Am I being ungrateful?

Winter_Inevitable · 2020-01-06T21:48:24+00:00

were you on the verge of leaving him, and he whipped this out a week later?

Silky_Goldfish · 2020-01-06T23:02:23+00:00

Honestly, I don't think the ring is that big of a deal, but that's probably because I personally don't really care for jewellery.

However, your comments make your relationship look quite problematic. This whole you cheated, he keeps bringing it up to make you feel guilty, you giving him an ultimatum to propose thing sounds really alarming. You've got bigger problems than the type of stone in your ring.

gursky0 · 2020-01-06T20:36:38+00:00

I don't think you're being ungrateful. You said you wanted gold and he didn't listen; 14k gold isn't exactly expensive. He knows you love precious gemstones; he could have gotten you an unconventional engagement ring with an emerald or something, or a smaller diamond. But he thinks it's a real diamond (you said you haven't told him it isn't so it's not like he's disbelieving you) so I can understand that mistake. BUT only $60 for an engagement ring?? I think of an affordable engagement ring as a few hundred dollars. Is that all he can afford to spend, or all he's choosing to spend?

Also, why didn't he wait to save up to propose with a proper ring?

drragonbones · 2020-01-06T21:32:29+00:00

Is he actively doing anything to improve his situation so he doesn't need to spend what I'd spend on takeout on your engagement ring? Is he in masses of debt? Do you need THAT in your life?

nruthh · 2020-01-07T00:33:29+00:00

You told him you wanted gold, and he got you silver. That's the bigger issue IMO, because simulated diamonds are a far more ethical way to get diamonds (lab-created diamonds are real diamonds, but I don't know if that's the same as simulated tbh).

I'm also a gemstone person. I love rubies, emeralds, all toned sapphires, and I also want gold. If my dude gave me a sterling silver ring I'd be pissed. Gold isn't that expensive. You told him you wanted gold. He just had the thought in his head "ring. Girl wants ring. What is ring?" and didn't consider what you wanted.

If he's otherwise an attentive and good boyfriend, just talk to him. Be gentle, but frank that he hurt your feelings by not listening to your metal choice. Again, the simulated diamond thing I don't actually think is that big of a deal and by focusing on that you might make him feel like you're mad it wasn't an expensive ring, which you've made clear here is not your issue with the ring. So my advice is to focus on the fact that he blew off your preferences in favor of a generic "ring for fiance," and not "ring for the woman I love."

randomgirlimok · 2020-01-07T04:21:16+00:00

You’ll be the one paying for your own ring if you do this. Ex got a loan for mine, and when we were married, guess who was paying the $250 mo payment for it? Me.

Edit- if he can’t afford no more than $60 then he has to business marrying anyone. He can’t even provide for himself now, much less a family and children.

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-06T21:42:11+00:00

I'm sorry, I would dump a man for proposing to me with a fake diamond in a silver ring. This is ridiculous. If he can't buy you more than a $50 ring then obviously he doesn't have the money to get married at all. I can't believe he has so little respect for you.

LadyHormoneMonster · 2020-01-07T04:20:29+00:00

OP, let’s get real and put things in perspective. Which gaming console does your 30 yo bf currently own, and how many games are in the media stand? Tell me a few of the titles too, and how many were purchased this year.

Bonus points: If you tell us what you got him for Xmas vs your ring.

SureEmployment4 · 2020-01-06T21:55:28+00:00

Just because you aren’t doing well financially doesn’t mean you should accept a man that is in the same position. You can do bad all by yourself honey. I would leave him and work on yourself. You’re worried about a ring when you’re in financial ruins. The ring, this man should NOT be your priority right now.

sweatydeath · 2020-01-06T22:16:46+00:00

But I should add that he did say its only a temporary ring (were not rich) and he's going to save up and he will upgrade and get a better ring for me at a future date, because I did tell him that I wanted gold but he got silver anyway and I immediately brought that up, so Ive already complained about the ring once to him as it is..

IDK why he didn't just wait to give you the ring you wanted. I don't think you're being ungrateful... my BF's sister made her fiance take the ring back. Apparently he had her choose, then changed it on her last-minute (he had to change it back haha). He wasn't pissed about it - he just got the one she wanted.

9penguin · 2020-01-07T08:23:06+00:00

You're huge on crystal and he got you fake diamond? That literally says he doesn't care about what you like. He could've gotten any real crystal that is cheap but he got you a fake diamond and wasn't honest about it. My feeling is he's the kind of guy who will give you the opposite of what you want because he doesn't give a fuck and actually hates to make you happy, I'll be very wary.

quaintlyspoken · 2020-01-06T20:42:33+00:00

Why didn't he save up to get tou a proper ring? Doesn't he have any shame for his actions?

Why didn't he invest the time to learn about jewelry or simply ask a jeweler who could tell him about his purchase?

Why did he get you a ring that is not what you want?

Are you really going to let this be the standard for how he treats you in the future? Half assed engagement, half assed marriage life.

talaxia · 2020-01-06T20:21:50+00:00

wait HE thinks it's real?? I'm confused.

also if it's just a promise ring AND you are otherwise happy about the proposal I vote give the guy a break

teeteereads · 2020-01-06T23:49:14+00:00

How much research did he do for the ring?

mango_pecan · 2020-01-07T02:38:54+00:00

I don’t think you are being ungrateful. Just tell him want a real gemstone. You will be the one wearing the ring so your opinions on this issue is the most important one

SaddleUpBucephalus · 2020-01-06T20:17:47+00:00

If it's a promise ring I don't see why it matters, he's going to upgrade anyways? I say you two should look for rings together.

Also I'm a little confused, are you now engaged or not? I thought promise rings were for teens who planned to marry their HS sweetheart in a few years?

sweatydeath · 2020-01-07T21:19:52+00:00

Seems like you're getting defensive in your responses. I understand that your man couldn't get you anything other than fake diamond $60 engagement ring because it was Christmas time so everything was sold out. That's fine, but giving a man the ultimatum deviates from the FDS ideology (https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/ideology). Your flair has been updated to 'At-Risk Pick Me Youth'

RoundTwoElectric · 2020-01-07T00:43:53+00:00

I could be wrong but I think this just means a lab-grown diamond. So still a diamond, just not a natural one. He might have not known the difference, so it’s worth asking him something to try and work out why he went for that one

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-07T03:18:19+00:00

I'll take what is probably the unpopular opinion.

He said it's a placeholder ring until he can afford what you want. Unless your history with him leads you to believe that's bullshit, I'd believe him. If he's a good man and a thoughtful partner, his jewelry picking skills aren't paramount. The right mindset is "I love this ring because he chose it for me all on his own." Just my humble opinion.

Title	Am I being ungrateful?
Author	SmashleyX2
Upvotes	0
Comments	78
Date	January 6, 2020 8:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ekzksn/am_i_being_ungrateful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-being-ungrateful.685429 https://theredarchive.com/post/685429