Why would women nowadays want to be monogamous?

peraonaliD · 2022-10-05T13:34:35+00:00

Because they want to be

ishitinthemilk · 2022-10-05T13:43:19+00:00

I keep hearing this line that women have so much choice with hookups and it's absolute nonsense. Every single hookup for a woman carries massive risk. Most men can't even talk to us on an app without treating us like sentient fleshlights and many of us have had scary experiences on first dates. There are very few good options out there for women who date men so please stop thinking otherwise.

Accomplished_Bus1375 · 2022-10-05T13:52:43+00:00

Whatever thoughts are making you want momogamy would make someone else want monogamy.

Rude-Land-8260 · 2022-10-05T13:24:55+00:00

Why would women not want to be monogamous?

b-b-b-c · 2022-10-05T14:01:56+00:00

Why would I give random men I don't even know access to my body
Pregnancy risk
STD risk (it's actually easier for me to catch something from a man than the other way)
Probably won't have an orgasm
Need feelings to even want to have sex with someone
General risk of being alone with a man who can do anything to me because of power imbalance

Just from the top of my head

honey-bundy-88 · 2022-10-05T16:04:01+00:00

Dating is hard. I’d rather find a good guy and hit the ejector seat as soon as possible than have to wade through hundreds of people with bad intentions. I’ve heard people describe getting into relationships over the past ten years as catching the last chopper flight out of Vietnam. Even if I did click with another person while in a relationship, I’d be so focused on wanting to keep what I have to really enjoy the extra attention. There’s no part of me that wants that type of lifestyle. I’d rather be a one-in-a-million/lifetime catch than just one of many. And I want my partner to feel the same.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-10-05T13:26:59+00:00

I'm non-monogamous, and I'm in a relationship with a woman who is also non-monogamous, so I can add my two cents here.

We both embrace non-monogamy because we accept that we both find other people attractive, and we may sometimes have opportunities to see other people and don't want to deny each other of that. It also means that we are not entirely dependent on each other, as we can also rely on other people in other ways; neither of us has to be the other's "everything". For us, it works amazingly.

But my girlfriend makes absolutely zero effort to go out and see other men. She has one FWB who she has had a thing with for years (long before we met) and she sees him maybe 2-3 times per year. Meanwhile I currently have one other partner who I see semi-regularly.

I'd actually be happy for her to see other guys, she could do with a bit more of a social life anyway. But she doesn't want to for a few simple reasons:

It's hard work. Don't get this idea that women can just open Tinder and fuck someone that afternoon. Sure, they could, but he will most likely be pretty shitty, and not worth the effort. Women typically don't have the easy experience many men think they do on dating apps. It's usually a lot of filtering through shitty guys who send terrible messages, or even just send straight up harassment (eg unsolicited dick pics). There might be a lot of men showing her interest, but that doesn't mean they're the men she wants. Keep in mind that every woman's preference is different, and often it can be hard for a woman to find a guy who fits that match (just as it should be for men really, if you respect yourself enough to choose someone who's actually good for you
She's not really interested in casual, meaningless sex. Most women I've met aren't either. One night stands are typically unsatisfying, not to mention the risks involved in meeting some strange man from the internet
So having multiple partners she has more of a connection with is another option, but again, that's a lot of work. I have one partner that I see regularly and even keeping in touch with her on top of everything else in my life is hard work. Having multiple boyfriends/girlfriends isn't some easy option women can just pick at any time. Those relationships take maintenance
And finally, doing so would mean that our relationship couldn't be what it is now. She has no need to commit to me entirely, even within our relationship I am literally allowing - even encouraging her - to see other men. But because neither of us put that much focus on having multiple partners, we've been able to build a strong, loving, stable, supportive relationship that neither of us could have if we were spreading ourselves out across multiple people. Getting to know someone, building that close bond, developing trust, stability, familiarity....all those things that come with a long term committed relationship, simply cannot happen if you don't put the work into making them happen.

TL;DR: the rewards that can be found from putting the work into a stable, healthy relationship can outweigh the benefits of multiple short-term partners. While the rewards of just sleeping around with multiple men often don't outweigh the work involved in making that happen.

AdventurousTie8034 · 2022-10-05T15:05:50+00:00

For some people it works being in an open relationship. Personally? I think this cannot work for me. In my opinion love is supposed to be only between two people and nobody else. Monogamy or not is a choice, you should go after what's best for you.

xXMachineWomanXx · 2022-10-05T16:18:12+00:00

Because I love my man for who he is and am not looking for hookups or upgrades.

WWhiMM · 2022-10-05T16:58:21+00:00

However, I don't really get why women even want to be monogamous.

...

However, it kinda crushes my soul, since it would be really hard for me to be non-monogamous

So, which is it?

karabnp · 2022-10-05T14:05:27+00:00

Women typically have entirely different priorities than men do.

Personally, I’d rather have complete/deep mutual trust in and a great connection with one, than going about fucking the free earth. Also, it’s exhausting to juggle multiple men. When would you have any time to and for yourself..??🥴 But hey, PRIORITIES.

Environmental_Lie561 · 2022-10-05T16:19:25+00:00

I’m really hot, intelligent, kind, caring, loving, maternal, creative/artistic/talented, great cook etc I have an issue bonding and I don’t like to be touched by people a lot, but when I do find that one person who I can bond with, I don’t even look elsewhere. I get rid of my guy friends and I focus my attention on him. I don’t have enough emotional energy for more than one man. If I choose a partner, I already know he can give me what I need or is able to learn how to. I don’t enjoy alpha males, even though they say sigma women should, but I enjoy beta. I go for guys that are beneath me in “status” and who are highly emotional and sensitive. I have a predominate feminine core and strong masculine energy as well. I’m well integrated with my polarities, so that’s not a reason. I’m just very attracted to what I’m attracted to. I would be attracted to another sigma, but they are rare, top that with my out of the ordinary attractions and my dating pool gets even smaller. I just want someone to love me, simp hard on me even and be my ride or die. No need for more or whatever. I can take care of my own in every way, though I don’t want to, but I can. If I need him to be or he wants to be sigma, I can help teach him how to get there, like a good woman does and help him find positive male role models as well. Red pill ruined my last relationship, I had no idea what was going on as I grew up traditional/old fashioned from having older parents who were conservative. The games that they play are so closely related to games that a certain family pattern plays, but they are missing key components. I would be seeing Y game played and expecting my Z move to work and it didn’t more than half of the time. So it started to erode trust and admiration. I never saw him as alpha because if I did, I wouldn’t have been attracted to him. So I would play W game and expect X result then I would get R result and it caused so much cognitive dissonance that I would withdraw from the relationship and would be emotionally disregulated. Basically I believed we were playing chess, meanwhile we were playing go fish. He failed so many tests and looking at this red pill book, it makes sense as to why he went against his intuition and failed them. If we weren’t so damn compatible and bonded, I would have left him a long time ago and never looked back.

Monopoly41 · 2022-10-05T13:49:39+00:00

They are not monogamous . If you are talking about the sex , yes maybe monogamous. Otherwise they have plenty of options , work husbands , flirting with the random dudes at clubs

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peraonaliD · 2022-10-05T15:02:45+00:00

Because some women just want that...? Where are you getting that everyone now has to be/is supposed to be nonmonogamous? The vast majority of people aren't gonna care if anyone chooses to be in monogamous relationships. Completely normal.

yourwildlight · 2022-10-05T15:43:13+00:00

Non-monogamy isn’t for everyone. I believe men are more likely to be non-monogamous than women but there are women out there who want multiple partners and that’s fine too. Not everything is about sex though.

capricorndyke · 2022-10-05T16:38:02+00:00

Just because you can have it doesn't mean everyone wants it.

Not everyone wants poly relationships. I don't think the majority of women want open marriages and think monogamy is controlling or boring.

What I like about being in a monogamous marriage is having a steady person in my life. Life gets to be really difficult and there is a point in your adult life where you gain a lot of responsibility. Some people become parents together, or have increasingly demanding jobs, parents are getting older, the world expects more from you. Having someone be on your team helps as you can support each other through all the difficult times. And it is nice to have someone share your success with- whether it be buying a home, getting a raise, or whatever victory you gain or challenge you overcome. It is a very deep relationship and one that I am so grateful to have.

All of that means more to me than sexual adventures with multiple people or living some kind of hedonistic lifestyle. Not all poly folks are hedonistic in nature though. There is a weird spiritual connection for me with sex. I cannot separate love, spirituality, and sex from one another. I just want one person. And she gets all of my love and devotion. And I get all of hers.

xvszero · 2022-10-05T18:46:20+00:00

Why does anyone want anything?

delight-n-angers · 2022-10-05T18:47:25+00:00

Most humans are prone to be monogamous. The reality of the situation is that non-monogamy is a lot more work than monogamy is. I've been in a polyamorous relationship for 19 years and I'm currently (as the female person in the relationship) choosing to practice monogamy because I don't need endless options. My partner is enough. I've never chased new partners or tried to date around. Once in a while a friendship develops into something more but my focus is on my family, business, and partner. I don't have the time, energy, or desire to split that up amongst multiple people currently and likely never will again though the option is open.

And inb4 "well yeah you're a woman, it's easy for you" I'm actually trans (ftm) and have been conventionally ugly my whole life. I never had "endless options" and feel lucky that my partner is as devoted to me as he is. But when it comes to polyamory he's always been the more successful of the 2 of us and has a way higher body count than I do. He currently has one other partner and I have no other partners.

Edit to add - I have always out earned my male partner too, so it's not about being "provided for" or "protected" either. I can handle myself.

Angry_Sparrow · 2022-10-05T19:37:42+00:00

Please stop projecting your fantasies of being an unrepentant slut if you had the access onto us.

saito200 · 2022-10-05T20:23:21+00:00

God forbid having order and consistency in life. What a bullshit. Let's "have fun" and increase our "body count", since obeying our biological impulses and flipping the table on having a structure upon which to build something that lasts is clearly the superior idea. Why give up on opening an app and being fucked by a guy of your choice on a whim?

I really don't know what is so hard to understand about wanting to be monogamous

thrownawaytodaysr · 2022-10-05T21:22:29+00:00

It really seems that 99% of all the ladies could easily hook up with pretty much anyone they want. Which is absolutelly fine.

I have many friends who would challenge this notion. I genuinely believe that any man who thinks this is not basing their views on the experiences of women.

However, I don't really get why women even want to be monogamous. I understand the whole feelings/respect for your partner thing, but it really seems that there are a lot of couples nowadays who "have romance at home", but girl is being open. Which is understandable. Why would someone want to deny their partner's pleasure, if they really love them?

I mean, I would make the argument that if men are such a low value commodity, why wouldn't women just get with other women? The answers are probably the same: because they don't want to. There are both men and women in open relationships. It might be somewhat gendered, but I haven't seen data one way or the other on it. I still expect it's a relatively small number overall. But... I honestly don't see the puzzle. Some people prioritise emotional intimacy above (and even require it for) sexual intimacy. For those people, building relationships with multiple partners can be extremely taxing. Some people genuinely just want to focus on one person.

However, it kinda crushes my soul, since it would be really hard for me to be non-monogamous. And even though Im not really a RP man, I start to believe that monogamy was enforced on people, so there could be "order" in society. Since, it really seems that majority of women admit that monogamy is actually controlling and not that "fun" at all.

Well, monogamy is kind of socially enforced and unnatural for some yet natural for others. I think a society that were more open with the idea of poly relationships while still allowing for monogamous pairings would likely result in a reduction in general infidelity, as people could gravitate toward the sexual norms best suited to them. But all of that aside, do you have any actual data to back your view that a majority of women find it controlling or is this your opinion?

PapaSanjay · 2022-10-05T21:39:33+00:00

Some it’s societal stigmatization of polyamory. Some it’s probably just preference. Some woman wants lots man. Some want a few good man. Some only want one man. Some want no man.

You ask a decent question but rephrase it and I think people would see you question in a better light

Naus1987 · 2022-10-05T23:16:57+00:00

Would you still be monogamous if you had options?

People can have options and still choose not to accept them.

Just find a woman like yourself

KindlyPizza · 2022-10-07T06:33:46+00:00

Hmm ..maybe think it like this, I came from a country that allows men to have up to four wives (yeh...yeh...-that- kinda countries). Most of the men there have only one wife. Even when they are local 'Elon Musk' or 'Bezoz' aka have money, social influence and willing mistresses/future 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc wives.

People want what they want, I think? Sure I can cheat on my partner or jumping from one relationship to another if I want to. But so can my partner. We are still happily together and it is what it is. Not even a conscious decision. We just like each other and each other's presence that much.

octipusavage · 2023-01-11T21:26:03+00:00

Idk i love my boyfriend and the connection we have.

Title	Why would women nowadays want to be monogamous?
Author	icausepain_
Upvotes	0
Comments	87
Date	October 5, 2022 1:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xwa992/why_would_women_nowadays_want_to_be_monogamous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-would-women-nowadays-want-to-be-monogamous.1135002 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135002