Maintain familial home during parenting time?

derelictherds · 2022-12-19T19:57:36+00:00

This is sometimes called "birdnesting" and in most cases is a terrible idea for (what should be) obvious reasons. You mentioned nothing about your relationship with your stbx. A living arrangement like you described simply will not work unless you and your stbx happen get along perfectly and are on the same page (emotionally) about the divorce. Even then shit could get dicey once either or both of you start dating again. IMO you should rip the band aid off and move on with life. Why not just sell the house and be done with it? Your kids will be OK as long you(and your stbx) are supportive and involved in their lives.

dragonfly323 · 2022-12-19T20:59:36+00:00

As soon as one of you start dating it will turn into a disaster. I had to live with my ex while going through a divorce and she was dating the whole time and it was hell.

RippedOffFather · 2022-12-19T19:34:50+00:00

No. End contact with her outside of what’s court ordered. Don’t deal with her outside of what’s court ordered.

RideATX · 2022-12-19T21:47:22+00:00

It's called nesting, it's a thing that some people can do successfully but they are pretty rare. The general consensus is unless you are both extremely mature and have a near perfect co-parenting relationship then it won't work out for you. I believe Adam Carolla and his ex-wife do it for their HS age kids, but they're multi-millionaires with a nanny for teenage kids and house keepers. The question you have to ask yourself is are you okay with constantly cleaning up after her forever? Are you okay with your stuff being rearranged every time you go to your other house? Are you okay with hot bunking in the same sheets she's using to get cracked open and cleaned out by randos?

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-12-19T19:42:59+00:00

I considered this during my divorce. In the end it was a bad idea and I didn't go through with it. She'll be putting secret cameras in there and spying on you.

SaulBrewster · 2022-12-19T21:40:42+00:00

Nesting has pros and cons, but is generally considered a short term (6 months ish) option to help smooth the transition

CRobinsFly · 2022-12-19T22:18:52+00:00

CGA actually says this method is likely the best for children but one or both of the parents will reject this method in the long term because it it is too stressful. "instead of making the children live out of backpacks, the parents do... that wont work for long"

playerknowmore · 2022-12-20T01:03:56+00:00

This sounds like her idea. The only reason divorce men agree with her idea is that he still carries a tourch. Don't wait until her parenting time comes with a plus one.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-20T12:10:44+00:00

It's called bird nesting or nesting for short.

‪It can seem good for kids on paper but the adults don't think of things in advance that could make it hell for kids. ‬‬‬ ‪Its the crap of living together without seeing the person - that's all‬. It all sounds innocent and sweet until the mother finds the first pair of not-her-panties.‬

You haven't thought this through:

Who pays for the groceries?

Who pays for house maintenance?

Who changes the sheets with the wet spot?

Who chooses the new couch?

Who mows the lawn?

Who pays the house taxes?

Do you have your things locked up so she can't rifle through them?

If your house burns down, does the insurance company replace everyone's stuff, because mine would not. It's a logistical nightmare.

Nesting requires such a degree of cooperation between the parties that one questions why the need for a divorce. It's definitely not a long term solution. Maybe a matter of months, at best.‬‬

The principle assumption behind nesting is that children are fragile or weak and can't handle transition. That assumption is false. ‬‬ Kids are resilient. The most important thing is to minimize conflict, which will not happen in a long term nesting situation.‬‬ Nesting is a recipe for conflict.

You don't yet understand the mental toll divorce will have on you, whether contentious or simple, whether you wanted it or not.‬‬ Your conscious and subconscious are impacted no matter what you think now.‬‬ Agreeing to this entanglement delays your mental reboot. There is almost literally no different between what you're suggesting and marriage.‬‬ ‪Moving on is nearly impossible with what you're suggesting.‬‬‬

The logic is seriously flawed. If the parents had that high a level of co-parenting functioning they would probably have not divorced. Call it what it is: procrastination. There is a reason that courts don't order nesting -- it's a fantasy and does not work in reality.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-12-20T15:19:15+00:00

This is called 'nesting' or 'bird nesting.'

If my ex and I could have gotten along well enough to even do that, I wouldn't have divorced her crazy ass in the first place.

Title	Maintain familial home during parenting time?
Author	PoppinPMAGs
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	December 19, 2022 7:29 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zq122p/maintain_familial_home_during_parenting_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/maintain-familial-home-during-parenting-time.1143316 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143316