I’m just venting. I’ve read it somewhere that women handle divorces better because they generally have better support systems (eg friends, family, etc). It feels true in my case. While we both have our parents, I’m not close with my siblings since we spent most of the time with her side. Once we separated her side doesn’t acknowledge me anymore. Family gatherings on my side are awkward affaires so... As for friends, most of our friends are due to kids school and sports. Again when we separated she got the kids and all of the other parents we used to hang out with. Just today, when I called my kids to say Goodnight I asked what they did today. My daughter said they had the next door neighbors and STBXW’s side over to the house for lunch/dinner. Since I’m staying at my 80+ year old parents place until my apartment becomes available, I’ve been avoiding going out or having people come over so not to get them sick with coved-19. Even if I could invite people over, I’m at a loss of who to invite. My coworkers don’t like to socialize outside of work, most of guys I used to hang out with are married and went to Team STBXW along with their wives, and good friends from pre marriage era live in other time zones. It’s been tough. I can only hope that a vaccine comes out soon so I can go back out and make new friends.
[+]ciscokid123451 points [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
This is true. However, it's our own damn fault...
Men love more heroically than women. Hense we are more willing to sacrifice our own needs for them. Work 12 hours a day so they can be well kept and fed? yup. Stop hanging out with the boys because you're married now? yup. Not making plans on the weekend because it's family time? sure.
Look where this got you. Now you are alone with no tribe to support you while she's in your house with all your friends. Soon she will be planning parties to show off her new amazing boyfriend. He's just like you only he's not an asshole!
Control the narrative in your head - What you tell yourself becomes your reality. Stop telling yourself that you are a victim. This is an opportunity to grow.
This is hard because a man's identity is tied to things he's built and made. A wife and family are part of this identity so losing it is like a part of you dying. The anxiety and depression are real and need to be taking seriously. What worked for me was this:
Don't forget to have fun! The memories and feelings from a decade with someone will be with you for a long time. You've lost your best friend. While you were busy earning money and raising a family, she kept a nice supportive social structure. What a rip off right? well, now you will need to recreate your identity. Who were you before? What did that guy like to do? Find new friends. Throw yourself into your hobbies. Women want a man who can keep himself occupied. Women avoid neediness like the plague.
Give yourself some time to grieve - Divorce is harder than death. With death, it's one and done. Its reality and you deal with it. Divorce is a slow-motion train wreck. The woman you loved is dead and gone but is still showing up to your new apartment with her boyfriend driving your Mercedes.
Life gets easier. Life gets better.
Keep your head up. Cheers!
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[+]ciscokid123451 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
When I got into my new apartment it was a big boost in morale. I was able to decorate it how I wanted it. Hang my guitars on the walls.
keep fighting the good fight! things will get better. In a few months you will be like oh she’s really not that pretty. A few months after that you’ll be thinking about some other girl.
Time takes time
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[+]ciscokid123451 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
She probably is having fun (probably with your money!) and you most certainly are stuck. It is normal and ok to be ANGRY, ANXIOUS, SAD, DEPRESSED, SLEEPLESS, RESTLESS, HOPELESS and BITTER.
You are a lazy sack of shit right now and what are you going to do about it?
Use your anger to get cut. Start lifting anything heavy you can find.
Use the depressions to lose weight. I dropped 30 lbs while being too depressed to eat.
Use the anxiety to drive you to get more security. Get a better job. Cut your bills.
Use your sadness to look for happiness within. You thought a woman made you happy? Really though? Mine was a fucking nightmare bitch for years, I just didn't realize it.
Use your restlessness to learn new hobbies. Start to iron your clothes. Clean your car.
Use your bitterness to teach you. Forgive? Maybe someday... Forget? Never!
Now the sleeplessness... that shit just sucks. I'm not gonna lie it was the worst part. 3AM stuck in my head night after night. Take some Benedryl if you must.
Why are you on Reddit right now? Put your shoes on and go for a run. I will too.
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