Guys,

I’m afraid she is going to win everything. Her abuse was harsh and relentless in the marriage. Now, after divorcing me in the most behind my back, planned out, aggressive way possible, she has an attorney that’s an absolute shark. She’s got deep pockets and is using them to destroy me. I can’t get out from under her wrath. Every day her attorney sends more shit my way. Every single day.

I worked my ass off trying to protect myself, but it’s as if the system is set up to destroy me. Nobody believes what I went through in that marriage, and I didn’t sit there and try to get evidence of it while it was happening, because I didn’t know this was coming or that she would make it so contentious.

I’m glad I’m out of the marriage but I’m struggling with the fact that I’ve lost everything. Every single asset. Gone. Have a pathetic amount of time on the temp order with my kid, who I am/was super close with. Kid needs me and so I’m working hard to get that situation straight but the way it’s going things are not looking good.

I’ve done all I can to try and stay healthy but I’m falling apart. I know it’s exactly what she wants. She wants me broke and broken. I’m just devastated. I can’t even drum up feelings anymore. I worked so hard just to get a roof over my head and it’s as if i would rather be outside in the cold still. How could I possibly get through this? Working out doesn’t help. Nothing helps. Don’t even know why I’m writing this, it won’t help either.

The legal system is broken. There’s no question about it. I’m afraid she will win everything because she will. I’m a piece of shit, she says it’s so, and that makes it true. She’s bent on convincing every person she knows. Her friends. My coworkers. Her lawyer. My lawyer. Counselors. Doctors. They all think I’m a piece of shit. Why would I ever think a judge will see it any other way? I’m human but they want me to be a magician and pull money out of nowhere and know exactly what to do. Everything I do turns out to be used against me as yet another example of me being a piece of shit.

Fuck.