This is something I am still trying to figure out at 24 because I have yet to see it and I have at the same time but hear me out
whenever I talk to a lot of girls in my community they have this weird look of my face as if they're tired out with the guys they're with and these guys usually fit the bill of the bad guy or bad boy.
the girl I'm dating right now straight up told me she wanted to be with me because I treated her better which is all fine and dandy but it still makes me wonder why do so many girls go after these types of guys specially when the same girl say how horrible or weird or bad these guys are after the fact.
this is also reason why I think a lot of black men fare better with dating because our image in America in the world abroad is that of the rough and tough rebel who rebels against American society and is super tough.
Which believe me I'm a little militant myself but I've never been super mean or aggressive but that's besides the point.
whenever I hear someone say is because bad boys are confident I really think they miss the mark and tend to forget that human beings are predictable and especially given the culture we live in I have become so good at spotting it because I used to be the guy who tried to fake his personality in middle school and it worked
As much as I hate to admit it and has much as I hate that it happened, acting like a wild ignorant stereotype really did fare better in talking to girls and making friends because of as a black man if I talk "well or elegant or smart"it's seen as white which is translated to less masculine and then translates to weakness and then translates to being turned off.
years later around high School I completely make another turn around where I act like myself again and it led to attracting one girl but the only difference I saw was I was much more comfortable with returning to my older personality but something that taught me is that society does want you to conform and sometimes it is better because I remember trying to be the male feminist and trying not to be stereotypical and it ended with a lot of laughter and bullying from both men and women.
But another Revelation came to me as I got older. I'm 6'6 and I make friends with a lot of the sporty types because they think I'm a sporty and sometimes they get jealous of my size. These goods getting really comfortable in front of me but the minute women day fancy or other dudes that they want to be friends with come around they revert to acting like assholes and this was really telling to me because these guys would switch so fast and I honestly felt bad because I understood why.
Right now at this moment it is much better for a man to act like a while ignoramus because most people will see this normal and not see him as weird but it will be better for most men to be themselves but there is a social penalty because not every man and woman is caught up for everything they seem not masculine.
My point is masculinity it's a performance in a lot of girls seem to forget that.
Look at the language behind it. If a dude sleeps with a girl then leaves her, then he played or tricked her as in he was putting on the front or lying. Which is a performance.
I still remember my ex-girlfriend calling me a p**** and weak from simply giggling to talking to friends or even doing anything else she deemed unmasking or weird
And that is really because she wanted me to put on the performance because it wasn't my personality but it's what she perceived to be the right way a man is supposed to be.
It really does a disservice to say that bad boys win more because they're more confident because if that was the case, parents and others would teach there kids to be an equivalentand coming from the hood there is a phenomenon with that yet at the same time it doesn't disservice to all the other dudes who are not bad.
When I see people say confidence I really think they mean a performative definition because the nerdiest nerd in the world is confident in his abilities yet it's still a stereotype that nerds don't do well.
I do believe that confidence is somehow misconstrued with performative masculinity.
and I see it so much all the time even in my adult life with men and surrounding women who witness it.
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