The shit just sneaks up on you - passed "our" restaurant this morning ...

Gattsama · 2022-02-11T03:23:19+00:00

I just got hit with a wave of guilt today too. Separated and filed 2/1. Just felt this huge wave of guilt, that I'm making a mistake. I am quiting / failing my marriage. I shouldn't give up, I should call her and try to work things out. Couldn't sleep and felt like crap.

Guess that's how it's going to be. Sleep has been really messed up lately too. Wishing us all the best in finding the peace we need and deserve. And by deserve, I am taking thr steps to create it 👍

Stay safe out there

defectivechive · 2022-02-11T05:22:27+00:00

My ex and I have the same size feet, so we shared socks. When I left I didn't pack any so had to go buy some socks. I know its a very small detail but I still got choked up in the store when I realised that these were going to be my socks and she will never wear them.

Grey_Bear_40 · 2022-02-11T02:33:01+00:00

I relocated. It was the best thing I did.

hubbyouttahere · 2022-02-11T02:18:00+00:00

Agree. I remember when first separated from my STBX walking past areas that were “family” spaces and the wave of emotions that came.

It was also crazy how I felt guilty - even though we aren’t technically married any more (still in court for custody/assets/alimony), and I’m the one that filed - being on a date near where my ex and I used to go.

Hang in there - it will get better.

thefudmaster · 2022-02-11T04:06:49+00:00

I recently drove by the first restaurant I ever took my ex wife to on a date in college. However, that Italian restaurant had been torn down.

TrollCityBlunder · 2022-02-11T02:26:46+00:00

Relocate if you can bro.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2022-02-11T02:22:33+00:00

Grab your balls. It's hard when you loved her. But, remember that she doesn't want you anymore. She's probably getting banged by someone else right now.

It took me some time to get over the emotions. But, you have to do it. Imagine what your life will be in 2 years. You'll have a new chick if you want. Just don't marry her. Don't give her the power over you.

HaloJonez · 2022-02-11T08:01:30+00:00

The guilt is a real gut punch. It what’s kept me in this marriage longer than I should have been. Together 16 years, married 12. Two daughters 9 and 5 and I’m relocating so that they won’t be used as a way to continue to mindf**k me as much. They will stay with me during holidays. There’s no easy here and a large part of me is actually grateful that it hurts so much because I tells me that I’m not the man my STBXW has treated my like after what she did 5 years ago. Hold tight out there.

Jbr74 · 2022-02-11T14:10:38+00:00

That kind of stuff really hit me hard for about 6 months. (Super hard)

It sucks, the good thing is it goes away.

It does help to relocate though, because even though it went away when it was happening it hurt and made me miserable. My separation day just passed 3 years a couple of days ago and last summer I went by our old house, and really didn't feel anything negative.

Might also help that I still loathe my ex to this day for the crap she did to my family and me. So I don't miss her even 0.000000001%, I'm rejoiceful she is out of my life. For a while when I was "hung up" on her it was excruciatingly painful (2 months), I couldn't even watch some TV shows.

derelictherds · 2022-02-11T18:27:54+00:00

Claim it as your own if you enjoy the restaurant. This worked for me.

thiefzer0 · 2022-02-13T02:12:43+00:00

Yeah man. I've been doing awesome for 2 wks, not bothered by any of it. Then she calls to speak to my daughter tonight which I allowed. She's all done up, same as the last EoW I had. Little cleavage showing too. I know it has nothing to do with me but damned if jealousy and anger didn't flare up inside. And pain, which is where the anger comes from.

Sucks bro, I feel ya. Just hang in there she'll be forgotten by morning.

black65Cutlass · 2022-02-15T17:17:37+00:00

The other day I was driving and saw that the restaurant that we always went to for Valentine's day had gone belly up. The sign was off the building and there was a big for sale sign out front. I thought to myself, "how fitting". The weird thing is that the thought had crossed my mind to go there by myself on Valentine's day for dinner, crazy huh? The shit you think of when you are lonely and feeling your divorce.

DeJohn123 · 2022-02-11T13:36:05+00:00

This happened to me a lot until I finally found a house back in my home town (15-20 from her hometown, where we lived). I would drive past restaurants with memories. Street corners where we watched parades with our daughters. The spot where I proposed. Where we had our rehearsal dinner etc etc

It's tough man. I get where you're coming from. Only thing I can recommend is start making new memories with someone else (kids, friend, new SO)

Title	The shit just sneaks up on you - passed "our" restaurant this morning ...
Author	pegleg_legal
Upvotes	26
Comments	26
Date	February 11, 2022 2:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/spnad2/the_shit_just_sneaks_up_on_you_passed_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-shit-just-sneaks-up-on-you-passed-our.1101300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101300