Crosspost "The grass isn’t always greener." from /r/Divorce:

I had it all. On paper I had a marriage that people would dream about. My ex-husband (still feels weird saying that) had his faults, don’t get me wrong. He would prioritize work over our girls and myself. He wanted to give us the world. Which I’m so thankful for because it let stay home with our girls. But. I got lonely. I was tired of always watching tv shows at night by myself. I hated always taking family trips and he was never around. Date nights were basically non existent. We would have the conversation of me saying I was lonely, but I never truly sat him down and said, “if we don’t fix this, I can’t stay here.” He would even ask if things we okay and I would alway say yes. Mistake #1.

In November, I said I wanted out. In my mind, it was the right decision. We had hit a rough patch and I didn’t love him the way I should have. At that time I didn’t see it worth trying to save because I was being blind to my own thoughts. Sure, in a way I thought the grass would be greener. Surely someone out there would love to spend time with me, go out on date nights, etc. in my mind, there wasn’t any option but out. He was willing to do anything to fix us. Mistake #2.

We filed in January and definitely by February I was thinking it wasn’t right. I won’t lie. I tried to talk to other people to help stop the pain of getting divorced. Someone was paying me attention, we know it feels good to be wanted. Chatting with other men was mistake #3.

My ex isn’t one to go back on his decisions. As I was out trying to escape pain and reality by visiting friends and family, he was home heartbroken, but healing. He saw me doing my thing and assumed I was clearly many steps ahead of him. All the while I was just pushing it aside and not healing. I was regretting this decision, again, not sitting down and talking about my feelings. Mistake seven million at this point.

Our divorce was finalized June 8th. Internally I’ve been a disaster. I put a good face on for our girls and nobody had a clue. This past weekend I went and saw my brother. I was telling him all about how I missed him and regretted my decision. “Maybe he would be willing to try again” he would say. Maybe.

A few weeks ago my ex went out on a date. He told me about it as he was nervous leading up to it. Okay, I could handle this, right? Then, I found out that he saw her again. I have been so fucking devastated and angry. Angry at myself for throwing something away. Angry at myself for not trying to fix it. Angry that all the examples I had of love were fucked and nothing is ever like the movies. Last night I poured my heart out as I sobbed. He didn’t seem phased. Told me he was sorry for me. That because I broke his trust there isn’t a “foundation for us to build off of” ever again. He has moved on and I’ve clearly just begun that healing process. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. All I can do is cry and rage and cry again. Without a doubt this is the worst thing I’ve ever gone through.

I know that many on here are here because they were in awful marriages. But if you aren’t and can find a way to make it work, try it. Don’t have regrets. Communicate before it’s too late. You can’t undo the past once the train has left the station.I will always love him. Now I just have to love him with someone else.

Posted by asmansel | 10 August 2022 | Link