During my TRP days, I always thought that sex was the 'ultimate' goal. It was like the holy grail of all experience. All of my behavior, my entire thought system, revolved around doing what would make me have sex consistently and be more sexually desirable.

I didn't realize at the time what I was truly seeking was an intimate connection with another human being, and sex was the only way I thought it could come.

Having beautiful intimate connections with other human beings

Relief is the word I'm looking for here. Life seems to be an uphill battle. We work, push, work, push, and through sex, we experience this momentary feeling of blissful release.

Look at it this way though: this feeling of release, relief, beauty, and bliss is what we truly seek. And sex is the 'way' through which we achieve that feeling.

Throughout my entire life, it never occurred to me that you can actually experience a blissful and satisfying feeling without having sex. I had never experienced it. It was only a couple of years ago that I actually understood that this was a possibility and saw what was preventing me from experiencing it.

When I really considered it, I look back on my previous relationships, I remember having many non-sexual moments of pure intimacy and love. For example, my current girlfriend, a couple of years ago, made me a little book with pictures of us with art she made detailing all of our adventures we went through. It was so beautiful I nearly broke down crying with gratitude.

At that moment, I felt the love she had for me. When I experienced that feeling, I knew instantly that I had found what I had been looking for my whole life. But I didn't know 'what' it was - it was just a feeling.

Consider this: these beautiful intimate experiences we share with one another are the default. Whenever we aren't caught up in our personal judgmental thoughts, we experience this intimate feeling in the presence of another.

When you stop playing the role of being someone you're not in order to attain something. When you set aside your agenda, and choose instead to set the intention of just sharing a moment of eternity with another human being, you step into that space of intimacy immediately.

You step into what can be called 'Presence', meaning just being present with someone, here and now, not caught up in personal thoughts and judgments.

So I realized that my whole life searching for sex, to achieve a feeling a deep intimacy, was actually a search to step out my personal thinking and experience of a moment of intimacy with another human being.

Since then I've had beautiful experiences with all sorts of different people.

I was once at an airport on a 1-hour layover. I went to get some food at a restaurant. There was a girl sitting there by herself. I asked her if she would be willing to hang out while we ate. She said sure. Keep in mind I was dating at the time. I had no intention of getting her number, sleeping with her, or anything. My intention was purely sharing in the joy of connection.

Turns out she had a boyfriend too. I knew that the love they shared was just like the what I shared with my girlfriend. I was curious about their relationship and wanted to hear about how much he meant to her. So I asked questions, about their first dates, about her favorite moments with him. At one point she began to tear up and started to cry.

She felt so much love at that moment she couldn't contain her tears.

I remember being with her, being present, feeling blessed that she felt comfortable being herself with me, and just feeling pure heartfelt happiness.

That's Presence.

There was a time when I would have approached that situation as a 'Oh look, it's a pretty girl, let's practice my skills and see if I can get her number'.

I left with no number, just pure love, happiness, and joy in my heart.

Would you rather be someone who gets numbers and occasionally gets laid or someone that is present with someone to the point where their heart cracks open and love flows through?

Presence requires no words. 'Love is in the air', as they say.

Going deeper

You can end reading here if you want, I'm going to talk about some spiritual stuff now. If you'd like to take this to the next level then read on, friend.

In the last bit, I spoke about a feeling. A feeling of connection, love, and intimacy. I explained how sex wasn't the only way to experience that feeling.

You can see this connection, this feeling, as a particular state of mind. A channel you're tuned into.

How you feel is an indicator of your state of mind.

So for example, when it feels like something is upsetting you, that means you are in an upset state of mind. When something pisses you off, you are in a frustrated state of mind. When it looks like nobody is there for you, it's because you are in a lonely state of mind.

Your experience of life is colored by the state of mind you are in at any given moment. Thought determines your state of mind at any moment.

Here's the thing: because your thinking can shift, your state of mind can freely move. You can shift from happiness to loneliness to sadness to frustration to bliss to upsetting and then back to happiness. How you feel is never 'locked' by any circumstances.

It's actually your state of mind at any moment that creates your perception of circumstances, which becomes your experience.

In a heavenly state of mind, everything you perceive is beautiful. You look at the beauty in everything.

Let's look at sex from a 'state of mind' perspective.

Every time you've had sex, you've tapped briefly into a state of mind. The sex didn't cause the feeling, you allowed that state of mind during sex.

That state of mind is available outside of sex. I've made it clear that it's available when you have a deep connection with another human being, but I want to make it abundantly clear in this section that this state of mind is always available, at every moment, without exception.

Heaven is Now

Every great religion points to a state of mind, a place, as Rumi calls 'a field'. Heaven, Nirvana, whatever you want to call it.

There's a state of mind you can tap into where you see the beauty, connection, intimacy, with everything around you. It's easy, and natural. It's your spiritual birthright. There's only one thing that can get in the way of experiencing that beautiful state of mind: thought.

You naturally gravitate to this heavenly state of mind when you allow your judgemental or personal thoughts to pass.

We have personal thinking, judgmental thinking, and it gets in the way of our unbreakable connection to a Higher mind (God/Infinite Mind/whatever).

You might think of your mind as a radio tuner. You may have been tuned into the personal/ego for your whole life, but the moment you let go of control and allow the energy of life to take you over, your radio tuner naturally gravitates back to pure thought from Infinite Mind.

The goal isn't to change your thoughts. This is what so many people get caught up in. They spent their whole lives trying to update their thinking the be better.

In order to experience this heavenly state of mind you have to wake up from out of your thinking.

If you've ever lost yourself on the dancefloor, it's that 'losing yourself' that opens up space for Heaven to come rushing in, and with it, a beautiful feeling.

When you dance (truly dance, not dance to pick up girls), you momentarily drop out of your own personal dream of thought, and you fall into the beautiful intelligence of your higher mind and let it move you.

Now listen carefully because I'm going to bring you right to the door.

No matter where you are, no matter what you're doing right now, let your thinking settle. Imagine your mind is a snowglobe, and you're letting the thoughts settle.

Let your thoughts come in and out naturally. Don't force anything. Don't make anything up. Just let it be as organic and as natural as it wants to be.

Eventually, you will naturally stumble upon a nice feeling. When you find that nice feeling, that's what I call the 'White Rabbit'. Just be with that feeling and let it consume you.

That nice feeling is your home. It's your eternal resting place. You can visit it at any time. It's also the birthplace of beautiful thoughts. As you spend more time in this feeling, you'll begin to see the world differently. You'll begin to act differently. It will transform you from the inside-out. You'll begin to walk, act, and be in the world as pure loving being you are deep in yourself.

This is true spiritual evolution. You're not changing yourself, you're allowing your Higher self to come through. You can allow it or stop it at any point.

The only thing that can ever get between you and that beautiful feeling is your own thinking.

Understand the convincing nature of your own thoughts, and you got it.

Your judgmental/ego thoughts look and feel real to you. They look like circumstances.

Let them go anyway, let them slip away. Stay with the beautiful feeling and you'll experience an abundance of happiness and wellbeing.

Your happiness and wellbeing is never more than one thought away. It's your true nature. It can be obscured by thought but never lost.