I realize posting on a divorce thread for a guy dating someone is already a red flag. I was in a serious relationship for ten years and recently was given an ultimatum to propose or break up. I decided to end it. Here are a few things I've learned.

I've never really wanted to get married. To me, it actually seems contrary or antithetical to true love or whatever you want to call it ... but when I think of two people staying together because they want to that seems infinitely more loving than keeping an artificial contract and forcing them to stay together.

My ex and I could never agree on where to live. We are both only children. She wanted to live on the east coast near her parents, and I wanted to live on the west coast near mine. She agreed she would "come there sometimes" if we were to get married but never showed any interest in visiting or wanting to be a part of their lives. This became a huge issue for me, because it led to tons of conflict and fighting. I also didn't believe her and knew if we had a child together I would probably visit my home town/family at best once or twice a year.

The highs were really high, but the lows were incredibly low. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells with her, and I never felt emotionally safe. I used these words often with her -- emotional safety. We could never respectfully disagree or discuss anything without a huge fight. It became exhausting to me, so I gave up.

I had felt a long time pressure to decide, so I decided. Now I live in my home city close to friends and family and feel the person I want to be with would value and respect that choice. Maybe I am wrong, but my anxiety is gone. Maybe I'll never get married, but that is okay also. I still really want to have a family and am hopeful that will happen but with the right person.

I've learned a lot from this thread and want to be realistic about the prospects of marriage and what it means to marry the right or wrong person.

Thanks gents