Be Happy for Yourself

tmb-2019 · 2021-01-13T05:08:36+00:00

I think this is a bit daunting on its own, but it does serve an excellent point to why FDS works in life. First, we set boundaries and expectations for ourselves.

Next, we get on the path to achieving our goals in terms of career, personal hobbies, enrichment, and good caring friendships etc.

then, once we are in a stable place, we begin seriously dating and only entertaining people who bring value to our lives and seriously care for us just as much as we care for them. If a HVP comes along it’s great, but if not then it’s also fine.

Hopefully, all the lovely women here never wake up realizing their partner does not care for them in the same way they do, but if they do, then hopefully FDS has prepared them to make a swift exit from the soul-sucking relationship.

weekend111 · 2021-01-13T05:13:15+00:00

I’ve found that being more withholding works in non romantic relationships too. My family respects me way more now that they know I will speak up and if they dare raise their hand to me I’m gonna pick my phone and call the damn police (didn’t actually call, but the threat showed I meant business).

Back when I tried everything to please them, they treated me with nothing but contempt.

2021-01-13T05:51:42+00:00

Perfectly worded. I completely agree with this. In my general observation, I find women to be more compassionate, generous , and nurturing than men. Women really go out of their way to care for their family. I mean look at out mother's ,they lose their minds when we don't have a proper meal at the right time but you rarely ever see your dad's caring about whether or not you ate lunch. Women really bend over backwards to make their partners happy but I don't see a lot of men do that.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2021-01-13T14:19:32+00:00

I grew up with a father who, every time he left the house, returned with something for me and my mother. That could be money, cookies, dinner, flowers, a t-shirt, suckers from the bank, but something. And it wasn’t a big deal that he wanted praise for. He’d just knock on my door and toss me my favorite soda or a silly t-shirt and go back to living his life. He’d get my mom’s work stuff ready without her asking by lining up everything she needed so she could get extra sleep. He’d also go fill up her gas tank so she never had to touch a pump. Just examples of the near constant doting he did on us throughout my life.

Now, my husband does the same. He brings me charcuterie boards if I’m working late in my home office or will cut me up my favorite fruit if I’m having a zoom movie night with my girls. He makes special trips out of the house even though he works from home exclusively now and returns with my favorite fresh flowers for every room I spend time in and my favorite drink from Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts just because.

There are nurturing men out there, but they have to have been raised well and not had the misogynistic drivel of believing that a woman is a slave piped down their gullets since birth. A HVM will listen to your love languages and be compatible in his love languages so that you can fluently speak each other’s language. My love language is receiving gifts (never once been called a gold digger by him or his family), his is quality time and giving acts of service, just like my dad. And I am somewhat hesitant to say this, but I think that if a man’s primary love language is receiving acts of service, that’s a red flag. Men don’t think of it like we do; they think it means waiting on them hand and foot like a servant on top of “servicing” them sexually. 🤮

RavenAva · 2021-01-13T05:56:02+00:00

Oof. Too true! This is something I have had an issue with in all my relationships- I want to give and I like giving. Even when it ends up hurting me, it is more effort to withhold because I was raised to be selfless and ignore my own needs and desires.

blair2006 · 2021-01-13T05:14:39+00:00

also who remembers babycrawlingveryfast from tumblr? She spoke pure gold

Fearlessfell · 2021-01-13T17:42:41+00:00

This is what I’ve learned this year.

We say we do it for happiness but if we’re being honest we do it for the validation we think they will give us, otherwise we wouldn’t be resentful. We need to stop with the breaking off an arm and leg and giving it to men.

When we are in a truly loving relationship.. is when we spread this type of love freely, knowing it will grow the collective love present already.

wrice05 · 2021-01-13T13:51:38+00:00

This is SO true

Title	Be Happy for Yourself
Author	blair2006
Upvotes	326
Comments	11
Date	January 13, 2021 4:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kw9f5d/be_happy_for_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/be-happy-for-yourself.735148 https://theredarchive.com/post/735148