New to ex Red Pill-is hypergamy even the norm? Do women love cocky Dbags? Is any of this stuff even true? Here is my story.

Grantoid · 2022-10-04T00:25:45+00:00

Almost literally none of it is true I'm afraid. I'm very sorry for the ways you grew up that helped instill those tendencies, it's not uncommon and no one's going to harshly judge you for your life experiences.

We are all partially a product of our environments, but at the same time we must try to re-evaluate ourselves and grow as much as we can. And when I say grow, I don't mean move up in socioeconomic status, I mean become more complete, empathetic, healthier people.

Thinking women, or anyone, are only interested in "hypergamy" is to deny them their humanity. Every person is a human, with thoughts and dreams and feelings of their own. They want to be loved. Truly loved, not a one sided love, not a transactional love. If you give a woman tons of money or gifts or you're a handsome gym rat, none of this means they owe you anything. None of this may even check the boxes that they want in a relationship. They want to feel safe. Not only physically safe, but emotionally safe. They want to feel emotionally connected to you.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-10-04T05:47:52+00:00

and I truly want to find my wife that I can treat like a queen. I'm extremely affectionate, if I ever find a girlfriend I will treat her as if she's the best thing to happen to me.

The guys who are successful with women just treat them like human beings and don't put them on a pedestal to be worshipped.

I want to be a traditional masculine provider husband

Most women work now and expect chores to be divided equally and have equal say in decision making. But some women want old-fashioned relationships.

with a wife that adores me and I make this known to women I date.

Its unrealistic to expect a wife to adore you, that only consistently happens in the honeymoon phase. Married life is a little more mixed than that and takes work.

I'm very macho, I say what's on my mind, I call shit out that I think is BS. I'm cocky and somewhat full of myself because that personality developed from consistent abuse in childhood ... I needed to be somewhat narcissistic in order to survive the trauma that I went through.

It sounds like you have severe emotional issues stemming from trauma that sabotage your relationships. I suggest you see a therapist and find more diplomatic ways of communicating and resolving conflicts.

I would constantly check her phone for cheating, hated when she went out drinking to clubs with her friends (somewhat justified), and was overall very overbearing and intense.

This may come off as extremely insecure and make her think you have low self-esteem since you assume your partners will cheat on you.

I can't find a girl to stick with me. Even when I know she will be my girlfriend, even when I know I will give her the world, she still leaves.

That because you are a toxic person in relationships and do toxic things that she eventually can't stand anymore. The insecurity, distrust, narcissism, and toxic behavior are well known relationship killers.

I suggest you read books by John M. Gottman on relationships. He has decades of experience as a licensed psychotherapist and marriage counselor and published evidence-based research on thousands of couples to find proven techniques that actually work.

Exodus631 · 2022-10-04T09:12:08+00:00

I’m just more and more insulted that men think we’re so simple, shallow and devoid of any unmet emotional needs that we will love a rich douchebag. Developing intimate bonds shouldn’t be a formulaic thing either- it’s not just a case of throwing money at women then expecting affection and care to come out the other end. If you are arrogant by your own definition, if you as a dude would find that off putting (which I’m assuming you would) why should an woman want that?

I am so sorry about your childhood though and well done to you for turning things around to be able to support the sort of lifestyle that you have. Are you ever open and honest with your partners about this part of your past?

JustASkoshAntiSosh · 2022-10-04T00:09:57+00:00

I come from a broken home I'm cocky and somewhat full of myself because that personality developed from consistent abuse in childhood I needed to be somewhat narcissistic in order to survive the trauma that I went through I definitely have a cocky, douchey personality. That evolved from a lot of childhood trauma.

Fellow broken home girl here who was in this similar position and I'll try to chime in a bit. I was (still sorta am) very cute, house wife trained, cook well, used manners, sassy but still adhered to large parts of my Catholic faith, took care of others, did lots of charity work, and the list goes on. On paper, I was 'that' girl that a lot of guys chased (even when I struggled with my weight) because I basically already came pre-trained for wife life and could rock it.

Buuuuut, I had the "abused girl" attitude, which I always believed it was its own version of charm. The thing is, until I went to go deal with the affects of the abuse in therapy, I didn't realize how incredibly off-putting certain parts of my personality really was. I was not always like this thankfully or I probably would have been rejected more, but I was a brat (and not the good kind, at least not yet lol). I needed to have my rough edges sanded down.

If I could hazard a guess, it's likely because you don't realize how bad it really is. Even when we're kind 70% of the time, that other 30% can look like huge lit up red flags to people (even if we're not abusive ourselves). We hold these subconscious beliefs when we're abused (especially if it goes on for our entire childhoods like most abused kids go through) that the world is rougher than it is, people are worse than they are, and things are worse than they are. Our brains are primed for survival.

It definitely can be scary, don't get me wrong, but the rate of actual child abuse means that we're still sorta rare in the grand scheme of things, meaning the affects of our abuse isn't clear to a lot of people too. Which means less people are primed to deal with our shit. Since I was abused to, there is a level of the bullshit I can put up with better than your typical girl, but it's not easy, so I can see why 'normies' who didn't get raised in that life would prefer to dip out and be with someone less...stimulating.

debatelord_1 · 2022-10-04T08:46:59+00:00

This reads like some kind of fanfiction.

People who make that kind of money are typically young. And they tend to be workaholics. Not guys who tons of time to roam the streets, workout, eat healthy and get tons of sleep (which is needed to be jacked).

EmbarrassedEmu27 · 2022-10-05T07:10:56+00:00

The big logical flaw in red pill is that they think women are monolith and they have figured out the algorithm. You might get sex being the man they teach you and even that I think it more to do with confidence not the whole Alpa man thing but how is that going work out long term. Jeff bezo and Bill gates are divorced so is a poor high school teacher. What does it tell?

Like you , women are also by product of parenting they received and peer group they grew up. The perception they have about life may also change with age and experience with men. Some are going to be selfish same like you. Socioeconomic group affects our choices as well -where will the poor women meet rich men to trade higher? . Most middle class people marry within the similar clan. I went to top B school and have many doctor friends where I have seen the wives supporting through husband’s start up journey with no revenue and doctor wives working through to support husband pursuing higher education.

So partner selection depends some many factors and clubbing it say as hypergamy would be understatement which also goes for boxing men and saying all they need is good looking young women.

Humans value trait in the partner that afffect their daily life. Money is one single aspect of it, those women who left you did not want over bearing, intense (infact this is coming across as insecure) guy everyday of their life. They wanted partner who will make the feel safer and loved. Anyone who is deciding their partner without taking into account the traits that may affect everyday of the life instead deciding only on superficially traits/attributes usually regret it later.

You being top may be relevant for short period but for marriage who you are as a person everyday has more credits.

Side note: Narcissism is a type B personality disorder sub grouped with anti social and psychopath so please don’t use that word to describe your personality. Narcissistic men are abusive.

Angry_Sparrow · 2022-10-04T02:44:00+00:00

This makes me wonder: how much of this shit is actually true?

None if it.

Is being the arrogant, macho guy the way to a woman’s heart?

No.

Is it the end all be all to be good looking, muscular, and rich?

No.

If it is, why haven’t I found my wife?

Be yourself. Find the person that likes you for you. Stop taking advice from men that no sane woman would date. Red pill gurus are full of shit and are highly toxic men that women can sense from a mile away.

It sounds like you are a very attractive, successful person without any depth or personality (because you need to learn self love and figure out who you are on your own terms, not a red pill gurus advice) and you have some abusive behaviours that are red flags. You shouldn’t ever need to look at your partners phone. You should be able to trust them and expect the same in return.

I don’t live in the USA otherwise I’d offer to go for a drink in person to tell you where you’re going wrong.

Also, pro-tip: Hypergamy isn’t real.

RatDontPanic · 2022-10-04T03:24:29+00:00

Reality check, dude, there are women who are like that. Hypergamy is real much in the same way that rapists are real. Some people are like that but not everyone is like that. If you see red flags pointing to these traits then you need to bail. If every woman is showing these red flags then you need to re-think who you're hanging around and what you're doing.

Start with this foundation for your entire dating life strategy.

zapadz · 2022-10-04T05:48:07+00:00

Here are some videos on why some women like “cocky d bags” and why your red pill beliefs are sabotaging your success with women, and how to heal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPIZWWzJjYE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xjMociMHI0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI73CQtDqKQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqDylBrAFGU

Ok-Blacksmith-9418 · 2022-10-04T07:02:28+00:00

Sounds like you’re so close to being very healthy masculine you just need to drop all the red pill stuff.

Andromeda_______ · 2022-10-04T14:20:56+00:00

I can't fathom why you got into RP in the first place. RP is usually a cope for men who haven't been very successful with women and decide that this is because they don't make enough money/women are the evil spawn of Satan unable to love a man for anything other than his money.

They are usually not on a high income.

I had to try not to be judgemental when you started with "I make 300k per year". Now I don't know what country you're from but that's a dream salary. Sounds like you have a good life and don't have any troubles with attracting women.

I literally don't understand why you would have even stumbled across red pill if you are so successful in life. It's literally philosophy for losers.

You've at least learned that you can attract women, but sounds like you can't keep them. This should tell you everything. The riches and the toys might attract a woman, but a good character is what keeps them around. You trap more flies with honey dude.

LovellyNarco · 2022-10-09T17:17:45+00:00

Remember the redpill community places this emphasis on "high value men". They identify value with money. So by the "top 1%" they mean the richest guys on the planet, not the average man. Rich men ("high value") can afford to be cocky Dbags because their money sweetens the deal for a woman who would never share a bed with them in any other instance. He more or less has to pay her off! For every other normal person on the planet this is evidently not the case. I'm surprised so many men watch this stuff (I used to myself, in truth), because most of us are not rich, even with a good income. The average income of men in the UK is around £35k, which is certainly not the top 1%. Yet this is the average man marring the average woman. So no, most women aren't filtering you out just to find a billionaire. You haven't found your wife because you can't engineer chemistry. It will happen spontaneously :)

xvszero · 2022-10-04T16:55:45+00:00

I mean. Most people don't actually want longterm relationships with a "cocky, douchey personality". That gets tiring.

I would constantly check her phone for cheating, hated when she went out drinking to clubs with her friends (somewhat justified), and was overall very overbearing and intense.

Here is a thing that you should consider that you probably won't want to consider. You're not "truly a great guy". What you just described is, frankly, a very not great guy. You seem to want to have your cake and eat it, and that's not how it works. You can't be the cocky douchy overbearing controlling guy and try to claim "nice guy" too. You have a lot of work to do to get to "nice guy".

And despite how progressive or whatever society is becoming about sex, most people don't actually want a longterm relationship with someone who has had 100+ partners without any real longterm relationships in the past. You can say "I swear it was the other person who ended it EVERY SINGLE TIME OUT OF THESE 100+ TIMES" but who is going to believe that? They're just going to assume that you're not longterm relationship material and that you'll either ditch out soon or do something shitty that makes them want to ditch out soon. You're asking them to invest in something without giving any evidence that you're capable of it, and a lot of evidence to the contrary.

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incredulitor · 2022-10-04T03:00:07+00:00

Is being the arrogant, macho guy the way to a woman's heart? Is it the end all be all to be good looking, muscular, and rich? If it is, why haven't I found my wife?

How deterministic do events in your life seem to be? Would dating, for better or worse, have qualities that would make it more deterministic than other aspects of what you experience, or less? Would you want it to be deterministic if you had a choice for it to be or not?

fathergoose77 · 2022-10-04T21:41:37+00:00

Hypergamy exists in both men and women, but it is absolutely not the norm. This might apply to women who only value wealth/status and men who only value youth/beauty. There’s always gonna be a “better” one, and some people value chasing that more than love and genuine connections/commitment, BUT IT IS NOT THE NORM.

Generally people don’t like cocky people. People like confidence and assertiveness, and this is way different than cocky.

Lastly, no, not really. It’s very small grains of truth (like attractive people are attractive and we notice attractive people) warped to an extreme to lure young insecure men in to the angry hate-fest.

crypto_druid · 2022-10-05T04:35:15+00:00

What’s your definition of hypergamy? I never heard it as women who are attracted to douche bags.

hypergamy is women who want to date up in social class. For sure women like that exists, but hypergamy isn’t widespread society destroying problem like some guys make it out to be, the vast majority of women marry within their own class. People like to blame entities for their own shortcomings instead of taking responsibility, it's the stubborn, lazy persons excuse.

what’s destroying society is the financial system, corrupt politicians and fake news. But as long as people are focused on blaming invisible boogie men like hypergamy, toxic masculinity, systematic racism etc then they aren’t focused on the real problem makers

crypto_druid · 2022-10-05T05:46:53+00:00

As for the women leaving you, the red pill douchebag persona is going to attract short term girls, they will only ever like you for superficial reasons so even if one did stick around she most likely won't be for you anyway.

You are maturimg and realising that you want something more “traditional” in a relationship. Change your persona to match your change of heart, you already have stability and security which is important for long term, but you need to express yourself as a more down go earth guy. Stop showing off in your videos, drop all the bling, behave more humbly, drop the sun tans and shirtless vids, use your social media presence to do good in the world, be chill and you will attract a cool girl easily

Responsible_Kick_811 · 2022-10-07T22:52:54+00:00

Red pill 101 is Looks, Money, Status, Game. If you have the first three and still eating shit, you're lacking in the fourth. And in your case, you're lacking in a big way. Or you have a micropenis or something.

Title	New to ex Red Pill-is hypergamy even the norm? Do women love cocky Dbags? Is any of this stuff even true? Here is my story.
Author	Exodus631
Upvotes	6
Comments	54
Date	October 3, 2022 11:37 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xuz3g9/new_to_ex_red_pillis_hypergamy_even_the_norm_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/new-to-ex-red-pill-is-hypergamy-even-the-norm-do.1135198 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135198