I often post advice to help people detox from red pill but the truth is that i'm still struggle to detox myself. I am 24 years old and i have an amazing girlfriend. But i always find a way to ruin our relationship. Every since from the beggining relationship was a bit shaky, although i'm much more stable now. As you can probably guess, it has to do with what you think it does: red pill. It all started with me having tremendous jealousy over her sexual past, probably because it was more extensive than mine. Frankly, her past is probably quite normal although i had trouble digesting a one night stand she had with a friend, but over time i went past that progressively. It kinda shames me to admit it but it made me feel beta. It made me feel as if i was a cuck, all thanks to red pill. This kind of mindset is fucking ridiculous, but over time i realized that as long as she's treats you kindly and is a good person anything that happent in the past would be nothing but an ego stroke anyway, so why bother?

Nowadays i still have trust issues. I'm trapped in the idea that she lied to me about her past. My mind remembers all that she has said in the past to try to catch her lieing to me. It's not even the fact that she had sex that bothers me so much. It's the thought that she may want to manipulate me into thinking she's a good girl which i find machiavellian and hypocrit that bugs me. It makes me obcess over this shit.

Now i'm somewhat stable. It can go one, maybe two decent months without a single fight. But then, one day, she says something triggering, my mind starts wondering and i start obcessing over the possibility that she lied to me somehow and i accuse her of things. Start asking questions, a huge fights breaks out. She cries, i cry and everything goes down.

Honestly, she doesn't even does anything to make me feel as if she is dishonest or so. Quite the opposite, she's very caring and trusting. Treats people remarkably well. Everybody compliments me on how good of a person she is. She isn't a smoking hot girl, but everybody loves her. My parents, everyone. Even my cat used to like her back when he was still alive. She is just that good of a girl.

And it must be very hard to be in her place, in our bad moments. She must feel disrespected and trapped about her privacy, and submissive and feeling it's very unfair that she treats me kindly and get a lot of shit even though she offers all of her and get's shit like this in return. But i feel tremendously scared that i'm being manipulated and i let never let my guard down and it kills our relationship :(

It usually ends with her crying out of despair just asking what she has to do for me to trust her over and over again and it's heartbraking.

We luckly communicate maturely and we are very well aware of our problem and why it happens. She knows about red pill and why i'm so insecure and it's mostly my faut. But i can't keep being like this much longer, i'll have to break up with her sooner or later if it doesn't fade completly, even though it has gotten better with time. But i lack the courage and so does she, but i know that one day that's how it eventually gonna end if i don't change.

I wish i haven't had my mind poisoned with such negativism from red pill. Look, we get it that bad shit in dating happen and women aren't angels, but god damn it, red pill just destroys the shit out of any possible hope of having a normal fulfilling relationship with someone.

I'm just writing this to vent and i invite those who went or are going through something similiar to share as well. Everybody know s it's tremendously toxic but you don't know it how much until you are in a situation like this. I'll just try to recover fully and i hope i'll not hurt my girlfriend any further :( At least i couldn't ask for a more caring and understanding partner to help me recover and i hope i'll be worthy of her by fully ditching THIS PIECE OF SHIT OF A MENTAL POISON.