If you have any thoughts of divorce, do it quickly. It is better to be wrong about ending a good relationship, than to be wrong about trying to save a bad one.

Rjs617 · 2022-10-27T13:58:17+00:00

Too late for me also. I have to give half of what I make to someone I dislike, with no end in sight, while raising a child essentially by myself. I can’t believe it when I read guys on Reddit with no children who have been married less than ten years talk about how they can’t leave because they co-own a house or because they are worried about what is going to happen to the dog. Maybe your post will wake some of them up.

orussell03 · 2022-10-27T14:07:01+00:00

I agree. Women are already ahead of men on this. When women decide they want to leave, they rip the bandaid in a heartbeat. We men are emotional idiots to keep mulling over the decision to end a relationship.

I personally think men need to have the confidence that they can get another woman. It's that fear that keeps us from taking the leap of faith.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-27T15:13:46+00:00

You can't "save" your relationship. Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. If you put her on a pedestal and treat her like a celebrity, she will treat you like a fan.

Most men don't understand female nature, and their relationship withers due to a 1000 concessions. She's also not one-in-a-million, she's one-of-a-million. Once you really internalize that, then you have frame.

woodford11 · 2022-10-27T18:12:40+00:00

Yep no waited. In 24 years and now have to give a over a million dollars just in alimony. Not even including 50-% of everything else which is her right The alimony is ridiculous I get I should have to pay some… but for 20 years ? BS

akihonj · 2022-10-27T20:14:54+00:00

Better to avoid it altogether and never get married, never put yourself at the mercy of a woman who will let you think she's something she isn't and a government who enjoys the easy transfer of wealth.

If you must do something that stupid then always go with a prenup, if your laws are bullshit and a judge can throw it out then back to point one.

If you don't do the prenup and are seriously that dumb then be prepared and make sure that you always have a backup, somewhere you can get to when you notice things going south, don't try to fix it, the moment the ring went on the finger it was broken.

Rad_dad247 · 2022-10-28T04:17:56+00:00

I’m gunna say this bluntly I was in a terrible 7 year marriage where I was treated terribly and I simped for almost 7 years before I finally broke. I was given no respect, my maniless went “away” etc. I’m gunna say bluntly as well after my divorce I hit the gym hard for two years, got custody of our one kid, gained a degree from school, and got out of debt. It was around this time women were FLOCKING my inbox. And it wasn’t just normal women, I’m talking smoking hot milfs, etc. I even got a “come over” at two am text. None of these women even bothered to ask me if I wanted a relationship. And that’s when I realized how many women were in the sea, and I completely forgot about my ex wife and how “perfect” I used to think she was, when she in fact was abusive. Nothing like getting the “I want our family back” text from ur broke ass ex wife while ur getting fed strawberries from a smoking hot gym girl In a hot tub in the mountains years after the divorce. Post divorce can be what u make of it. Hit the gym, HARD, clean yourself up, new clothes haircut etc. bank account, etc and watch the magic.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-27T14:03:57+00:00

Words of wisdom.

sicrm · 2022-10-27T14:36:22+00:00

yep a lot of people had their chance to get out early and choose the wrong path.

one thing guys who walked that path can do though is find a lawyer that has experience with cases like theirs and see if there’s an exit plan that could make it somewhat bareable.

if there’s not then at least you can say you tried or look into some more drastic options.

CampaignOk3234 · 2022-10-28T01:23:51+00:00

I disagree, What I’m going thru now is the same experience, but with different women, same shit-different day, if you will. I find it so unfulfilling. This month I dated and bedded two 30yr olds and a 20yr old and also nailed my ex (haha). All very beautiful women. Actually the 20yr old was not really my type , short and petite polynesian. Everyone is different but even though I’m horny, I really didn’t enjoy these experiences.

From a cost standpoint, I felt being married was priceless. The breakdown of our marriage was painful , depressing, humiliating. But I don’t regret the experience. It feels so incredible to love someone and you think its the peak; but when they love you back, its our purpose. Not saying one person is the limit, but that’s why we are here. To blow our loads into someone we love that loves us back.

But back to money, I’ve only done drinks and apps so yea it is cheaper than a wife. But marriage is more than that. Paying hundreds for soccer league, my daughters first goal, finally, that’s priceless! Wifey wanting to upgrade her 2021 Miata to a Boxter, I made it happen , but she still spending on more purses and shoes, not saying I don’t get it guys, but divorce is always about more than the money.

Gattsama · 2022-10-28T06:55:47+00:00

17 years together, 12+ years married, no kids, she's a SAHW and hasn't worked for 12 years. Dead bed since summer 2019, I moved out Oct 2021 and I filed Feb 2021. The last 2-3 years were a slow motion train wreck. I would 'fantasize' about divorce, or leaving, or her dying (just being honest). I would make all these promises to myself that I would break: "if we haven't fixed X by time Y I will do Z." I became a liar, I lied to myself, I lied to her and I lied to others to 'keep and protect the marriage.' I was mentally and emotionally abused, and I CHOOSE to stay and work like a horse to support, care for and bless her.

I'm 48y/o now, but since moving out I a have never been more peaceful and stress free. In fact the only stress I have is selling the house. I am working on being physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financially fit. I have to work extra shifts to cover the court ordered temp support & my new life/rental/bills but I actually have MORE discretionary income then when we were together.

I came to accept that she will not change, and if there was going to be any change in the relationship it would come from me. At first, me trying to take care of myself and ultimately me choosing to terminate the relationship.

HOWEVER, all of this came from moving out in Oct 2021. And that was because she told me to leave, then took off her ring. If she haven't told me to leave I most likely would still be there, breaking promises, lying to myself, slowly dying and working to death.

I appreciate this tread, because if you are in a bad marriage you feel like a quitter, failure, bad person, etc. for choosing to leave. But the truth is if you were a 3rd party you would say bounce. Please work on loving yourself as much as you love others, and choose to take care of yourself / leave if needed.

fishingforthought · 2022-10-27T18:22:21+00:00

As they say we’re I am from:

It took a long time but I got here as fast as I could.

Sea_Voice_864 · 2022-10-27T19:50:59+00:00

My stbxw recently wants us to keep the marriage for the next year or 2. the main reason is that our kids are small, 4 kids under 7, the youngest 2.5yo. The 2 youngest are quite needy and attached to her, and she doesn't want the split to negatively impact them. I want to move on, and get my own place, but confused about what to do.

Both of us are working, and the schedule could be challenging at times to handle our own week. I just don't know what to do in general, and I dread the time commitment to file the paper, find a house, and re-build everything from scratch...

Any advice, experience is greatly appreciated

thedarkaquarian007 · 2022-10-27T21:07:52+00:00

mediation is the best course of action. Politely explain to her that you want out of the marriage and hope she will understand.

Ok-Mind-4721 · 2022-10-28T04:25:55+00:00

If only I had held onto that turd….I’d still be needing to defecate. Literal human waste.

Glad that I excised/excreted it when I did but regret not filing for dissolution sooner.

3.5 shotty years married and ten months so far to terminate the abortus that is our childless failure.

I shoulda taken this thing out back of the barn with a .22 supershort awhile before proposing. Ah well the female poweds and all

Gonzo458 · 2022-10-28T11:49:16+00:00

I just lucked out. We didn’t even make it a full year. I isolated from family, friends, playing music, and barely got to golf. She didn’t necessarily care, but yet she did. Halfway through the marriage I kept asking for a sign if it was truly meant to be, something I was wholeheartedly sure of before I even proposed. Me thinking that almost daily should’ve been my sign. She even got stung on her fucking eyelid the day of our ducking wedding (I wasn’t second guessing at this point.

I do want to say that I did may share of damage. She was the one who ended it. But, it happened for the best. She did what I couldn’t do which definitely made me feel weak as a man. I tried to the best of my ability guys. I’m not perfect. It still hurts to love so much and then lose. Good luck to anyone and everyone trying to figure shit out.

pk2at · 2022-10-27T16:24:42+00:00

It still amazes me why married men do not legally separate (and continue to be married) in states where its allowed or at least get a post-nup. There is very bad advice being given to boys

Fyfel · 2022-10-28T01:36:29+00:00

This is the worst advice ever! 😂🤣

Title	If you have any thoughts of divorce, do it quickly. It is better to be wrong about ending a good relationship, than to be wrong about trying to save a bad one.
Author	5unshine_Daydream
Upvotes	35
Comments	40
Date	October 27, 2022 1:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yes6ni/if_you_have_any_thoughts_of_divorce_do_it_quickly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-you-have-any-thoughts-of-divorce-do-it-quickly.1137134 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137134