Is marriage worth it?

MustardColoredVolvo · 2021-09-18T13:48:48+00:00

Not ever again. Not worth it.

MrProspector420 · 2021-09-18T13:31:39+00:00

Never

rmorlock · 2021-09-18T13:57:16+00:00

Least_Winter9632 · 2021-09-18T14:47:01+00:00

Never again. A good dog seems enough for me

jnkboy64 · 2021-09-18T14:03:37+00:00

Hell no. I'll never be married again.

fps81 · 2021-09-18T17:39:44+00:00

I have three boys and I’m telling them emphatically don’t get married, Don’t have kids with a woman. Adopt or hire a surrogate, cohabitate if you choose to. Never agree to support a woman for the rest of your life.

KEK0811 · 2021-09-18T23:51:58+00:00

No. Not saying i don't miss the life a little bit, but when you get cheated on after 18 years, unfortunately teaches you that you can never trust anyone again. Just really opens your eyes to the selfishness that people are capable of. Don't care if I meet the "woman of my dreams" tomorrow, there will be no rings exchanged.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-09-18T13:47:40+00:00

Marriage has undergone drastic changes in the last 50 years. What used to be a life-long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. In trying to make divorce “fail-safe” for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, the bad ones included, society has made marriage “unsafe” for virtually everyone else.

Marriage was a worthy goal for a man about 50 years ago. Today, not so much. Some things changed in our culture: legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong, except the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women.

And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy. They expect to have it all - and they are being told that they should have it all - that their whim and feelings are most important. Somehow they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle - and when it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better.

Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this scrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. – Charles Schwab

Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage.

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave. – Jim Carrey

crowexplorer · 2021-09-18T17:47:42+00:00

I never want to feel trapped again.

b757pilot · 2021-09-18T23:57:52+00:00

Married 28 years. 58 years old and will never do this again. Its a sham

yourmomshotvag · 2021-09-18T13:35:08+00:00

Nope.

mrk177 · 2021-09-18T15:37:38+00:00

My divorce wasn’t even bad, we handled everything amicably without lawyers. She didn’t want a dime from me and have 50/50 custody with the kids. With all that said I would NEVER get married again. Getting the government involved in a relationship doesn’t make any sense to me.

sicrm · 2021-09-18T14:20:00+00:00

if you marry someone who doesn’t have a plan for divorce in their mind beforehand, you’re in the minority.

rubix_fucked · 2021-09-18T18:26:58+00:00

Too much risk. Little or no return.

A_StableGenius · 2021-09-18T21:34:25+00:00

Never again!

“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.” -George W. Bush

SpiritualEnema · 2021-09-18T15:31:14+00:00

Unlikely. What a scam it all is

Mindless-Self · 2021-09-18T18:13:08+00:00

Would I consider it? Yes.

Would I do it unless it came with a seven figure check? No.

bomb_adrenaline · 2021-09-18T15:39:58+00:00

Nope. Doesn’t make sense to involve the government in things it shouldn’t be concerned with, which is the love between two people

OO7Shay · 2021-09-18T15:55:13+00:00

I just don't see the benefit. Why? It's a piece of paper that legally gives someone the opportunity to own you. There are no longer any real benefits. So that's a NO

vector5633 · 2021-09-18T18:02:44+00:00

Not a fucking bit! Been there, done that! Never again!!!

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-09-18T21:16:04+00:00

I find it hard to imagine a scenario in which I'd want to cohabitate with someone again, let alone get married again.

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2021-09-18T21:24:51+00:00

Absolutely not! I would be ok with casual dating or fwb, but that's it.

datsoar · 2021-09-19T01:13:55+00:00

I’ll add my perspective because it’s different and you asked for opinion. All the other posters are absolutely in the right to have their opinions, their opinions are valid.

For context, my divorce will be finalized next month but we already have a marriage separation agreement in place. My (soon to be) ex-wife makes a considerable amount more money than I do and all retirement accounts, stock portfolios, even our house were in her name. She’s keeping the house, giving me a significant portion of the retirement accounts, and monthly maintenance for more than quarter the length of the marriage. No kids.

I would be open to it but I’m not actively seeking it out like I was when I was younger. I really wanted to get married when I was young. Looking back, it was because I was insecure and wanted a “break up proof” relationship. In hindsight that is obviously a dumb frame of mind.

We were married for 15 years, most of which I was a fairly shitty partner. I didn’t cheat - but in many ways I put the burden of the relationship on my ex, content to just drift along in life.

I’m way less insecure these days, and am much more confident in knowing what characteristics and qualities I am looking for in a romantic partner. I have done a lot of work on myself and would be a much less selfish partner myself.

For the first time in almost two decades, I’m enjoying being single and casually meeting people. If someone I genuinely cared for wanted to discuss potential marriage I would have that conversation and find out if our expectations of what marriage means line up. One thing I’ve learned to be very true is that most hurt and disappointment is the result of unmet expectations and that most unmet expectation is the result of poor communication.

derelictherds · 2021-09-18T14:46:20+00:00

Hell no.

Rustic_Father · 2021-09-18T14:49:38+00:00

It can be. The biggest factor is finding the right partner. Long dating and king living together times are highly recommended. Even with that I think a prenup is important

eked-1213 · 2021-09-18T15:01:33+00:00

Not worth it at all.

RReaderCreep21 · 2021-09-18T15:02:46+00:00

As of this second... Not at all.

Physical-Pie748 · 2021-09-18T15:04:56+00:00

rockhoppernostopper · 2021-09-18T15:15:09+00:00

Electronic_Sun2314 · 2021-09-18T15:47:56+00:00

Absolutely not. I now don’t believe in the concept of marriage for me. I’m just so jaded at the idea that I thought I could make a decision that would bound me for the rest of my life.

Formal_Republic_4313 · 2021-09-18T15:57:05+00:00

Nope

Sad-Biscotti-6608 · 2021-09-18T19:09:29+00:00

Probably not. If I do, prenuptial, separate finances, and her name will not be on any of my assets.

thefudmaster · 2021-09-19T03:23:49+00:00

I got married again after my first divorce. Perfect woman in all ways before marriage. Once we said I do, sex immediately cut off except once every 3-6 months. On top of this she turned into an absolute nightmare in every way afterward. Never again.

Facers70 · 2021-09-19T03:31:24+00:00

My first marriage ended with her cheating and moving in with the guy. She wanted to be with him so bad that she left me everything, including our 3yr old son. She eventually stopped contacting us both about the time he was six. A few years later she contacted me (knowing I was remarried) asking if I'd leave my wife and try again.

My current "wife" and I are in the midst of a divorce. Same damn situation. She was cheating, fell in love. I got very weak and compromised my own principals and was willing to stay with her. After about 18 months, I finally grew a back bone and said enough was enough. I got her to sign a post-nuptial and sign the divorce decree stating she wanted nothing. Leaving me the house, retirement and investment accounts, even the pets. She has spoke of reconciling now that the clock is ticking. (my other two long term serious relationships also ended with them leaving me, not me leaving them - and they all came back after the fact trying to get back together).

I am not blameless in either situation, mind you. I made my mistakes and have my faults - but none were marriage ending or cause for these two to go off cheating. And I learn my lessons, see where I am at fault and overcome them.

Still, if I find love and get married again - it's all prenup. I am not risking a third time. No shared accounts, no shared mortgage or loans, no shared investments. For community property states - what's mine is and stays mine, what's hers is and stays her. Period. And if I don't remarry, oh well. I don't need it.

isensemuchfearnu · 2021-09-19T03:36:54+00:00

I'm still in the separation phase where she's banging my friend doesn't really live here but since it's 50/50 in California she makes sure she comes in and causes trouble I've already been in so much pain that I never thought I would feel in my life and this is only the fourth week I can imagine what the rest of you have felt so the answer is HELL NO.

warrior_up · 2021-09-18T20:58:11+00:00

As long as there’s social media and men constantly giving women non stop attention and the type Of woman required to make her marriage last these days, conservative, loyal, no selfies or thousands of followers, past history on dating apps, precious failed marriages, bastard kids etc. which is a unicorn in 2021 - unfortunately yes, I highly regret being naive and letting my so called wife ruin my financial situation and take my kids away. Add in the child support incentive - marriage doesn’t stand a chance anymore

At the first sign of adversity, they all start preparing for the monkey branch, teeing up what they think is a better opportunity, unwilling to remember their marriage vows

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2021-09-18T19:41:26+00:00

Good God no. Once was enough for me. I've seen too many guys get royally shafted financially while also being placed into Disneyland dad status where they get to see their kids every other weekend. That's if they are lucky. Other guys have been basically cut out of their kids lives completely. The risks far outweigh the rewards.

WayParticular7222 · 2021-09-19T02:06:53+00:00

Not at my age. 66 no way

pswrd666_666_666_ · 2021-09-19T17:12:49+00:00

a.) wait until you're at least in 30s, try to marry a mature person; at least "ready" for marriage

b.) don't marry into a family that doesn't have a pot to piss in, in the 1st place

ordinaryalchemy · 2021-09-19T11:16:32+00:00

Never ever.

Total-Pipe-4540 · 2021-09-20T08:04:21+00:00

Second thought no way under any conditions

dudefromyork · 2021-09-20T09:52:39+00:00

I heard a comedian (possibly Jim Jeffries) talking about this very topic. His point was this:

Divorce and separation are extremely bad/ruinous for men, both mentally and financially. Let’s say 50% of marriages end with divorce.

Now let’s say you’re in a plane with your buddies and you’re all going skydiving. Then the instructor points at the parachutes and says “only 50% of these are going to open”. Do you still want to jump out of that plane?

SkeptiCynical · 2021-09-21T17:07:29+00:00

I've said it before and I'll say it here: there is no net benefit to marriage for men in the 21st century.

MNCPA · 2021-09-19T03:44:34+00:00

Maybe. It would have to be a much better deal for the risk of a divorce.

sliding_through · 2021-09-19T04:31:31+00:00

fuck no bro

dkblue1 · 2021-09-19T05:31:22+00:00

Never again, but it was a good experience. I wish I went into marriage like a lease agreement. That way I wouln't have bullshit idea about "till death do us part."

Haha that now sounds so crazy to me. Lmao "I vow forever to have and to hold..."

kapriece · 2021-09-19T05:57:04+00:00

NO X ♾️

Total-Pipe-4540 · 2021-09-20T08:03:01+00:00

Hahahahah ya if she won the powerball and was knocked up with my triplets. In that order

jorgenpr · 2021-09-18T14:18:45+00:00

With the caveat that my divorce wasn't terrible: I'd consider it. After my divorce I was in a relationship with a woman who I considered marrying, but we were in no rush. There were a lot of good things about our relationship and (as always) some bad. We broke up a few months ago and are still unwinding a life of eight years together. But even a rough breakup of a relationship that old hasn't soured me on marriage.

I'm planning to be single for a while, just me and the kids, and we'll see how things go but I'm still open to the idea of a long term relationship with someone who'll be a good partner and a safe person for me.

platonic_thoughts · 2021-09-18T20:44:15+00:00

the current divorce rate is 50%..

I think that says enough alone.

we’re in modern times, and life isn’t comparable (marriage wise) to what once was in the 60’s and 70’s.

there’s literally no benefit that a man gains with marriage.. especially if you’re doing well for yourself financially.

keep it as a “serious relationship” and things will go much smoother.

once you’re “locked in”, shit becomes different and many things become obligatory.

also, can’t forget the payments of alimony once a divorce happens.

don’t do it.

daedalis2020 · 2021-09-18T14:40:17+00:00

I remarried, rather quickly. I met a great woman and I’m very happy.

I got a solid prenup this time though.

Mickwillie · 2021-09-18T20:41:23+00:00

Damn some of you guys are really scorned.

BrkHeart5252 · 2021-09-19T00:33:53+00:00

You can perfectly love aomeone and have kids without marriage. See my post history for horror stories.

letak2018 · 2021-09-18T15:55:45+00:00

Yeah. Prenup.

djones360 · 2021-09-19T03:57:33+00:00

The amount of the therapy that still needs done by people in this group is astounding. I cringed at almost all of these posts.

AskLeading241 · 2021-09-18T17:00:17+00:00

I’m not a man BUT this post is a trap because you’re posing the question towards men that have gone through a divorce. Do you honestly expect for a man that has gone through a divorce to say anything about the benefits of marriage?…I’m a woman going through a separation RN & it hasn’t been easy but I haven’t let this experience jade my perception of marriage. I had a bad experience because I PICKED/CHOSE the wrong person. Also, My partner & I both made great money/assets but we never have tried to take advantage of one another after things ended.

rb5775 · 2021-09-19T02:38:24+00:00

No reason.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2021-09-19T03:32:23+00:00

Not worth it in the West. Hell, not in the East either.

Girl_Dad42 · 2021-09-19T13:14:30+00:00

About to finish up my divorce and I will say at this moment……NO!!

nowwhatsit · 2021-09-23T18:41:47+00:00

Not right now. I don’t know if that will ever change. If I ever considered it, an airtight prenup is mandatory.

CityDiscombobulated8 · 2021-09-24T16:19:42+00:00

I believe marriage could be worth getting into again, but I’m not willing to take that chance.

Fool me once…

RedPillLense · 2021-10-09T20:19:07+00:00

HELL TO THE NO!!!!! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER AGAIN!

The current laws in the family court industrial complex are completely biased against men. Women are incentivized in divorce, while men get the meat-grinder. I was married 15 years. I was a devoted husband and father. She gets bored and tells me "I'm not happy", I knew it was over. We share four children, our youngest had just turned 2. She didn't process or care how my children would be affected. She didn't care how much we built in those 15 years. All she cared about was being out there back in the streets. In court, I completely lost custody of my kids, ordered to pay child support through the nose and almost had to pay her legal Bill's too. Feminism and the attention on social media for women is ruining families.

Winter-Purple155 · 2021-10-11T16:39:16+00:00

Nope. I no longer see the point. If you want to be with someone, be with them.

Title	Is marriage worth it?
Author	Single_Dads
Upvotes	44
Comments	141
Date	September 18, 2021 1:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pqm835/is_marriage_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-marriage-worth-it.1075760 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075760