Separated

cschoonmaker · 2021-05-09T03:19:36+00:00

Not sure where you are but in most states they are “no fault” divorce states and those pictures would mean nothing. The fact that you and she are no longer together, even though not legally divorced, makes them even more worthless. On the other hand, your stbx accessing your home security system without your permission and attempting to blackmail you are quite illegal, at least here. I’d make sure MY attorney knows what has happened and encourage him to take the appropriate legal steps, up to and including filing a police report and possibly having her arrested. But that’s just me.

Bencil_McPrush · 2021-05-09T04:25:46+00:00

Document these threats and bring them to the authorities, blackmail IS a crime and so is revenge porn.

If you can prove she's the one issuing these threats, she may have actually helped you with custody by shooting herself on the foot.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-05-09T05:09:03+00:00

Uh. Blackmail, accessing secured electronics without authorization and revenge porn are illegal. Tell your lawyer and then call the cops.

CropCircle77 · 2021-05-09T08:08:04+00:00

I wonder about the legality of her getting acess to the security cameras in your home without you granting it.

sicrm · 2021-05-09T04:36:44+00:00

focus on the blackmail for now. I saw your comment they said you got it via text. send that right to your lawyer.

then you can worry about how she got your password.

akihonj · 2021-05-09T07:45:49+00:00

Ok so play her at her own game. You're separated to divorce. Most courts wouldn't even consider that infidelity because she was cheating first chasing the divorce.

So take the screenshots yourself and discuss it with your lawyer and make sure you get a recording of her making those threats.

The reason I'm saying this is because she's blackmailing you and courts take a very dim view of that behaviour.

However if you discuss it with your lawyer, they have the chance to form a defense. My argument would be that she cheated causing the breakdown of the marriage, you now being separated and knowing that there was zero chance for your marriage to be fixed and in the process of divorce have every right to move forward with your life.

What does this mean, well as for her considering it cheating, did she consider it to be cheating when she was actually cheating or was that just something you do.

She actually doesn't really have a let to stand on, so as soon as you can contact your lawyer and be open with them about it. Let them crucify her in front of the court about her cheating.

Pirateisme001 · 2021-05-09T15:04:54+00:00

If your legally seperated you can date. My lawyer advised me not to date but said technically I could date without consequences during the seperation. She is in the wrong by stealing your cam footage and blackmailing you. I wouldn't worry about it. Stay strong and know that this will be over eventually and you are better off. My ex mentally and verbally abused me for years, take care of yourself via therapy or group meetings. I have learned to take care of myself first and making myself a better and whole person before dating. Dating to soon can result in a bad situation for both parties..

HelixFish · 2021-05-09T16:29:39+00:00

What a present. Save and copy all the blackmail messages. Check with your attorney first but then go to the cops and file a report. That kinda shit is felony type illegal. You just won your divorce.

brownsound2019 · 2021-05-09T17:59:49+00:00

If the camera is in your house, and she doesn't live there. She has actually broken the law by hacking into your camera.

bjhoc11 · 2021-05-09T20:13:59+00:00

This is more common than you think!

A cheating spouse, particularly a cheating wife, wants something “bad” to happen with the husband, particularly if you have kids together.

It seems that they want to save face and avoid social judgement; that includes judgement from friends, colleagues, family, and the kids too.

After they’ve started sleeping around, they don’t respect you (duh). There may even be a bit of self-loathing on their part. The gaslighting will start shortly thereafter. They’ll try to set you up for failure, and they start deliberately sabotaging your lives and home.

It’s likely they’ll start to setup/arrange/plan their exit, if they haven’t already. They want to make sure they’re ready to swing to the next branch, whether it’s with the affair partner or another interest. If you’re ready to break things off more quickly than they’re prepared die or if their post-divorce plans fall apart, they’ll delay by “trying” to work it out with you.

Focus on you and your kids. Your relationship with your kids will likely improve, particularly because they won’t see their mom disrespecting you to your face and she’ll have fewer opportunities to sabotage the family/home from the inside.

She’ll find a guy with superhero/savior complex. He’ll think he’s the hero/savior to her; and here’s the key — embrace it!

It’s likely the new beau will see himself as the hero. Since she’s sold him a false narrative, she’s less likely to have some continuous carousel of men she’s dating come around your kids... and that puts her potentially in a position to have to re-tell her little narrative each time which should be at least moderately painful, even for a narc.

Furthermore, since you’ll have a contrary story (and likely evidence), she’ll stay at arms-length from your life... which should be a benefit, even if you do have kids together.

Even if the guy badmouths you, it’s far better than a rotating door of men using your ex and making your kids see her like that.

Your position as the bad guy will help keep the guy and your ex-wife unified against you... which is truly for the best, and it may give them the lasting power to provide stability for your kids on the other side of the equation.

I wrote more than I’d planned, but just you watch and see! Embrace it... there will be a lot of good that will come out of it! Stay strong! ✊🏼

Reasonable-Search-38 · 2021-05-10T19:41:09+00:00

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Title	Separated
Author	Anaconda1983
Upvotes	19
Comments	20
Date	May 9, 2021 3:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/n853fu/separated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separated.817061 https://theredarchive.com/post/817061