During my TRP days, I always thought that sex was the 'ultimate' goal. It was like the holy grail of all experience. All of my behavior, my entire thought system, revolved around doing what would make me have sex consistently and be more sexually desirable.
I didn't realize at the time what I was truly seeking was an intimate connection with another human being, and sex was the only way I thought it could come.
Having beautiful intimate connections with other human beings
Relief is the word I'm looking for here. Life seems to be an uphill battle. We work, push, work, push, and through sex, we experience this momentary feeling of blissful release.
Look at it this way though: this feeling of release, relief, beauty, and bliss is what we truly seek. And sex is the 'way' through which we achieve that feeling.
Throughout my entire life, it never occurred to me that you can actually experience a blissful and satisfying feeling without having sex. I had never experienced it. It was only a couple of years ago that I actually understood that this was a possibility and saw what was preventing me from experiencing it.
When I really considered it, I look back on my previous relationships, I remember having many non-sexual moments of pure intimacy and love. For example, my current girlfriend, a couple of years ago, made me a little book with pictures of us with art she made detailing all of our adventures we went through. It was so beautiful I nearly broke down crying with gratitude.
At that moment, I felt the love she had for me. When I experienced that feeling, I knew instantly that I had found what I had been looking for my whole life. But I didn't know 'what' it was - it was just a feeling.
Consider this: these beautiful intimate experiences we share with one another are the default. Whenever we aren't caught up in our personal judgmental thoughts, we experience this intimate feeling in the presence of another.
When you stop playing the role of being someone you're not in order to attain something. When you set aside your agenda, and choose instead to set the intention of just sharing a moment of eternity with another human being, you step into that space of intimacy immediately.
You step into what can be called 'Presence', meaning just being present with someone, here and now, not caught up in personal thoughts and judgments.
So I realized that my whole life searching for sex, to achieve a feeling a deep intimacy, was actually a search to step out my personal thinking and experience of a moment of intimacy with another human being.
Since then I've had beautiful experiences with all sorts of different people.
I was once at an airport on a 1-hour layover. I went to get some food at a restaurant. There was a girl sitting there by herself. I asked her if she would be willing to hang out while we ate. She said sure. Keep in mind I was dating at the time. I had no intention of getting her number, sleeping with her, or anything. My intention was purely sharing in the joy of connection.
Turns out she had a boyfriend too. I knew that the love they shared was just like the what I shared with my girlfriend. I was curious about their relationship and wanted to hear about how much he meant to her. So I asked questions, about their first dates, about her favorite moments with him. At one point she began to tear up and started to cry.
She felt so much love at that moment she couldn't contain her tears.
I remember being with her, being present, feeling blessed that she felt comfortable being herself with me, and just feeling pure heartfelt happiness.
That's Presence.
There was a time when I would have approached that situation as a 'Oh look, it's a pretty girl, let's practice my skills and see if I can get her number'.
I left with no number, just pure love, happiness, and joy in my heart.
Would you rather be someone who gets numbers and occasionally gets laid or someone that is present with someone to the point where their heart cracks open and love flows through?
Presence requires no words. 'Love is in the air', as they say.
Going deeper
You can end reading here if you want, I'm going to talk about some spiritual stuff now. If you'd like to take this to the next level then read on, friend.
In the last bit, I spoke about a feeling. A feeling of connection, love, and intimacy. I explained how sex wasn't the only way to experience that feeling.
You can see this connection, this feeling, as a particular state of mind. A channel you're tuned into.
How you feel is an indicator of your state of mind.
So for example, when it feels like something is upsetting you, that means you are in an upset state of mind. When something pisses you off, you are in a frustrated state of mind. When it looks like nobody is there for you, it's because you are in a lonely state of mind.
Your experience of life is colored by the state of mind you are in at any given moment. Thought determines your state of mind at any moment.
Here's the thing: because your thinking can shift, your state of mind can freely move. You can shift from happiness to loneliness to sadness to frustration to bliss to upsetting and then back to happiness. How you feel is never 'locked' by any circumstances.
It's actually your state of mind at any moment that creates your perception of circumstances, which becomes your experience.
In a heavenly state of mind, everything you perceive is beautiful. You look at the beauty in everything.
Let's look at sex from a 'state of mind' perspective.
Every time you've had sex, you've tapped briefly into a state of mind. The sex didn't cause the feeling, you allowed that state of mind during sex.
That state of mind is available outside of sex. I've made it clear that it's available when you have a deep connection with another human being, but I want to make it abundantly clear in this section that this state of mind is always available, at every moment, without exception.
Heaven is Now
Every great religion points to a state of mind, a place, as Rumi calls 'a field'. Heaven, Nirvana, whatever you want to call it.
There's a state of mind you can tap into where you see the beauty, connection, intimacy, with everything around you. It's easy, and natural. It's your spiritual birthright. There's only one thing that can get in the way of experiencing that beautiful state of mind: thought.
You naturally gravitate to this heavenly state of mind when you allow your judgemental or personal thoughts to pass.
We have personal thinking, judgmental thinking, and it gets in the way of our unbreakable connection to a Higher mind (God/Infinite Mind/whatever).
You might think of your mind as a radio tuner. You may have been tuned into the personal/ego for your whole life, but the moment you let go of control and allow the energy of life to take you over, your radio tuner naturally gravitates back to pure thought from Infinite Mind.
The goal isn't to change your thoughts. This is what so many people get caught up in. They spent their whole lives trying to update their thinking the be better.
In order to experience this heavenly state of mind you have to wake up from out of your thinking.
If you've ever lost yourself on the dancefloor, it's that 'losing yourself' that opens up space for Heaven to come rushing in, and with it, a beautiful feeling.
When you dance (truly dance, not dance to pick up girls), you momentarily drop out of your own personal dream of thought, and you fall into the beautiful intelligence of your higher mind and let it move you.
Now listen carefully because I'm going to bring you right to the door.
No matter where you are, no matter what you're doing right now, let your thinking settle. Imagine your mind is a snowglobe, and you're letting the thoughts settle.
Let your thoughts come in and out naturally. Don't force anything. Don't make anything up. Just let it be as organic and as natural as it wants to be.
Eventually, you will naturally stumble upon a nice feeling. When you find that nice feeling, that's what I call the 'White Rabbit'. Just be with that feeling and let it consume you.
That nice feeling is your home. It's your eternal resting place. You can visit it at any time. It's also the birthplace of beautiful thoughts. As you spend more time in this feeling, you'll begin to see the world differently. You'll begin to act differently. It will transform you from the inside-out. You'll begin to walk, act, and be in the world as pure loving being you are deep in yourself.
This is true spiritual evolution. You're not changing yourself, you're allowing your Higher self to come through. You can allow it or stop it at any point.
The only thing that can ever get between you and that beautiful feeling is your own thinking.
Understand the convincing nature of your own thoughts, and you got it.
Your judgmental/ego thoughts look and feel real to you. They look like circumstances.
Let them go anyway, let them slip away. Stay with the beautiful feeling and you'll experience an abundance of happiness and wellbeing.
Your happiness and wellbeing is never more than one thought away. It's your true nature. It can be obscured by thought but never lost.
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You are very much capable of experiencing love and happiness. I am 100% sure and I would bet my life on it if I could.
You just, for whatever reason, think you can't. And that line of thinking feels very real to you at this moment.
I know these words might seem too far out and not real, but you don't need to believe it, the moment you see it you won't be able to un-see it. Just listen.
Whether you like it or not, you are a spiritual being having a human experience. That 'spiritualness' of your true nature is swimming in love. Not just any love, but divine love.
But as a spiritual being, you have the capacity to make illusion. Meaning that using thought, you can see creation, and yourself, in whatever light you choose. You can make it appear like you are an unloving being in an unloving world.
What happens with humans is we confuse our own thought-created illusions for reality. Consider for a moment that each person sees the world in a different way. The common denominator is thought. We have different thinking about the world, so we see the world as we think it is.
But no matter what we think the world is, or who we think we are, it's coming from our own thinking.
I promise you all you need is one experience, one insight into your spiritual nature, and you'll wonder how you ever thought you couldn't experience love or happiness.
I swear on my life.
Listen, right now you feel like you're missing love only because you're living in a lower level of consciousness.
At lower levels of consciousness, we're not really able to see the fact that we experience our thinking. At lower levels of consciousness, it seems as though life is happening to us from the 'outside' and we're observing it. At higher levels of consciousness, we see that the only thing we observe is our own thinking, and it looks feels real at the moment.
Don't take my word for anything until it's obviously true to you.
Every level of consciousness justifies its own reality. Meaning each one looks and feels real.
When you're at a lower level of consciousness, happiness seems like a distant dream, and there's all sorts of evidence to back that up.
But through a shift in your level of consciousness, you see the world differently. Eventually with enough steps up the ladder of levels of consciousness, you will realize that love never left you, you just thought it left. You wake up from illusions of your own thinking, kind of like waking up from a dream. You will feel it come alive inside you and experience an ancient joy that's been long forgotten.
Your level of consciousness raises automatically, kind of like a cork underwater. The only thing that keeps it down is when you hold onto old thinking. As you let go of whatever 'old' thinking comes into your awareness, the higher you will go.
You'll know your consciousness is raising because you'll feel more expansive and more connected.
Let go of old thinking, your consciousness will raise, and then sometimes in that space new thinking will come out of the blue. It'll feel nice.
Don't rush it, it's a gentle process :)
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