I found TRP 4 years ago, after a break up with my first girlfriend. She was the first girl I ever kissed. We never even had sex. We decided to be friends after the breakup, and she spent 4 months telling me about all the guys she'd been fuckign since we broke up. I eventually found out she'd been cheating on me for most of our relationship.

TRP made so much sense to me at the time. A lot of stuff TRP is based on seems logical. I guess this is part of what makes it so easy to be drawn in. That and promises of making me powerful, especially at a time when I was feeling so powerless in my life.

At first, TRP was great. I started exercising, talking to girls more, being more assertive, and broke up contact with my first ex. I went on a few dates, kissed a few girls, got a blowjob. I wanted more though: TRP had promised me sex.

I got drunk and had sex with a girl in my residence on the first back at school. I blacked out halfway through. We had sex again in the morning. A few days later we went out to the bar together and she went home with another guy. She later told me they fucked. This just reaffirmed my belief in TRP: he must have been "more alpha", I must have "broken frame", etc. In reality she was just drunk.

Over the next year, I doubled down on TRP. It had helped me lose my virginity, but I wanted more. I went out 3 times a week, drinking heavily so I would have the courage to approach dozens of strangers. I lost track of how many people I had sex with over the course of that year. I took a few girls virginities and a few girls cheated on their boyfriends with me. I don't even remember most of their names.

Over the course of that year, I thought worse and worse of women. After all, if all it took for women to cheat was me drunkenly talking to them for an hour at the club, who in their right mind would date a woman?

At the end of that year, I met my second girlfriend. We hung out for 3 weeks before we had sex (that remains the longest I've ever hung out with a girl before sex). Strangely, despite what TRP told me, I didn't feel a need to sleep with every woman I could after I met her. I spent two months just sleeping with her before we decided to make it official.

The damage from TRP had been done though. I didn't trust her and constantly accused her of cheating. She had self-esteem issues and put up with whatever I did.

I should have been happy, but I kept reading TRP. After all, it had served me "well" so far. I got greedy and figured I could stay with my girlfriend and have sex on the side too. I eventually cheated on her and felt awful. I should have stopped there, but I kept cheating. The fucked up part is, it got easier and easier to cheat. Eventually, I couldn't stop myself. I downloaded tinder and started meeting up with girls. I justified all this to myself with TRP. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, I thought.

Obviously, the cheating caught up to me. She found out, but decided to stay with me after a few weeks of thinking things over. I wish she hadn't. We fought constantly after that, over the most trivial things. She would throw things at me sometimes and we'd both scream at the top of our lungs at each other. The neighbors threatened to call the cops on us multiple times. I went back to cheating on her behind her back.

After 6 months of this, we broke up, but kept sleeping with each other. I found it harder and harder to respect her. I'd cheated on her and she took me back, we broke up and then kept having sex, she basically let me walk all over her.

It's during this point I started having doubts about TRP. I'd treated my ex horribly, but all she did was care for me, no matter what.

I eventually broke things off with her because I felt bad. This brings us to now. I'm trying to be a better person now, but 4 years of habits are hard to break. When I first started, the "TRP persona" I used to get girls was a mask, hiding a scared boy underneath, but at some point I became the mask. Now i feel like there's nothing left of me underneath. I worry I'll cheat again if I meet another girl I like.

I've broken lots of girl's hearts, cheated on my ex, broken up lots of relationships, etc, all for sex that didn't even make me happy. I could blame TRP, but ultimately, I'm responsible for all the shitty things I've done. I just wish I'd never gone so far with TRP.