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sparkles_goldentail
[–]diadiaaFDS Newbie79 points80 points81 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
lol the second point is my biggest issue :’))) there’ll be like 38743828 red flags but i’ll still fantasize about what could be based on his single good trait
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie[S] 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol the second point is the reason I no longer can open up to anything romantic ! Kept focusing on the potential and not on the red flags and ended up getting my heart broken beyond repair. I wish humans came with a user manual lol🤣🤣
[–]prettyexcitingnewsFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same 🥺 gotta work on that..
[–]CapableLetterheadFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The second point has a lot of different meaning though. When I got with my partner he had a lot of potential as he was very smart and hard working but didn't have much idea of what he could do with it. He's been very successful since he found IT and I encouraged him to drop is old job and go for it.
I don't believe in the potential for a relationship though, if it's not good from the start then it'll never be good. Never believe the lies that they love you if they can't treat you well. They might even believe they love you but don't accept that in replacement of being treated what you're worth.
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used to accept red flags like I was being handed red roses 🙄
[–]needsomecoffeefirstFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. Paying more attention to actions, behaviors rather than words or promises is essential. You'll avoid so much headaches.
[–]Nifteroni-and-CheeseFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
”Don’t fall in love with potential”
That hit me hard, I wish someone had told me this a few years ago, would have saved me a lot of heartbreak...
[–]backforbeskarFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I would add a 6th one. Believe actions, not words
[–]soxychamp34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s not that different from believe patterns not apologies
[–]babyanchxr20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
totally agree! my ex used to go on and on about how important communication was and how I should always come to him with an issue as soon as it becomes an issue bc he knew if I didn’t I’d overthink it to death and blow up about it.
but every time I did come to him with an issue, he’d immediately get defensive, lash out and then give me the silent treatment for a day or so (which is fucked when we talked all day every day) claiming he needed space to “process this”. he did this once when I said it felt like he wasn’t making any effort to see me/be available for me to come see him after I finished uni and when I told him it felt like I was being punished he blew up at me for “not giving him any time” (it had been 6 hours)
by the time the relationship ended I was too anxious about that happening again to tell him anything so I went back to just overthinking things all the time and I was completely miserable.
if his actions don’t match his words them it’s game over, boy bye 👋🏻
[–]seraquesera8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
MY GOD I could have written this. I’m still with him, but I find myself wanting to communicate less and less, because somehow I end up apologizing to him once he gets all moody and defensive! Glad you got out.
[–]holobunniFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My ex did this exactly. In the beginning he wanted me to tell him any problems I had and he would say sweet things and try to help and I told him I wanted to do the same for him when/if he had any problems. Then he started getting dramatic whenever I brought a problem to him, especially if it was something we already talked about that he wasn't working on. Before we broke up he started citing all the problems he had with me that he never told me about and I was just like "wtf how do you expect me to work on any of this if you don't tell me???" In the end what it broke down to was he wanted someone who was attractive that he could fuck and would be his mommy but otherwise not care about what he said or did. This is why we date men, not boys.
[–]throwmeupandacrossFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had the same thought process!! "wtf how do you expect me to work on any of this if you don't tell me???" like a relationship is a two-way street, if you don't want to walk side by side I'm not chasing you.
[–]juniperyogi4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This hits so close to home... and they wonder why we spiral...
[–]Waldtochter7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good advice for your career, too.
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been disappointed so many times that I’m not even impressed by potential anymore.
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel you !! I don’t focus on what can be but rather what is happening in the now! I’m so quick to walk away the second something is off.. I will never allow another man to waste my time ever again. Got burnt once and learnt my lesson
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup!!! Always be ready to choose yourself. I’m just happy that I’ve learned all of this before my first committed relationship. I’m trying to equip myself with as much knowledge as I can. Good for you and good luck !
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this so much. As a recovering pickmeisha...i literally was guilty of ALL of the above. My parents always hammered those topics into me, but I never listened to them.
[–]amrle794 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good god my history is all five. But I, sadly, see the potential most of all. Got to change this shit
[–]beccylinaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuckkk this is so ON POINT, thank you!
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep your head, standards and heels high!
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[–]diadiaaFDS Newbie79 points80 points81 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie[S] 37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]prettyexcitingnewsFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CapableLetterheadFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]needsomecoffeefirstFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Nifteroni-and-CheeseFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]backforbeskarFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]soxychamp34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]babyanchxr20 points21 points22 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]seraquesera8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]holobunniFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwmeupandacrossFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]juniperyogi4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Waldtochter7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]amrle794 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beccylinaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link