I want to abandon my children

Thinkingtoomuch101 · 2022-10-05T12:56:40+00:00

Going through similar. I was at the lowest point with my kids about 6 months ago. I will always have the belief that my ex has been “poisoning” them against me and was causing much of these issues, but she continues to play the faultless victim. I was at the point of abandoning the girls when they told me point blank that they didn’t want to see me anymore or want me in their lives at all. I gave them space (a couple months away) and then went right back to the consistency of our custody agreement. It’s still a struggle but I have started to repair our relationship. Every time I pick them up, I still see the confusion and chaos she creates, and I have to spend time trying to unwind the girls from the lies and misinformation she gives them. I still have moments of thinking they would be better off without me, but I quickly snap out of it and stay the course of consistency. It can be heartbreaking, but don’t give up.

ThcLoserGuy · 2022-10-05T12:42:26+00:00

Don't do it man. I had that brief moment early in my divorce. Was actually considering taking my life for a while. Stick with it. Be there for your kids. Abandoning them will fuck them up for life. This feeling will pass. Depression and anxiety can fuck up your rational thinking. Breathe bud, you'll get through this.

WherestheCheeseGone · 2022-10-05T06:47:14+00:00

You need to protect your children from that woman. I know its hard , probably the hardest thing you’ll ever face in your life but you’ve got to do it. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck!

CB33isGMC · 2022-10-05T13:29:23+00:00

Walk and go completely radio silent bro. It doesn’t have to be permanent but you need to establish very early in the process that you are willing to do so. Using your kids against you is the only trick she knows and you need to neutralize that shit.

Women only pull this bullshit with “Good Dads”. Stop playing nice.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2022-10-05T07:15:46+00:00

Don't do it, I did it for a year because of Parental Alienation their Mother was doing. I woke up and decided to fight back and during the process, my oldest(Alienation) worked on her but, by me leaving helped and she and I don't have a relationship but my younger two, I have them every other weekend. You may need a lawyer and take her to Court for harassment and false claims. I don't know but, you have to fight. Fight like hell.

No_Pen_3200 · 2022-10-05T17:20:16+00:00

Unfortunately, despite what a lot of females say, this is the most common reason for men abandoning their children, or not using their visitation. At some point the female has been so horrible to them that the best interest of the child is to not have them see the confrontations. This is yet again another thing that women can completely get away with, and us guys would wind up in prison for.

JonathanApple · 2022-10-05T13:27:58+00:00

I've been at the edge many times man, please reconsider, one day the kids will be older and need you.

It sucks, it sucks so damn bad and I am so sorry. I am doing my best to stay healthy for when my kid eventually needs me more. Good luck.

InWeGoNow · 2022-10-05T14:06:05+00:00

It sounds like they'd beworse off without you and only having the mom as a role model. I hope you can fight this through. That's a horrible spot you're in. I hope to see you post about the plan and then success in the future. Keep us posted. Good luck!

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-05T14:31:00+00:00

Sit down with your family and figure out a plan to stop the harassment. You might want to consider a lawyer. They might be able to formulate a letter warning her of civil suits if she continues with making false claims. Make sure you have a door camera as well.

I would also speak cps. I realize you have to do your job. But do you go back to the ex and say you need to stop calling with false claims?

No_Pen_3200 · 2022-10-05T14:24:22+00:00

My ex was perfectly civil until she found out I was dating again.. 1.5 after separation...

I hope it passes because now my 8yr old is using loaded excuses to skip our time, and the ex is using family events as the excuse the other times... I haven't seen my daughter in more than a week and this bullshit only happens when there is a perceived slight against her.

HondaCrv2010 · 2022-10-05T16:27:55+00:00

When the mom is saying bad things about you in front of the child, be the bigger person and tell your children sometimes mommy and daddy doesn’t agree but it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. I know it can be hard acting like the judge is right next to you is the only way for men to win. When she argues with you over text don’t engage. Show the judge you’re the sensible one

rhpeterson72 · 2022-10-06T00:40:40+00:00

I went through a terrible divorce in 2009, where I was escorted from my home because of fabricated domestic violence charges (which were later dropped). I am also a professional counselor, so I will share some thoughts from that perspective.

I hear you saying you're hurting and that you wonder if all the fighting is worth it. I hear you saying you're worried about the damage being done to your kids. I hear you saying you feel you're out of options. I hear you, brother. In many respects, I've been there. I spent $75k on my divorce and am finally (after 13 years) out of debt from it.

Whatever trauma your kids are facing, it is less than the trauma of losing their father. You've articulated who your ex is and what she's done. Got it. And at the end of the day, your kids need a functional parent. That's you.

You are tired. You feel like giving up. I hear you. And there are many support groups that are free that can support you. During my divorce I found the ManKind Project and went through the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA). It changed my life and gave me my balls back. (Yes, I am still involved with the organization, and no, I don't get any incentive (financial or otherwise) for promoting it.) Research it online. If it calls to you, get involved. The weekly groups are free. The NWTA weekend can be expensive. If you want to go and can't because of money, scholarships are available.

You feel like giving up. That's normal. And it would teach your kids that if they don't want a marriage, they can misbehave their way out of it.

There are things only you, as a father, can give your kids. The fight is worth it, but you need support. Find it. Good support from other men doesn't need to cost anything. Online support like this can help, but it's no substitute for in person support from other men who can help shoulder your pain. Don't turn away from such opportunities. They saved my life, and 13 years later, I have a good relationship with each of my kids. I had to fight like hell.

You can too. Your kids need you, and you need your brothers. There are lots of men who will support you. Find them. And if you want to chat, DM me. Best of luck! -R

2022-10-05T16:11:19+00:00

I felt like this at some point i got tired of being threaten with fake order of protection for just trying too see what school my daughter goes too too visit her and i never had a criminal record now i have one for a fake abuse the case was dropped but im still in the system for that its sad we have too go threw this just too spend time with our children

ATLien66 · 2022-10-06T02:54:04+00:00

Hang in there, homie.

I get it.

You have to hang in there.

Don’t fuck up your kids anymore than they will become so as tweens-teens.

You got this.

TheOleCurmudgeon · 2022-10-06T04:07:05+00:00

Rebecca zung has YouTube channel might be of some help with this

zippyweinstein · 2022-10-05T15:39:32+00:00

Whatever you do don’t have anymore children. We have enough miserable abandoned children with no fathers in this world. That goes for everyone agreeing with you.

traveller1976 · 2022-10-05T15:36:01+00:00

Really sorry to hear this. I'd document all the false accusations and evidence of refutation, make a small book out of it and hand it to the kids when each turns 18. Include a letter saying you love them and will be there for them. Don't abandon them without giving them a choice.

occoptionplaya · 2022-10-05T16:02:07+00:00

My ex is doing the same stuff to me. I have decided I will NEVER give up on my children. Never. I will fight through the broken family court system, spend all my money and all my energy, but my kids are worth it. You need to counterbalance the poison she puts in them. Eventually she will stop. Also, when the kids are older, they will realize what their crazy mom has done and will side with you. Stay strong brother. Giving up is not an option (in my opinion).

samk002001 · 2022-10-05T23:14:36+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, but every kid needs his/her daddy! Keep moving forward one leg at a time, and it might be muddy and full of shit in the front but it’s worth it. There’s only one childhood in every kid life, and you want to be in their childhood and create those memories for them.

key96largo · 2022-10-05T23:57:11+00:00

You'll never regret being there for your kids, but you will almost certainly regret NOT being there. Someday you'll want to have a relationship with your grandchildren too, so you have to think about this in terms of playing the long game. Stick with it. They need you, whether they know it or not.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-10-05T06:44:45+00:00

It’s your choice. If they love you and believe you’re fighting for them and then you walk away - that’ll be a problem, albeit not yours.

simjanes2k · 2022-10-05T13:07:30+00:00

This thread is depressing as FUCK.

Just the title itself makes me instantly think you're a monster, and I can't picture any possible scenario in the universe that would untangle it.

Men who abandon their children for any reason whatsoever are not men. Full fucking stop.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-05T11:24:10+00:00

> I want to abandon my children

Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. If all it takes is some unwanted attention from CPS then maybe the kids are better off with a parent who cares about them. There are dads who do whatever it takes to get parenting time with their kids. They would claw through a wall if you told them their kids were on the other side. You made the choice to bring children into the world. Instead of giving up, you should be getting pissed off and doing something about it. Grow some balls instead of falling on your sword.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-10-05T12:22:51+00:00

This may be an unpopular opinion but that is NOT a bad choice. You do what you have to do to protect yourself.

Classic_Dill · 2022-10-05T19:19:16+00:00

Dude.........find your balls and get a lawyer involved in this, you can easily send a letter, telling her that a lawsuit is being filed if she doesn't stop. "I want to abandon, my children" , take a long look at that.

Buckyohare84 · 2022-10-05T10:46:04+00:00

You set the example. What kind of dad do you want to be?

hikeruntravellive · 2022-10-06T00:22:50+00:00

I don’t have advice to offer but I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-10-06T18:51:58+00:00

You don't want to abandon your children. You want your ex to abandon her children so she stops using them to harass you. I want the same thing.

Title	I want to abandon my children
Author	No_Pen_3200
Upvotes	37
Comments	79
Date	October 5, 2022 6:39 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xw304w/i_want_to_abandon_my_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-want-to-abandon-my-children.1135028 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135028