Leave kids behind

soph_a_loaf_ · 2021-05-13T12:02:20+00:00

My situation is a little different in the sense I'm guessing you weren't 43 when you had your son.

Wife had cheated and we became pregnant during reconciliation. We tested he's my son. Around his 8 month mark after his birth she was completely disrespecting me in front of him and showing the same behaviors as when she cheated. Something just clicked with me. It's weird that we'll do for others what we can't for ourselves. I told her flat out that she would never disrespect me in front of him ever again. Being the covert narcissist she is.....instead of apologizing and trying to understand where I was coming from she immediately pushed back that the arrogant selfish snake she is.

This was 2 years ago. I moved out of our bedroom into the spare and the next week I told her I wanted a divorce. She almost seemed pleased with the news.

Over the next 20 months she would do things like try to place him in a daycare as a newborn\infant when I was a stay at home dad already watching him.

My son is on a pretty regular 7\8pm bed schedule and she would keep him out till 12 or 1am at her boyfriends house.

She tried everything she could to separate me from him. Including filing a restraining order. In 20 years never had any incidents or violence. I guess this her lawyers plan to try and get me out of the house. Did I tell you I was a stay at home father?

It wasn't that I didn't have my moments and want to just up and leave but there was no way in hell I was going to abandon my son and leave him with this crazy woman. I had a good support group and family that helped me weather the storms.

My advice would be to you.....this is only a season and yes you can bet your ass it's going to be hard. But fight for your son with everything you got. Boys today need to see men not giving up or in. That's what she wants you to do. Don't make this easy for her. Fight with all you have. There are so many success stories I read about consistent men fighting for their children. They walked through absolute hell but in the end it worked out.

And so it did for me. 50\50 and my son adores me. He's almost 3 now.

Hang in there man.....you can do this. Your son needs a strong father fighting for him.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-05-13T12:09:02+00:00

WTFU! You are separating from your wife, not your children. Here is how your son is counting on you:

• 63 percent of youth suicides take place in fatherless homes, 5 times the average.

• 90 percent of all homeless youth and runaways are from fatherless homes, which is a whopping 32 times the national average.

• 85 percent of all children with behavior issues come from fatherless homes, 20 times the national average.

• 80 percent of rapists with established anger issues come from fatherless homes, 14 times the national average.

• 71 percent of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes, nine times the national average.

• 70 percent of those in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes, nine times the national average.

• 85 percent of all juveniles in prison come from single-parent households, 20 times the national average.

• 90 percent of adolescent repeat arson offenders are from fatherless homes.

• Fatherless children are nearly twice as likely to be victims of abuse or neglect.

• Children who live in a fatherless home are 279% more likely to deal drugs or carry firearms for offensive purposes compared to children who live with their fathers.

• 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.

• 85% of youth who are currently in prison grew up in a fatherless home.

• Children without a father are 4 times more likely to be living in poverty than children with a father.

So get your shit together and fight for your son. Because no one else will.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-05-13T10:41:38+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. My soon to be ex wife had an affair. We verbally agreed to everything needed for a peaceful divorce. Then when she had the papers drawn up, she had changed a ton of the agreements.

I hate where I live. I can't stand this part of the country. I work remote and have unlimited time off.

I love my 15 year old, and am staying here because of the kid, but I think it might kill me.

Do what you have to do, just mitigate the regrets you might have in the future.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2021-05-13T15:03:05+00:00

Why would you let a psychotic bitch have %100 influence over your son.

You should get full custody how old is he after a certain age I think they can choose.

Awakeningof17 · 2021-05-13T15:02:58+00:00

Dude, your kids need you now more than ever. My ex narcissist piece of sht wife is always using my kids as pawns as she knows that's they only way she can try to recreate the control she used to have over me. But guess what, I've showed my kids how fckin awesome I am now I've escaped her clutches and my time spent with them is amazing. I've remained single over 2 years now and life is great without some harpy making my life a living hell. I pick up chicks if/when I want and leave it at that. My kids get the best of me. So, lawyer up, work on yourself, don't rise to her bait, hit the gym hard, eat clean and fight for 50/50 custody of those innocent angels caught up in your ex slts bullsht!

patently_pleasant · 2021-05-13T15:16:22+00:00

Your kids are worth going to war for. Period. There should be no greater possession in your life as a parent. You can walk away from this and find someone else to confide in. They cannot! Divorce is life changing for kids. Don’t make this a million times worse by having them lose their father. Lawyer up and get custody

TokyoGodzilla · 2021-05-13T17:13:21+00:00

I wouldn't leave the kid. Do the right thing and stick around for him. Raising him properly and being a rock for him will be your biggest contribution in life.

sexytimeinseattle · 2021-05-13T17:40:54+00:00

My Dad left me (and my sister) behind. We had contact, and he paid some support, but he was two states away. We visited him during the summer, some, but not even for full summers.

It left me emotionally broken in ways that I couldn't comprehend at 14, and wound up causing me to get married to the first person that showed me attention, as we locked ourselves into a co-dependent suicide pact.

And now 25 years later I'm finally divorcing her, and it's financially ruining me.

Your kid needs their dad, and you need to break the cycle. Lawyer up.

Mindless-Self · 2021-05-13T15:43:29+00:00

My dad left when I was a kid. I went through life without a father. He died alone, never having met me beyond being a baby. Is that the life you want to lead because your wife cheated?

This moment means you step up, not run away.

o_p_d · 2021-05-13T17:06:18+00:00

Whether you regret it is an incredibly selfish question. That shouldn’t even be in the top 20 questions. Your son should be what you make decisions based on. How could you think to leave him with a crazy (your words) person?

playerknowmore · 2021-05-13T17:08:26+00:00

This should never be an option. She monkey branched, and now wants to replace you totally. If you allow this her AP will be Daddy; she will spin your lack of fight into lack of love. Do you want your Ex to have until your child is eighteen to gaslighting them against you.

You will have a reckoning with your child in the future you at least want to show you fought for her. Keep all the evidence of the affair, and receipts for every dime you spend on your child. If she asks for twenty dollars for your sons play make sure it can be accounted for.

You can put silly unenforceable things in your divorce, and if she is has her cougar cut your child out of your life; fight back. File a motion that says your child can never call the AP or any other man DAD! Your argument is your child has your DNA; you are financially responsible for your son, and unless any of this changes you will be your sons only dad.

Her lawyer will know this is frivolous and probably have no objections to it, but your Ex will probably go apeshit; because it interferes with her plan to replace you.

Dude, AP took your wife if you let him take you son too; I don't see how you can live with yourself. Oh you can also ask your lawyer to ask for grandparents rights for your parents.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-05-13T20:36:05+00:00

Because infidelity is involved. Take a paternity test

getridofit888 · 2021-05-13T12:00:38+00:00

Don't let strangers tell you how to pick your poison. When you're old are you going to miss your freedom or your kids?

sofla_traveler · 2021-05-13T12:11:23+00:00

Shit man I would go to all out war over my kids, not a chance I'd leave them behind. There are ways to manage parenting between you with little to no interaction. The court can even mandate that she not contact you. Sorry you are having to deal with this, keep your head up and don't let her ruin the relationship you could have with your kids.

syro23 · 2021-05-13T14:50:07+00:00

I would get a paternity test.

If he is your kid you don't leave him behind like a coward, you man up and deal with your crazy ex.

jalopkoala · 2021-05-13T18:56:46+00:00

It’s sucks to spend money on “nothing but lawyers”… but a good lawyer who understands what your really want out the whole thing can put the kibosh on her trying to one-up you. Lawyers know what is or isn’t allowed.

And in my divorce, I ultimately was so THANKFUL my ex-wife had a lawyer because her lawyer was a sane person in her corner. Without her lawyer my wife would have done much more dangerous and bonkers things.

Also, not my favorite and not what I would have chosen, but ex insists on “parallel parenting”. Google it. It is a coparenting strategy for high conflict divorce.

throwingit_all_away · 2021-05-13T19:56:25+00:00

Weather the storm. You are going to have to anyway. Focus on the one thing that is important to you. Everything else is noise. Do not let the court or anyone associated with your case ever see you waver from talking care of your children.

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2021-05-13T20:18:53+00:00

Sounds like you already know what to do, but you should know that a lot of men have this thought, and I've even listened to speeches and life stories and testimonials of people leaving their kids behind and letting "God take control". Your feelings are valid, but your actions would not be.

Ancient-Length8844 · 2021-05-13T20:49:52+00:00

I think it just be easier for her to have control over my daughter, but I'd know she'd fuck her up like how she's fucked up. She will not go through that. So, I'm stuck in this hot fucking part of the country raising her. Which is fine. I don't care about me. I just have to deal with this crazy fucking ex-wife for the rest of my life now. terrific. But at least I get my freedom now, and I'm not being told I'm the worst piece of shit in the world every night. Only when I talk to her. I've lost so much weight now.

ZilaZobens · 2021-05-14T06:57:10+00:00

Narcissists don't change and she sounds like one. At least have good times with your son and be there so he won't either become a narcissist or attract them, continuing the cycle. Otherwise there will only ever be the hurt that she is inflicting on you now and nothing else good. If you can have therapy, do that if you aren't. The damage of personality-disordered people goes deep. They wreck your self-esteem.

Title	Leave kids behind
Author	bladefish1
Upvotes	25
Comments	51
Date	May 13, 2021 10:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/nbdm05/leave_kids_behind/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/leave-kids-behind.817023 https://theredarchive.com/post/817023