Ex Redpiller here.

Yeah, I'm just coming to terms with how much of a 'sap' I am. I'm not special. I'm struggling to get by on minimum wage like everyone else. Sure I strive for better things everyday but that doesn't make me better than anyone especially a woman.

Now I'm trying to unlearn all the bullshit I read on that subreddit and all the bullshit books I read on seduction. There are some good guys in the community with good advice but they are few and far between and I don't need anymore advice on "how to talk to girls and get there numbers" etc.

Now its time to admit that I want a girlfriend. That I hate casual sex. That I'm not attractive enough to effortlessly attract any girl I want (believe me I used to think I was). Its time to admit that I want fuzzy warm feelings, I want to make romantic gestures, I want to be soft and I want to love someone deeply and profoundly.

I don't meet new girls everyday, but I have to make the effort to. And when I bring up the courage to say hi to you at the club or whatever event we're both attending I have to be honest, open and I can't be putting on a stupid front. I have to admit that it's scary to talk to a girl I fancy and to ask you out on a date, I have to admit that its scary every time and it doesn't really get any easier. I have to admit that I'm going to miss the moment, screw up, act awkwardly, say something stupid, embarrass myself and so on. Because I'm not perfect and there's no way I can be.

All that matters is that I'm trying, and I'm trying because I think I like you. We men are pathetic creatures, and you women laugh about the embarrassing things we do, you talk about it with your friends and so on, but you don't laugh out of spite, you actually find it cute. When I see a "natural charming man" I don't believe that what I'm seeing superficially is a true picture of what's there, behind the curtains that man probably has bigger problems than you know and his effort to look good in public is doing a good job of covering up those issues, but I always remember that they're still there.

It's always better when you admit to how foolish you are, to how you fucked up, to how you are not special. Believing you're special is just a delusion, its a cover up, your faking it till you make it and guess what, your never going to make it so you'll be faking it for the rest of your life.

Whats important is to 'try' as much as possible to be comfortable in the moment with your life, right here right now, and to do things right here right now the way you want to. To wear your heart on your sleeve when you meet people, to take care of your responsibilities in terms of your health and finances and to do the things you truly enjoy and build your own future. Your mental health is not perfect, everyone has tough days, tough mornings, tough afternoons, arguments etc. But you know that that's normal, you know that that's not a defect only you suffer with, its the natural cause of trying to strive through life and make a living.

And that's that.