The most common mistake we make is holding out hope for some amicable resolution when the only way to keep it "amicable" is to surrender to each and every one of her demands. Then when it falls apart, we're left holding our unit in our hand wondering what happened. If you want peace, you need to demonstrate there is a cost for her not seeking peace. Challenge early and often. For every give, there must be a take.

Divorce is a zero sum game. Every minute you have with your kids is a minute she doesn't. Every dollar you get is one that she doesn't. The only way to work to create value together is to save on legal fees! And that's not creating value, that's destroying less value than you would otherwise.

Zero sum games are played differently than other games. Weakness, generosity, placating, appeasement, giving in, giving up, keeping the peace at all costs, and all the other tactics we have trained ourselves to use when there was a partnership worth salvaging DO NOT WORK. All you do is cede ground that can never be regained. And showing weakness only encourages more aggression. Be firm. Be civil. Be unshakeable. Start at unreasonable and make HER ASK YOU to be reasonable.

Know what she wants. Know what you want. Know your finances. Know your legal position. Gather bargaining chips. Get all of this done before you begin to negotiate.

Wear the amicable mask. But draw serious lines early and challenge over reaching to see her reaction.

If you try to be the person you were during the marriage during the divorce, you will lose more than you imagined.