So this might be a long post. The reason I am posting it is to tell you about my journey and the road to redemption, and to help others that are in a REALLY DARK & HORRIBLE place. Read on & you will see.

So after 13 years of marriage, my wife unexpectedly told me back in January that she was no longer happy, hasnt been in a long time, no longer loves me, and was going to file for divorce. Sure we had our issues, but I was completely shocked. She then ran off with the kids to her parents for 6 weeks leaving me alone with my despair. Within 4 weeks of this happening, my mother unexpectedly died, my father had an emergency quadruple bypass and was in critical condition, and my Uncle whom I am close with died of Lung Cancer. Additionally I broke my knuckle on my dominant hand and was starting to have performance issues at work because I was so distracted by everything.

February 2021 was easily the darkest point in my life. I never had psychiatric issues before, but I was crying non-stop, couldnt regulate my mood, and was seriously thinking about both killing myself and/or checking myself into a psychiatric hospital.

  1. I got onto Medication. Funny they say anti-depressants take 4-6 weeks before they kick in. Mine kicked in within 2 hours. I work in the Mental Health field. I chose WELLBUTRIN because it DOES NOT "numb you out", cause weight gain, or sexual performance issues. I have found the medication to be INVALUABLE and allowed me some needed relief to both regulate my mood & the tidal wave of sadness and despair. If you are too proud or "too strong" to take meds, you are doing yourself a great dis-service.
  2. I got into Therapy. Just as important as the medication, if not more important is getting into therapy. The feelings of anger, hopelessness, helplessness and despair will come out, as well as so many other emotions. If not for my therapist I am afraid I would still be in that dark, lonely pit just drowning in my own misery. GET INTO THERAPY!!! I cant stress this enough.......
  3. Go out & socialize - DO NOT BE ALONE!!! My therapist calls it "Adopting a Single Lifestyle." I have joined dozens of different groups on Meetup.com, which include groups focused on walking, hiking, karaoke, friends, biking, dating (we will get to that), etc. Whatever your interest may be, but DO NOT ISOLATE. Be Around People!!! Additionally, I have joined Face Book groups geared to Singles. These singles groups are not just about finding dates. It is about people who are single doing things together. We go to restaurants, activities, exercise, etc. Included in this is also getting hobbies you can do on your own.
  4. Go get some female attention - Men, you have NO IDEA how amazing it is to feel wanted again and to have female attention. After begging my wife for years to sleep with me (I was lucky if I got 5 minutes of sex 2x a year), women in their 40s and 50s are MUCH MORE comfortable with their sexuality. They are much more direct, open and honest about most things, including sex. Additionally if you are semi in-shape and a semi-normal dude, you are in high demand. As 1 woman told me, "You have a stable job, you have a drivers license, you own a car, you are in good shape. You are a freaking catch...." I always considered myself a "7", in this new world order I am now a "9".
  5. Get into shape - I lost 65 lbs 3 years ago doing INTERMITTENT FASTING (Google "The 5:2 Diet" ) and I have easily kept it off. I loved doing it and miss it actually. I cant stress this enough. LOSE THE WEIGHT. Your self-esteem will be better, you will physically feel better, you will get more female attention. Why wouldnt you do this?
  6. Go have sex but dont get into a relationship- Now I know I am going to get some flack for this. First off, I am too angry, too vulnerable, too messed up to have a relationship at this point. By the same token, I LIKE SEX! I have found at my age (50) just being honest and upfront, one can find a nice situation where needs are getting met. I found a beautiful 42 year old woman. She has a lot of stressors going on and she has no time to date. We talk on the phone everyday, we laugh and we are a great support for each other. We also have mind blowing sex. We are both VERY upfront and honest about what is going on and neither of us lie to get what they want. Neither of us is sleeping with other people (though we both have the option to if we want.) She is a good friend with benefits.
  7. Go get supports - I can not overstate how important it is to get supports. To talk to friends, to be around people, to realize you arent alone. Women naturally have a lot more friends and supports then us men. Get comfortable talking about your feelings and get the supports you need.

Anyway, I am approaching my 6 month anniversary since "the anvil" was dropped on me. I still have my bad days and I am going through a messy divorce. At the end of the day though, I know THE NEXT CHAPTER is waiting to be written and I know the future is bright. I am researching towns/places that i want to live (I found an apartment complex 5 minutes from a national park, the beach, and a hopping divorcee singles scene.) Simply put, I know I WILL SURVIVE.... Better.... Stronger.... Happier..... Dont lose hope my brethren. You will see... The light at the end of the tunnel is bright. EMBRACE THE SUCK and KEEP ON, KEEPING ON!!! Believe in yourself and realize even if you dont see the answer or path forward, just keep on moving and you will find it.

If you want to discuss any of the above privately, feel free to message me.