Shortcut to healing | Divorce

A good friend of mine told me long ago...honesty is the best policy......he was referring to our job....but it translates across the board.

Just be fucking honest with yourself. Look in the mirror and reflect back on everything. Yes it will be painful at first.....but you'll learn to accept yourself. The good and the bad......the stuff you need to work on and the stuff you just accept.

Fellas there is no shortcut in healing. No magic pill......but if you will be truthful with yourself....I promise you that you will heal.

Far too many men are miserable.......they distract with sex, drugs, or alcohol. All of this is a temp fix.

I have a buddy who has been divorced and been sleeping around for about 2 years now. He's empty though successful at getting laid. Why? Because he just won't be honest with himself. And in that honesty.....set goals and take the slow approach to healing.

Anything that is worth keeping doesn't come easy.

Hang in there men......it does get better. You just gotta be honest with yourself.

[–]knowbodynows 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]oli_21_[S] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That's entirely up to you. For me....I wanted to get in shape and not in the divorce man type way. I wanted to do it the right way by eating healthy and taking my time. I also wanted to heal correctly......and you asked about time frame....this December will be 7 years since I found out she cheated on me. And I'm just now starting to feel like I've reached a couple of these goals.

I have a good friend.....and we've processed so many things that have helped me see what I like and don't about myself. I now look in the mirror and really like the guy who is looking back. I know him. I know all about him. I know that he's not going to settle for second best in anything in life. I also know he's going to give his best for himself and his son.

As a young man I can't say I knew who he was......I'd look in the mirror and truly wonder who was staring back. I now know.

Just know it's a process.....it takes time. Think of it like a broken leg.....no matter how much you want to run.....until you heal and rehab correctly....you won't be able to run. However, if you do it right the leg will be stronger than ever before.

The secret that I've learned is that you just need to make progress. Slowly but surely. This is a game of inches.....and many days it feels like we aren't making any progress at all.

Feel free to comment and ask questions on this sub. Ignore the trolls......this place has a lot of wisdom and advice.

All the best to you!

[–]ThrowAwayAccount__0 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I found doing all the small things I used to do helped. Walks in the park and woods. I started working out again. I got into gardening and would just talk to the workers at the local gardening centers and plant nurseries just because I had nothing else to do.

You get your time back, so you're able to not have to use it in such a structured, pressured way. Don't get me wrong, spending it with someone you like is great, but once you force yourself out of the house on a Saturday and Sunday morning everything just seems so peaceful.

One of my goals was to also spend time learning about relationships, so I read a few therapy and self help books for men. They're really informative and give you insight on problems that can occur and how to identify what they are.

I decorated an apartment for the first time.

It really fucking sucks though for the longest but those pockets of happiness start to become more apparent and last longer. Pretty soon it's inversed from the beginning: you'll go 2-3 days happy as shit and then have a memory or ping of sadness. You process it then move on.

[–]medi3val6 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Shortcut to healing
Author	oli_21_
Upvotes	13
Comments	4
Date	June 27, 2021 8:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/o95b5d/shortcut_to_healing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shortcut-to-healing.816624 https://theredarchive.com/post/816624