Any career-focused ladies have dating advice?

plomerst · 2021-11-08T02:31:38+00:00

I have a doctorate degree as well. A few years ago I had a convo with now former male friends about whether my job title/degrees “intimidate” men. These guys were all equally educated and they said that it would just make them think “I can’t easily fool this one.” So, think of it as a shield from likely crappy men. Because I think a man that is equally as accomplished/successful would not have an issue with your degrees, he would likely be impressed.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-11-08T01:55:20+00:00

Only thing I can say is never feel bad for one second for your achievements and success. We only get one life, and it’s short, so go for all your achievements and celebrate them. The men who can’t handle that can show themselves the door.

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-11-08T01:23:24+00:00

An HVM will not feel threatened by your academic accomplishments. Trash always takes itself out

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-11-08T05:25:43+00:00

I have success stories! In my program, most of the women have great partners who moved to be with them during PhD, and who nurture and care for them. These guys are highly successful. They’re either teachers, VC finance dudes, big media writers, etc.

My best friend put it this way: You’re the other 1%. There’s billionaires, and there’s you! Of course LVM would be turned off and intimidated. But this is a great way to save your time. Most of these guys are probably not intellectually at your level.

alpinepunch2021 · 2021-11-08T05:22:59+00:00

I actually don't think I could date a guy who was less educated than me. That does mean getting a PhD restricts your dating pool, but just as dating someone who makes way less than you is generally seen as dating below your league I don't see why education's really any different.

fancy_tetrahedron · 2021-11-08T01:35:43+00:00

If he feels intimidated by it, he's not worth your time. He knows that you're doing well on your own and can't make you financially dependent on him and turn you into a bangmaid.

Also beware of gold diggers, if he's too enthusiastic he's probably looking for a sugar mommy to leech off of and/or wants a trophy to show off to his friends and family.

I'm in neuroscience, and all it takes is for me to start talking about the cool stuff I'm studying, and their fragile little egoes shatter immediately, it's adorable to watch.

On the other hand, I've noticed guys in other science fields aren't intimidated at all and are curious to learn even more. So definitely stick to well educated men.

Not that they're perfect, a lot of them have a superiority complex, but you're more likely to find a hvm who won't be intimidated if he's also well educated like yourself.

bookworm1896 · 2021-11-08T08:16:35+00:00

I have no advice, but there are men out there who have no problems with an accomplished woman. My husband and I met at university and he always supported me with my studies and my career. Even though I have a higher degree and by now earn more money than him.

Never put up with a man who takes you down for your work, your achievements, etc. Look for someone who is proud for you, defends you (because there will be people criticizing you for your work) and who will support you in the future. It's important that he won't expect you to step down from your career later on.

finance_lady · 2021-11-08T01:11:52+00:00

I have no advice really but I have an MBA/career track employment and have the same issue. So I think we just need to keep holding out for a man who loves our education/career instead of feeling “less manly” over it. If they have to neg, they’re insecure and not worth the time of day 💯

Eli1984 · 2021-11-08T09:57:30+00:00

No direct advice sorry, just my own story if you want. I'm working as project manager for my company for many years now. Two years ago I got a new worker into my team who was supposed to work for me and help me get my project forward.

Not only did he do a very good job, he came to me for advice and he made me look good in front of my boss. His work ethic and how he talked to me and other coworkers made me first look at him and I started to talk to him more often. After a few weeks we slowly started to talk about private things here and there and we realized we had a lot in common.

A few more weeks later he asked me, if I wanted to go on a date with him. He made the reservation at a nice Italien restaurant and offered to drive me. When I declined he just accepted it. At the day of the date it was raining heavily and he knew I wanted to take the bus. He again offered to get me but was absolutely okay when I said no thanks again.

Dinner was lovely, we had very much to talk, he asked me a lot and also told me a lot about his life. We also talked about children because I'm very very childfree and a man that wants kids is an absolut nogo for me.

On the next day we talked again and he expressed that he had a wonderful time and wanted to see me again and so we made time for a second date a few days later. The fifth or sixth date I invited him to my house because I wanted to cook with him. He made it clear from the start that he would drive home after dinner because it was too soon for him to spend the night and so he did.

Ever since our first date he treats me with respect, he cares for me, he bends over backwards to help me when I'm sick (I have endometriosis and on some days I can't get out of bed) and it's the little things he does for me that show me that he loves me.

Thanks to covid we moved in together after 6month of dating (while this worked for us perfectly I would not recommend that for everyone) and he asked me to marry him after 18 month because "I can't stand the idea of not being together with you for the rest of my life and I look forward to it every day"

We get married in February next year 2.5 years after our first date. He is no longer working in my team because we prefer it that way, but he still is doing a very good job and asks me for my advice because he is not jealous of my career, he is proud to have me as his future wife.

Sorry for the long text.... Wasn't planed 😅😅 What I wanted to say with many words... Keep looking for the man who looks at you and is proud for what you achieved and don't think twice about jealous little jerks.

Much love ❤️❤️

AnniaT · 2021-11-08T12:48:52+00:00

Men who can't handle your success don't deserve your time anyways. I'd also suggest dating men that are not under you academically or career wise (hypergamy). There will of course be highly accomplished LVM that will still threaten of course but you don't want them anyways and those are eliminated through veting.

myeggsarebig · 2021-11-08T18:34:01+00:00

My ex husband married me knowing I wanted my PhD, he supported me while I was trying, engaged in my work, read my papers, etc. , and now he’s remarried to a woman who has one.

Both of my sons are committed to educated career-track women :)

They exist!

WinterSolaces · 2021-11-09T04:39:13+00:00

I'm in a STEM field, have my masters and currently working on my PhD. The guy I'm currently seeing is working on his master's in a some what similar field as me. It's only been 6 months and I'm still very much vetting but so far it's been green signs.

Prior to that, a lot of men I've encountered were usually either boring by my standards, or were intimated by my '''success'''. They'd often get moody or depressed because they feel as if they should be 'ahead' of me in success and feel inadequate, verbatim. That usually led to them not speaking to me as much. It never really bothered me much since I'm in the 'if you don't put in 100 I won't even put in 1' kind of stage in my life. So if any men do that, I quickly move on since I never invested in the first place.

My only advice is to show off your career advancements early to scare off those kind of men faster. The less time you waste on them, the better. It was why/how I met my current bf. He wasn't intimated but in fact got more interested and it's been a fun ride since.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-11-08T17:27:58+00:00

Honestly you’ll have to sort through the trash but you’ll find someone who is happy to witness your accomplishments and wants a career-oriented woman.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2021-11-12T13:47:42+00:00

If he ends up making you miss school or work because of crying fights, or argues with you until you’re in distress, 🌟 DUMP HIM ⭐️

Some insecure men will say they’re secure with themselves and you, only to turn around and argue/gaslight with you about some dumb shit just to see you cry.

Begone scrote scum