Theory: it’s not “all women,” you just dated a BPD/NPD

Russki23 · 2021-01-01T16:06:55+00:00

BPD and NPD women are the train wrecks who fall for Red Pill BS. That's why RP guys are always in toxic relationships with women who lie, cheat, and steal; and the guys are in a nonstop state of "training" their women. Normal women (for lack of a better term) laugh at these RP slime-balls when they come slithering-up using their cheap Snake Oil Salesman schtick.

Russki23 · 2021-01-02T05:34:30+00:00

This will be long and it's okay if you don't want to read it. I get it lol. Please understand this is just my opinion!

So I'm a woman who's mother has a severe cluster B personality disorder. My mother mental and physical abuse, though horrible, has given me the sight that many lack. I have a fair share of male friends and I noticed many of them exude codependent traits. However, codependency in men tend to be overlooked or appears in different ways(ie protective instinct, savior complex etc). I realized this because my trauma resulted in similar response. I wanted to protect people. I often had dreams of making the ultimate sacrifice for loved ones who didn't even like me. I developed a warrior's complex and ended up keeping female friends who I later realized showed strong signs of BPD. Once I went to therapy and learned about my codependent traits, things started to fall into place. I however, started to see men, particularly men with relationship issues, shared those traits in common with me.

I also realized something...

Things that men are conditioned to find "attractive" in women, things we're told are "feminine" are often traits that exist within BPD or NPD. Or better yet, cluster b women perform these traits with a certain allure that men are conditioned to find attractive. Playing damsel, being emotionally fragile, the idealization(much like how a child idealize things) and innocence are common characteristics I have seen associated with the "attractive feminine" woman. I'd see it when men would skip pass me for friends who clearly had cluster b disorders and had shown major red flags from the beginning. But those men were totally turned off by me because apparently I was "butch" in their eyes. Funny thing is I'm not butch at all. I'm very much a woman. But woman is not what's attractive to the codependent men. It's the girlish nature of the cluster b woman that lures men in. And men are led astray and told these are the feminine ideal just like women are led to believe the boisterous male(thugs, jocks etc) is masculine. Both are fallacies. Both are caricatures of the more balanced and true feminine and masculine form.

For men with codependent traits, it's likely their mother's had a cluster b personality disorder. LGBT aside, having a cluster b parent of the opposite sex can lead to some problematic romantic choices. Men with N/BPD mothers are more likely to repeat the dynamic with their partners. In some cases a man will be just unlucky and happen to end up with cluster b partner. But if there's a history of narcissistic abuse from a Narc/Borderline mother, there is an unconscious attraction between the disordered and that man. He will feel compelled to love her back to health. To protect and provide. And to a degree I am all for that. But the problem is with a cluster b there is no mutual exchange. So he's wasting positive energy on a black hole.

See for me, my Nmom and I are the same gender(obviously) so the effects are different. It hardened my heart. I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with women. I can't see myself as beautiful or attractive to men. And the fact I saw how men just flocked to my mother knowing how monstrous she was to me, sent me the message that there's something about cluster b women that men find attractive. Or there's something about the way men are collectively socialized that makes them attracted to these kinds of women.

I was once talking to my friend who was having a red pill/INCEL moment. He was venting to me about how the woman he was in love with was sleeping with him in secret while engaged to someone she wasn't happy with. And he asked why all women date assholes and try to change them, yet sneak around with Nice Guys like him, ultimately sending mixed messages. I asked in rebuttal,

"Do you not see how you're doing the exact same thing?" He inturn asked how. And I said,

"She is persisting with an asshole thinking she'd be special enough to make him change and gaining some kind of validation. You are staying with her, in hopes you will be special enough to make her change and gain some kind of validation. Both of you are persisting with a destructive force in hopes you'd be special enough to change them."

He stopped and he looked like a crushed his entire world. But he understood and had a moment of clarity. Yes the woman in that scenario definitely shows some typical cluster b red flags(persistence with toxic situation, not learning from mistakes, having "back up guys" etc) but he's showing clear signs of co-dependency (seeking validation through struggle, unrelenting loyalty, trying to fix people, feeling responsible for others happiness etc).

With that said I do agree many of these RP men have been hurt badly by cluster b women. I also believe these men had preexisting co-dependent traits either from past trauma or some other experience. I also believe our society condition us to believe certain traits that are actually predatory when you look beneath the surface, are attractive in women. Of course this is not always the case but based on what I've seen from the men in my support group(Adult children of narcissist) that's a common theme. I'm also not saying it's not okay to want to help or protect someone. But being selective in whom you protect and help is key. My husband helps me through a great deal. Through his support I learn it's okay to ask for help, to be protected, to have a shoulder to cry on, to depend on someone, and not always fight my way out. However, he has also learned while being with me that the person you're protecting isn't entitled to being saved. Especially if they have a habit of starting chaos to trigger a protective response. He learned that a woman is to stand beside him not ride his fucking back because she forgot to wear shoes. It's hard to tell the difference I know. I often tell my friends(male or female) that if you want to help someone that's fine, but when they start acting entitled to your energy, resources and time when they are not showing any signs of improvement, it's time to move on.

But I digressed. I know your post mostly discussed cheating, but another common theme I have noticed with RP men who I too believe actually dated a cluster b, is the unreciprocated energy they put into these women. Which later results in the bitterness they have towards women in general. And if they do have co-dependent traits or what have you, the sad thing is, they're not even equipped to date or even love a healthy woman. Thus leading them to be attracted to the very thing that will destroy them, repeating the cycle :(.

Thekidbkj · 2021-01-01T21:59:44+00:00

I think if anything it’s the men who are engaged in red pill have some narcissistic traits. The inability to handle rejection and revenge fantasizing seems to fit

bluehorserunning · 2021-01-01T17:37:05+00:00

Or it was two immature people having a bad first relationship. Or it was a woman who was raised to think that her only value was in her physical attractiveness and the wealth of the man she tied down.

JackieNaper1907 · 2021-01-02T09:01:08+00:00

Ok I agree with your theory BUT sometimes it's really just a problem with the guy.

One of the most famous redpilles became redpill just because his best friend, who he was crushing on, got into a relationship. And who hasnt gotten a crush that wasnt reciprocated? Everyone!

The same thing happened to me several times, but guess what? I didn't create a community of misandrists and misogynists (since I'm bi) I just got over them, maintained friendships with those people, and then eventually I did find someone who's attraction was mutual, and that person is now my boyfriend.

A lot of these guys just have an extremely unhealthy view of relationships. So many of them see women as bad people for wanting to have consensual sex with several people and then settling down, which is hypocritical because it is exactly what they want to do.

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2021-01-02T01:58:12+00:00

Totally agreed, I've been saying the same thing. Also, many of these guys have no experience with women in the first place, or just have no game so they get angry and fall into the red pill mindset to deflect from their inability to get a girlfriend. It's always easier to blame someone else instead of looking into a mirror. Also, sometimes its deflection and they are in fact the Narcissists and want to play victims.

CitrusyDeodorant · 2021-01-01T17:00:48+00:00

Can we please stop armchair diagnosing women to excuse the shitty behaviour of RP dudes? Thanks. A bad relationship is a bad relationship, personality disorder or not, and it is not a good excuse to whine about AWALT. Why is it somehow always women's fault that men end up gobbling up RP?

Carloverguy20 · 2021-01-01T21:36:56+00:00

It's all just projection of their failed experiences

yeetboi_dangerous · 2021-01-01T17:37:02+00:00

Mental illness of all kinds is under diagnosed in women. But this is actually a good point I never considered

fembitch97 · 2021-01-01T19:08:01+00:00

As someone who works in mental health care, I honestly disagree with you on a lot of this. Personality disorders are exceedingly rare and there is no evidence that they are wildly underdiagnosed as you claim. Also, I don’t really think we can make any large claims about what attracts men to red pill ideology. I think there are a wide variety of reasons, and prior experience with mentally ill women is only one of many many other factors. We also can’t ignore how ubiquitous red pill ideas are in men’s spaces online. I think Internet algorithms are a powerful thing and they invite a lot of otherwise happy healthy young men into toxic women-hating spaces.

xvszero · 2021-01-01T19:04:39+00:00

Nah, that's still blaming women. Most red pill men came to it because they are fucking morons who are terrible at accepting the fact that they cause a lot of their own problems. BTW you seem severely confused about how BPD works in the real world.

Jakesteroz · 2021-01-01T22:05:33+00:00

Absolutely. I myself struggle with mental disorders and am a bit of a wreck although not harmful or toxic to others and I've met many really well put together women as well as men and they make me insecure lol. I also met plenty of women and men who are trainwrecks and are in relationships or not. All this awalt and amalt is limiting. Bs.

Wasabi_Open · 2021-01-02T02:43:40+00:00

yuuup that s right i wouldn' even argue

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-01-01T17:58:15+00:00

Personality disorders are not "illnesses". They're theories at best and aren't even recognized outside of the Western hemisphere.

Oflameo · 2021-01-02T20:37:26+00:00

Cluster-B women are my favorite.

BuckeyeFan007 · 2021-01-04T18:53:57+00:00

I would say a lot of Red Pill, MGTOW, INCELS, TFL/FA and Manosphere men suffer from NPD as they seem to exhibit a lot symptoms listed below -- particularly a sense of superiority, entitlement, looking down on others, etc.

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerate achievements and talents
Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
Take advantage of others to get what they want
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Be envious of others and believe others envy them
Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

zayelion · 2021-01-05T11:00:47+00:00

I honestly think RP filters for them. Most women would see these behaviors as red flags.

silberfuechsin · 2021-01-03T21:03:28+00:00

To paraphrase one of my favorite authors, you don't have enough facts for a theory. This is a hypothesis, an intriguing one, but extremely difficult to falsify, and damn near impossible to prove. I will point out one glaring oversight in the statistical generalizations you make below that no one else seems to have brought up yet: in addition to conflating BPD/NPD, you also front your numbers as if every single person with either or both of those disorders is an untreated, unmedicated, out-of-control trainwreck wreaking a path of havoc on those around them. I will readily grant that some of them are undoubtedly like that, some have been like that in the past but are either in in- or outpatient care, and some of them are in maintenance care leading the best possible life they can, which cuts your numbers. Dunno by how much, given that mental health care is a joke and a shitshow in most of the world as yet, but by some.

Title	Theory: it’s not “all women,” you just dated a BPD/NPD
Author	Russki23
Upvotes	80
Comments	108
Date	January 1, 2021 3:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/kodi9s/theory_its_not_all_women_you_just_dated_a_bpdnpd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/theory-its-not-all-women-you-just-dated-a-bpdnpd.352550 https://theredarchive.com/post/352550