Ashamed to admit I once fell for this 😖 never again

Many years ago, dated a guy I met on Tinder and our date happened to be on a hot, hot summer day. I felt the streets I walked on were melting, that the soles of my sandals were like glue and I was thirsty and longing for something cold. I was young and stupid back then.

We walked and walked and walked until I could no more. I thought he must be feeling hot as well so I went to the ice cream stand and ordered 2 large icecreams to cool ourselves with.

I thought it was only decent to buy a large for him as well... how would it look, being on a date and I am buying one only to myself? wouldn't that be selfish?

though we were fresh out of school, he lived with his mom cuz he flunked his last year at the university and I just got a decent-paying job as a recent graduate. he knew that I worked and got a salary. the "live with mom" part was told to me later, though. he took the offered icecream and we continued walking aimlessly around town. the thing was, he didn't have any money, did not get a job and thought it normal to be bought stuff from my money. for a bit, I felt like his mom but I felt obliged to empathize because society tells us, women, we should be generous, kind, understanding and patient.

each and every of our date consisted of walking aimlessly through parks and going to free events. one time he miscalculated it and we found out that there was a museum fee. he actually asked me for money in front of all the people waiting in line and I gave him my wallet. I would never forget the looks thrown my way by other girls who were there with their boyfriends and even the cashier made a remark "does he do the same for you?". he paid for the tickets with my money and we visited the museum. I had no excuse because I had a job, right?

society told me to be patient, kind, give people the benefit of the doubt, put myself in their shoes, see their potential (he wanted to become an orthopedist but after he flunked... who knows?) and be, above all, generous. give him a chance and you will be repaid tenfold, right?

we never did anything intimate, we just talked. how could we, when all we did was roam the streets from summer to winter and spring and sit on public benches and go to crowded places? I felt barred from doing much stuff with him because of the money. he finally got a part-time job but still had an excuse: he wanted to pay some stuff he always wanted to get but couldn't because of lack of finances, so of course, there was no money left for dates and such.

He just let me know that he will never "be able to" return the "favour". And I should be cool with that because, at the time, the cool girl was what society approved of!

with time, I grew more and more confused and started feeling uneasy. the communication fizzled out. he was never going to even come close to 50-50. every time we went out, I felt like I had a sugar baby and I was a young, stupid entry-level employee with a salary decent enough to support my rent, amenities and some outings... our dates felt poor and sinister. all the parks, all the streets, all the MacDonalds cafes, all the free-entry public events and free entry concerts and exhibitions... all the one-sided spending... as if this wasn't enough, there was always his nagging and his snark at me: "oh you have money!".

meanwhile, he took driving lessons and probably got to study for his failed med school classes. I didn't know anymore because his plans for the future were always changing.

I ended up feeling limited and with no perspective and I lost any attraction I ever had for him. He always talked about his dreams but he worked part-time in a grocery store and lived with his mom and their cats. He always justified missed opportunities and blamed others for his lack of success.

He wasn't a bad guy, though, he just wasn't good for me. Six months in and I had to leave the town for something urgent. His birthday came and went. I wished him a happy birthday, then the Easter hols came up and he didn't as much send me a Happy Easter message. In my stupid young mind, I bought him a present and as soon as I was back in town I wanted to give it to him. I looked up at my messaging history and it seemed that lately, all the messages and outings were initiated by me.

Then, I simply stopped. I realized that the relationship with a broke ass man would never even come close to a 50-50. I felt like I was paying him to go out with me and he wasn't even good company. I swear, this was the first "friendship" with a man that just fizzled out and ended in ghosting.

So no, they show you who they really are at their worst, if you don't like that, run away, don't hope things will turn better or that they'll change. with 60 bucks in their pocket, they'll just spend it on themselves because you handled it pretty well when they were broke and why shouldn't you continue, eh?

sorry for the long-ass comment. I just felt like there is a lesson in there somewhere useful to one of us here.