Women here who've said that women are pickier than men: why and how do you think women are picky?

BabeOfBlasphemy · 2020-10-14T19:17:14+00:00

The idea that women want what is above their league underscores to me how few of these black pill men really do an honest self assessment of the genders.

Women are expected to ornament themselves. Most shave their whole bodies. Many have a skin regiment. Many purchase tons of make up products, they try to stay up on fashion, pay attention to accessories, have several hair styles, do their nails, have multiple looks to keep things novel, etc

Masculinity does NOT encourage men to ornament. It actually celebrates being hairy, big, laughing at farts, acting cocky, etc.

Well - men tend to be attracted to ornamented women, and guess what?!?! Women like ornamented men. Yet they rarelyyyyyyyyyy do it because of what the culture their kind helped to construct, imparts to them.

Go to a dating site and swipe through men, the vast majority look the same. T- shirt, jeans, sports hat & tennis shoes. Wow! So eye grabbing! So interest piquing!..... /s

Worse? Because they are encouraged to not share feelings and be succinct - their profiles are the most boring shit. "I like Nascar and football", ya buddy, way to make all the ladies swoon. Cause women are nutorious for liking Nascar? Right?!?!?!?

If men get low turn out its usually because they haven't bothered to even make themselves stand out. They want a woman who is nurturing, kind, communicative, stylish, shapely, etc - but if we dare to want the equivalent we are impossible hypergamous bitches!

Im soooooooo sick of these deluded morons not able to take stock of themselves and do basic reasoning - blaming women for their lack of initiative.

Emma_Lemma_108 · 2020-10-14T20:57:44+00:00

Well, if a bad decision could very realistically result in your death, disfigurement, traumatization, or ruination of your entire life plan, you'd be wise to be picky about that decision right? Over time, that pickiness would become an instinct passed on biologically and through socialization, correct?

But honestly, I feel like the bigger problem these days is that most men aren't picky ENOUGH - many will have sex with or surface-level date someone who isn't really up to their specific standards, a decision which results in emotional pain and turmoil for all involved.

Men's lives can get messed up by a bad relationship, too, and there is occasionally physical danger, but the risk isn't nearly as high for men as it is for women overall. So, naturally, it's both a biological and logical imperative for women to be pickier about mate selection. I'm bi and I've generally been far pickier regarding male partners than female ones simply out of natural inclination. I'd imagine the whole danger/risk level thing plays a large part in that.

reggae-mems · 2020-10-14T18:25:13+00:00

As a woman, im pickier of partners than my male friends bc if i get pregnant by accident, i need to know the guy will step up, or he will not bea dead beat. Also, most of my friends allready fullfill almost anything a boyfriend can do for me, so im hoping a partner isexceptional and adds more to my life than i already have. So yeah, in mycase, my biggest reasonis basically an accidental pregnancy. I dont want kids, but im still to young to afford a surgery and most doctors still decline 20 year old women sterilization surgeries, so i relly on pills and condoms. But on the so called "hypergamy", im not really hypergamous. I pick not the strongest most better looking and richest and tallest chad i can find. My boyfriends haveall been taller than me, since im 159, its not hard for men to betaller. And second, women just want a man to click with. We make our own money, so rich guys are meh. And second, good looks are subjective. What i find hot, not all my friends find it hot too. It varies. Just like some men havedifferent taste in women.

I also think you are better asking this on r/askfeminists or r/twoXchromosomes. More women in here than here

xvszero · 2020-10-14T20:39:34+00:00

I don't know but I'd stop worrying so much about "women" as this big faceless mass, because there are tons of women, and they have all kinds of views and opinions and ways that they go about life.

WestAtmosphere · 2020-10-14T18:48:56+00:00

Picky I think more of concerned.

I know what I bring to the table in a relationship and I’m very affectionate and thoughtful to a partner. But most guys I come in contact with literally only like you majority of time for looks, they don’t do anything to woo you.

I have liked men that are maybe just over minimum wage earners whereas I’m going for my degree. But they literally don’t do anything, I can tell they have attraction for me, but they don’t act on it. Nor do a lot of them seem to know how to form an emotional bond. It’s quite sad. But I don’t believe it’s fair for me to have to fix this. If I’m going to do my best to make a man feel special, and give him pleasure, and also appeal to him why should I settle for a guy who does nothing or the bare minimum.

This is the concern I have and why I’m picky is more of the lack of effort. I’m just not willing to settle anymore it leads to being miserable and causes unnecessary fights.

RedPillDetox · 2020-10-14T22:10:47+00:00

Douglas Kenrick, an evolutionary and social psychologist from Arizona State University, has published 2 studies in which he evaluated the overall criteria that both men and women employ for different levels of involvement (ex: Serious dating, one night stand, marriage...).

In both studies he found a very statistically significative difference in chosiness for one night stands (with women being considerably more choosy for one night stands). For a Sex Buddy relationship, there were both a very significative and a marginally significative difference between genders, depending on the study (again, women being more choosy for sex buddies). For serious dating, there was also mixed evidence, with one study showing a marginally significative difference while another showing no difference in the choosiness of genders. And for marriage neither study found significant differences in choosiness.

The overall conclusion is that men relax their standards immensely for casual relationships as in comparison to women, while for more serious levels of involvement, differences in choosiness are small to none.

The question is therefore not why women are pickier but why men are less picky.

I think that men just overall approach relationships as sex coming first and serious dating being something that happens afterwards. In a man's mind, most women are a prospect because even if it doesn't evolve into a relationship he still had sex, which is nice, i guess. But talk about serious relationships and watch him get a lot more choosy. By contrast, women don't view sex as a nice add on that happens during the formation of a relationship, that alone doesn't fulfill them and they are always thinking about getting serious from the beggining.

Confetticandi · 2020-10-14T22:08:36+00:00

I think women deal with loneliness much better for a variety of reasons and are much more likely to be fine actually “going their own way.” So the lack of desperation makes it easier to be choosy because you don’t feel like you need a relationship to avoid spiraling into self-loathing.

Also, sex is riskier and less likely to be gratifying since it tends to revolve around the man’s orgasm. Being alone with a man is much more physically risky too. So for casual sex, you’re looking at having to remove all your body hair, risk pregnancy and STDs (which women are more susceptible to), risk your physical safety, plus know you will be called a slut and shamed for what you are doing, all for not very high chances of having an orgasm, and the possibility that the encounter might be physically painful instead.

...Or you could just stay at home with unshaven legs and use your vibrator to give yourself 10 orgasms in a row from the safety and comfort of your room.

So, I think a lot of women see relationships as not worth the trouble unless they’re going to be really great.

Also, anecdotally, men have felt emasculated by the revelation that I earn a higher salary than them and so I feel more wary of dating lower-earning men because that shit hurts. I wasn’t the one who cared.

Plus, I do think the problem is also that men aren’t picky enough because of their feelings of desperation due to an inability to be happy single, and societal messaging on what roles women should play in their lives and what women are like. They don’t tend to demand that their partners be as funny, talented, intelligent, or successful. They’re mainly interested in looks and feel far more self conscious about dating a woman seen as less physically attractive than them. That’s also a matter of status, just women’s value (and therefore status) is based on their physical attractiveness instead.

Why? How is that not more shallow than valuing someone for their traits and skills? Why would someone be wrong for considering accomplishments and shouldn’t you be holding those things in higher regard for women?

I think society has created a two-way street of dysfunction here.

rnichellew · 2020-10-14T18:47:20+00:00

My reasons for being picky has changed throughout the years, but lately I have ultimately come to the conclusion that sadly being alone is much more reliable than depending on a partner. I am a workaholic and my work ethic and passion has been my stability. I find that when I meet a guy I like, I change a lot of myself because there are of course going to be things that aren't compatible about us so I tend to compromise on that in hopes to keep them around. Its a bad habit I don't know how to get out of, so I ended up not trying anymore. Its not fair to anyone involved, I truly need to be myself with the person I am committed to, and I haven't found that yet because I am an extremely empathetic person and don't want to offend or neglect someone no matter their personality, and also I work long hours. At the end of the day, there isn't enough time left to take care of myself, and I mean ME, not the me I makeup to not be single. Not that it would be impossible to find that right person for my life, but all the chemistry has to be aligned to know its worth the effort. Its just not worth my emotional derailment to have to put too much effort into something that doesn't fit. Though I have met a lot of great men lately as I have become a professional, I really value our relationships, but I see myself being more successful knowing I'm my own success ticket and not the man I tie myself to.

Edit: I also should note that I don't plan to have kids, which rules out a lot of potential dates for me, which has contributed to my acceptance of likely never getting married. So don't lump me in with all women's opinions, we are all different on our reasons. I support mothers, but I would make a terrible one, and don't want it.

IthacanPenny · 2020-10-15T02:52:09+00:00

Why are women pickier? #metoo. Such a high percentage of women have had some off-putting or harassing or downright scary experience that our pickiness is self-preservational. Men may perceive that the pickiness has to do with the attractiveness of the man (i.e., an attractive man can’t be “creepy”). Maybe that’s true, but women also tend to be more feelings-oriented, and when we get that stomach-turning, creep alert sense, even if maybe that sense is unwarranted in the situation or is unjustly applied to a less attractive man, we tend to go with our gut. It’s not worth turning #metoo into #notmeagain.

camellight123 · 2020-10-15T00:42:46+00:00

In my opinion women are to a degree more picky.

1)cause a lot of men, don't even try to look good, like mental energy spent on such a task is waaay lower compared to women.

2)cause women don't always or ever ogasm during sex, and at one time they probably experienced painful sex or humiliating sex with someone who didn't care about their pleasure. So they are not really desperate for ANY kind of sex, it has to be at least plesant.

3)because if they go out with a lower status man and they do it consistently, they'll be regarded as whores, and loose respect from both men and women, while the other way around men get respect from peers from sleeping with women (unless they are sex workers).

99power · 2020-10-15T04:22:21+00:00

We have more to lose from a bad relationship. With being female in a society shaped by patriarchal male violence, your absolute worst case scenario is getting raped, forcefully impregnated, regularly beaten, ending up destitute with children, or in a ditch. And this all happens way more often than portrayed. You’re telling me that given these circumstances, we shouldn’t be more picky?

Ifeels0sadddd · 2020-10-14T19:56:38+00:00

In all of these pill ideologies, I never understood the dichotomy treatment of all these traits. I always considered the consistent theme in all the ideologies to be black and white thinking. Dichotomies are useful to identify and differentiate, but they are not perfect explanatory tools.

Also, in general, I'm really hesitant to use or believe a lot of these data sets that are thrown around. These generalizations about men and women are really difficult to give a lot of credibility to. Often times if I stroll over to the methodology, you see the seams in a lot of these studies. Not robust and the findings show very weak correlations. A correlation nonetheless, but does existence of a measurement equate meaningfulness of a measurement? For legitimacy, you're only left with metadata which takes all of these studies of varying robustness being treated like real data points to find a narrative and conclusion.

It doesn't matter what the opinion is, if you have it, you can find a study supporting it. If you can't find a study supporting it, you can manipulate your data sets until it does.

All of that nerd talk to basically conclude with this opinion, which is only an opinion as someone who has lurked enthusiastically out of pure curiosity into all these pill worlds. Our attempts to make sense, solidify and homogenize the human experience of dating, love or anything else that feels vulnerable exposes our inherent anxiety about being accepted. Rejection from the tribe is subconscious death for human beings, and we forget that. Our attempts to appropriate our fear of rejection to confident individualism is logical and reasonable. This goes for men and women in the pill ideologies.

Basically neither 1 nor 2 are true in my opinion. I think the data point you used actually means something else. The phrase that similar people find each other doesn't necessarily imply all the volition and intent that "men and women want someone similar to themselves" carries. We still don't know specifically the why, we just know it happens. I think that pickiness is an individual trait and it doesn't express itself uniformly either.

If someone says to me someone else is picky, I would have no idea who that person is still and it doesn't necessarily mean that their behavior is predictable. Considering how multi-faceted and complex people are, I don't think 1. or 2. does an effective or accurate job explaining the why or how. The only people who seem to avoid the pill ideologies all together are people who are fully in the moment, without concern of what they appear to be or how they come across.

If I were to pick which between 1 or 2 is a better way to think, 1 all the way. 1 is not accurate to me, but 2 is completely wrong. 2 treats the population like they're all coded NPCs just looking at each other, sizing each other up. We're not NPCs, we have brains, opinions and feelings. We don't behave perfectly like a simulation model or like data points. Individually, we are not averages, the order goes the other way. They make an average based on what we are currently. So, I think it's much more valuable to treat all of us like a new program that you can't understand without putting forth the effort to learn. That makes a lot more sense to me than attempting to reduce the population into more simple buckets.

blankslate44 · 2020-10-15T17:19:27+00:00

When looking to date someone, there are three questions a person asks: 1) Do they like me? 2) Do I like them? 3) Are we compatible?

Men tend to ask the first question before moving on to the second. Women tend to ask the “second” question before moving on to the first. And the reason is circular: It’s hard for men to get a yes so they will fight tooth and nail to get one before deciding if they even want it in the first place. So women are less likely to say a soft yes when unsure as it may lead to harassment. And then, an enthusiastic yes may lead a man to tell her no, (like are we boyfriend and girlfriend?) because once he knows she likes him, he can consider if he actually likes her. At this time, his pickiness can vary drastically.

As a woman, I’ve had men who DID NOT LIKE ME, obsessively pursue me because I literally gave them the time of day and they needed me to like them. They don’t find me funny, my stories are boring, my achievements are trivial, my opinions are dumb, and they’d have sex with the next women just as quickly as me, but they would be so, so hurt if I behaved like I liked them and then “changed my mind.”

So out of caution, I don’t give a man any encouragement until I have an idea that I actually like him and would like it to go somewhere. Because if you’re begging me for attention when I want to give it, it’s endearing and fun. If I don’t really like you, or only kinda like you? So painful. THEN I start to focus on if he likes me back. This means I’m much more “picky” about what strangers I talk to than guys are in talking to me.

In truth, my personal pickiness comes from how they perceive me more than how I perceive them.

Environmental_Toe516 · 2020-10-18T01:56:23+00:00

They really aren't tbh. There are unbearable women who make it known but they're far and few between

UncensoredUnfltrd · 2020-10-14T21:47:08+00:00

IMO, women are pickier because they can afford to be pickier. They have tons of guys flooding their inboxes daily. Even slightly better than average looking women get told they are gorgeous. Not their fault. If I had so many to choose from, I'd be the same way.

I've also seen where "most women" think that 80% of the men out there aren't attractive. enough. Where "most men" think that 70% of women ARE attractive.

Then there are the dating apps (and this applies to both men and women by the way and is more of an indictment of our culture not of either sex). Remember (those of us 35-ish and up) when you used to meet someone and then as you got to know them you could decide if you wanted to continue progressing things or not? Well, nowadays, you know allllll about someone based on their profile and a pic or three. "He has a dog? I'm a cat person," SWIPE LEFT "Oh, she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle?" SWIPE LEFT

It's all bassackwards.

RedPillDetox · 2020-10-15T06:34:45+00:00

Women=good men=bad
This subreddit in a nutshell.

Bluetinfoilhat · 2021-03-21T21:53:43+00:00

Most women aren't picky, men just have zero standards outside of "be pretty" and "be nice to me."

Women here who've said that women are pickier than men: why and how do you think women are picky?

Basics

Super important

Title	Women here who've said that women are pickier than men: why and how do you think women are picky?
Author	OutsideBandicoot3
Upvotes	29
Comments	61
Date	October 14, 2020 6:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/jb65y8/women_here_whove_said_that_women_are_pickier_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-here-whove-said-that-women-are-pickier-than.320633 https://theredarchive.com/post/320633