Hello Folks, I am a 24 year old recovering MGTOWcel/True Forced Loneliness with mild autism still a kissless virgin, I live in the Middle East Lebanon a very traditional conservative society where women suffer but much less than KSA & Iran,I had a rough childhood experiencing heavy bullying resulting in me changing 5 schools and still being severely bullied which also resulted in constant rejection form girls in a humiliating way. In middle school I was obsessed with a girl a year below me, and when the whole school found out about it including her through the bullies , she started avoiding me like the plague and to be honest I blame myself for acting very creepy towards her , it devastated me and becoming a laughing stock in the school by both students and teachers ( the teachers bullies too and very unprofessional). I had fantasies of shooting up the school, but even if I ever had a gun I would never have the nerve to do that, and even my moral values tell me that life is sacred.

Since 2012 at the age of 17 I left Islam to atheism and my political views beame generally more progressive and supported women's rights. In the summer 2015 the garbage crisis broke out coupled with severe power outages and 35 to 42 degree celsius weather ( 95 to 108 Farenehit ), I joined the movement created in response to the garbage crisis and political corruption and befriended the members and activists and met a cute senpai ( girl 3 years older than me) I developed strong feelings towards her, but I was still frustrated that I am virgin and seeing couples being loveydovey/PDA used to make me boil with rage and envy.

After the Trump election I started slowly shifting towards the MRM and anti-feminism. One time I was at an acquaintance's birthday party he is from the movement as well as the other attendees, so we were playing truth or dare and it was my turn to choose truth or dare so I chose the former and the girl who the bottle pointed at asked me in a really condescending way if I ever made out with a girl and quickly some guy asked me if I am virgin this was very infuriating and made me become way more insecure reviving my middle school self, and at the same time I was binging on anti-feminist videos and because of the youtube algorithm I discovered MGTOW and TRP, at first the idea didn't make sense and they seemed like a hate group, but I started becoming more misogynistic and resentful then I started shit posting incendiary sexist content on facebook so the girl from the movement I was obsessed with saw my posts and unfriended me I went through depression and to add insult to injury I was working a job I greatly despise and when I parents found out that I got fired (although felt relieved when I was fired) they scolded me and I told them I hate my college major ( the job was the same field as the college major) they never understood why making my depression worse. Then I found MGTOW and 98% of it resonated with me, so I adopted the label and my misogyny was on steroids making me very distrustful, disagreeable , aloof , cold , stoic , cynical, and misanthropic of humans especially women, instead of becoming depressed I was boiling with rage and would lash out, and I cut off all contact with people form the movement except for a few people.

I even believed women should not be allowed to vote because they don't take responsibilities and only want equality when it suits them and chivalry when it suits them, and that they have less options so they will find it hard to settle with Chad, and feminism was a reaction to women having beta husbands and wanted to go with Chad. But something inside me was telling me that patriarchy is unnatural and sexual marxism is entitlement, I still preferred the idea of sex bots. I was also sympathetic to incels as well as Elliott Rodger and Alek Minassian massacres, still they lose me when they wanted to legalize rape and shariah, and their extremely toxic crab mentality, and horrible advice "Better Rope" and everything else is cope. Moreover I learned that women are attracted to Looks Money & Status from FaceandLMS and women are attracted to men who are preselected by other women that's the reason why women say they want an experienced man and not virgin.

In summer 2018, my cousin came from the US and we are very close to each other, she told me that her husband is toxic and he used her to get the citizenship and treats her like a maid, and this started slowly changing my perspective. Moreover I was opposed to free healthcare but read scientific study showing how European universal healthcare is way better than american healthcare , this made me slowly dissociate from the right and red pill, through this I discovered Contrapoints and enjoyed how she refutes the right talking points then I found her video on incels and it made more sense than red pill and black pill bs.

Ever since I fell down the MGTOW rabbit hole I was becoming the monster, and I started hating my MGTOW self, even though it motivated to go to the gym and workout. Till now fitness and strength training have become my passions, and I have built some muscle mass especially on my shoulders, traps , and triceps, going to the gym has kept me somewhat sane throughout my phase. Speaking of muscles, I realized that toxic masculinity doesn't mean that all masculinity is toxic, it means the negative traits associated with being a man like "Man Up" , "Boys don't cry" , "Men can't get raped" , "Cuck", "Soyboy" , "Beta" , "Men don't get abused by a woman" etc. By the way those red pilled alpha males are actually very insecure about their masculinity and a real alpha male doesn't need to subjugate women or afraid of strong intelligent woman.

I am still working on my self, and please don't suggest therapy because all they did was rip me off , I am finding a life coach. I still take responsibility for my actions

This is how I look

PS: Excuse my English as it isn't my first language.