Because I hated mine. And they hated theirs.

You can check my post history for the long story, but story short is I'm getting divorced, at her request, not mine, and she is moving back to Norway with my kids permanently, and I've agreed to it, legally on paper as well, unwillingly.

I am spending every day trying to get on with my life, my new truck driving career, but every now and then I remember what's happening in my life and what's happening in my kids lives.

One day they're going to resent or hate me for whatever my STBX tells them, or for letting them go to Norway and not growing up in the UK with me around as well on weekends or on holidays, time off school etc.

One day they're gonna be older and when I try to parent them over the phone, they're going to tell me to STFU, that they have a dad (whatever simp she managed to get), and that I'm all the way over in another country, and that their lives are none of my business.

And when I get these thoughts I wonder if ghosting her and them, moving to somewhere far away where they can't find me, will make it easier for myself and them. Them because they're young, she will get some other guy that she prefers, and will be easy to tell the kids that dad was a horrible person and left them.

I don't understand how I can carry on living like this with all this depression, suicidal thoughts, because of what she is doing and her decision to completely kick me to the side and remove me from the family, and to take the kids to a place I don't want to live. I tried living there before for 11 months and I hated it. No offense to Norwegians as a society/nationality/character but your country is just shit.

Roads are shit. Extortionate cost of living, extortionate tax rates, shit food, even more surveillance than the UK, you need a bank account and bank ID to do anything such as getting a phone, phone number, car, change your name, change your address, I bet if I looked hard enough I could find a fucking public toilet that asks you for bank ID and your social security number before you can take shit.

And all these thoughts all circle back to my own childhood. Ok fine my parents didn't divorce, my parents didn't separate how I live with them as I grew up, but they did plenty of other abusive shitty things with each other and against me, so I hated them. I still to some extent resent them even now as a 35 year old. That shit never leaves you. What you experience growing up stays with you for life.

And I don't even blame them that much. Because humans are just shit, a flawed and selfish species. It's no point telling yourself "I'm gonna be the best parent in the world and make sure my kids don't hate me like I hate my parents". Bullshit. You are incapable on a biological level, to not fuck up on something, and that's just a fact of life.

So I dunno really. Only place I can really go to is Cyprus. That's where I grew up and I have citizenship there. I'm born to an Englishman and a Greek Cypriot woman, and was born in UK and lived here now for more than half my life. Maybe it's time to just forget all of this and them and bugger off to the sunny beach and do what my dad did and drunk drive in fast sports cars. With enough luck I might crash.