2021-08-06T16:02:18+00:00

Who is initiating the divorce?

Why would you pay for her attorney? If you pay then her attorney works for you, not her.

If she doesn’t have income to pay for an attorney then suggest a negotiated settlement.

She gets 1/2 of the marital assets. 4.5 years should not equate to any continued support regardless of how much you earn or can save.

Is she capable of working? Does she have any work history? Do you have kids?

By the way. Get an attorney before you do anything.

SzDiverge · 2021-08-09T17:17:18+00:00

Why do you think you'll be paying 70-80k? Where does that number come from? Many have asked and you have yet to answer.

If she doesn't work, of course you'll be paying for her lawyer too - it comes from the combined funds and/or credit.

If your wife doesn't work, can she? The courts can assign a wage to her as if she were working, then calculations are based on that.

Your marriage is short and no kids.. you won't be paying alimony for long, if at all. It depends on your location - TALK TO A LAWYER.

Get several free consultations for lawyers and ask them these same questions. You'll get a good idea of what will happen to you.

Heyyyyyyyuuuhhhh · 2021-08-14T03:13:42+00:00

Lawyer up right now and file immediately. The lawyer will be able tell you exactly what your expenses will be. Do not wait any longer. DO NOT consult your STBXW about you filing. She can make all the threats and demands she wants, but absolutely none of those hold true until the judge signs off on the court order. The not-knowing portion of divorce is highly stressful, which again is why you really need to hire a lawyer ASAP to get every detail ironed out.

EDIT- Wanted to add many lawyers offer free consultations and can give you a pretty solid estimate of the total costs so long as you provide them with as much accurate, factual numbers-based information as possible.

Title	How much did you end up paying your ex spouse in a divorce
Author	bbstar23
Upvotes	21
Comments	55
Date	August 6, 2021 3:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/oz999j/how_much_did_you_end_up_paying_your_ex_spouse_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-did-you-end-up-paying-your-ex-spouse-in-a.822218 https://theredarchive.com/post/822218