Growing up in a religious area, I was always taught "abstinence is the best policy" and my tween self would giggle or roll my eyes. Later I started FDS and since moving (which has been about a year) I stopped having sex. I decentered men from my life and started vetting a lot more ruthlessly... and I stopped having sex. There are a lot of key reasons as to why I'm not keen to "put out" anytime soon:
- realizing scrotes are motivated to have sex. I'm motivated to find someone marriage minded and more interested in goals.
-sex became something that I learned to truly enjoy alone. Pleasing yourself tends to curb or even stop that craving from a man. I can satisfy myself and then quickly return to thinking rationally rather than acting foolishly from being horny.
- I built up the relationships I do have with family and friends. Before I would feel lonely and be more tempted to use OLD or settle for low effort "hangouts" (coffee, etc) but now when I do want to chat or hang I just do that with my friends and family.
-I started going more places alone. Taking myself on dates. Buying myself nicer things. More self care as well. I feel more confident and loved. It's nice to enjoy the peace and really take your time exploring an attraction or really take your time shopping.
- health concerns, I not only got my own insurance over the past year but I also had some issues come up. Plus moving and having to find and try to get appointments with new doctors was a headache. Plus the cost of it all. It's a lot to keep on top of. Do scrotes even care that we have to get check ups and manage birth control and std tests or even dealing with bv/throwing off our pH is just extra time and money and effort then I have to put out to get taken care of... just because of their dirty dicks? I have enough on my plate. I don't need to deal with a yeast infection atop that.
-the orgasm gap. I was always in denial of this before fds. Sex would feel okay or sort of good but never came close to the pleasure I can give myself. So many men are awful and selfish in bed.
-thinking about the value of substance in a relationship. What would happen if I was with a man and I became seriously injured or unable to have sex? What happens if I get really sick and don't have the energy for it? What happens when I become old and feeble and can't do it anymore?
-vulnerability: you're so vulnerable when you're alone and naked with a man. Think about it. He's usually bigger and stronger than you and he's gonna be on top of you. Massive safety issue. But also what if he has hidden cameras filming? What if everything seems okay and now he's turns into a stalker?
-the reality of biology: you're the one that's at risk to get pregnant. You're also the one who is biologically designed to release bonding hormones after having sex that makes you feel attached to him. That's why women can't do "fwb" because you do get attached, some just don't show it or will lie.
-it cheapens yourself and women as a whole: by doing casual sex you're showing these scrotes they can get pussy for free or very low effort and use you. It perpetuates that they see women as an object.
Let's also talk about the effort that happens with protection: you have to go out and buy it or make a dr appointment to get it. Certain contraceptives have side effects that are awful. It's also money you're spending. Even if he has condoms you should be worrying if they're old, tampered with, is he even putting it on correctly, or is he gonna stealth you? Plan B is an easy $50 you'll have to shell out if you're worried afterwards and stores close early now. Plus it can have intense side effects. Oh, and if you do get pregnant it's even harder to get an abortion in some states. Look at Texas for example.
Abstinence takes back my power until a man can step up and prove to be worth all these considerations.
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