Blood in the water: a custom made tactic

W3remaid · 2021-06-20T21:32:05+00:00

Lmao I’ve done this in the past sort of— jokingly hinting that I was insecure about my weight (I am not), and wow, what a coincidence— suddenly the fat jokes started happening! It was actually just funny to me to see how pathetically gleeful he looked at (what he thought) was a hurtful statement.

nebsemi · 2021-06-20T19:42:30+00:00

This is brilliant! Could you give us more examples? I will probably have a hard time creating a blood drop that won't feel fake.

True-Audience-8258 · 2021-06-20T20:18:47+00:00

This is like the most revelatory piece of advice I’ve read on here. It’s really sad how many men will jump at the opportunity to tear us down or exploit our insecurities when they claim to “love” us. When a super similar negging situation happened a year into my last relationship after I revealed I was having conflict with a friend, it was crushing. If I had used this strategy, it could have saved me so much time.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-06-20T22:36:24+00:00

Omg, I have my middle toe shorter than others, it's not bothering me, it's just funny, but when I told my ex, he would totally neg me. I did it without knowing what I did.

nom-de-plume_12 · 2021-06-20T22:46:07+00:00

I have got junk in the trunk (46 inches) but I wasn’t insecure because of it. He obviously stared at girls with huge tits(not that mine are small, got C cups on me). Suddenly his “type” became women with overtly huge boobs and small bum.

Sireyn · 2021-06-20T20:18:57+00:00

Would you mind sharing what his neg was? This sounds like a fascinating tactic, I'm just trying to suss out how to pick up on a particularly clever and covert neg.

arnezuara · 2021-06-21T08:28:07+00:00

I believe that once, I shared to my LVX that the guy I was seeing before him was not into me because I did not fit his “type”. That guy’s type was a blonde, blue-eyed woman — I am the opposite. I remember how much it’s hurt me.

Even before I started dating my LVX, I thought that his type was someone more like myself. Although he agreed that he finds me attractive and “none of his exes look the same”, he also shared that the women he’s more attracted to are blonde.

On multiple occasions, he would “joke” about getting with a blonde, tall woman (one of his big-love exes was light-haired & fit the type). I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. He once compared his ex to her twin sister who had my complexion and pointed out that his ex was obviously “prettier”.

I’m so so upset with myself that I gave him a chance in the first place. Next time I want to test them, I’ll say my insecurity is my paleness.

Edit: for more clarity. I agree with this method!

fogplum · 2021-06-21T17:40:05+00:00

This is genius. I might try saying I'm insecure about my small boobs, which I'm not at all, because it's a classic. In fact an ex subtly negged me about my small boobs in relation to my big butt, when I'd never expressed any insecurity about it, and he had told me he was an "ass man".

I also know I have a habit of brushing off and barely noticing insulting comments (from men and "friends" alike) because I don't really care/don't feel insecure about the topic of the comment. So intentionally testing for this behavior is a great idea.

proudpine · 2021-06-20T19:09:38+00:00

This is a brilliant idea 🤯

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-06-20T22:16:29+00:00

Using this, please provide examples of false blood though!

Muffcakelord · 2021-06-23T14:26:29+00:00

This is honestly groundbreaking since it proves that it's not in your head, it's a strategically observed and picked strategy abusers use and they pick their theme according to the info you give.

People love to say it's your fault for being insecure since that means your perception gets biased but the fact that this strategy works put all of those bullshit excuses in the grave for good. Thanks so much for sharing!

Sheravenous · 2021-07-11T15:31:37+00:00

This is fantastic!

I think I have a really good example of a boundary Drop (OP or anyone else, please feel free to tell me if I'm off base)!

Years ago, I was wasting my time with a NVM. All we would do was watch Netflix (at my place, of course🙄). I love tv & movies so it didn't bother me too much. But I'm veryparticular about what I watch. There are plenty of shows/movies that I've never seen for reasons as small as I don't like the actor(s) to bigger reasons like the premise is offensive.

Now, I would usually be down for his suggestions but there was 1 movie that I refused to watch. I didn't give him a reason why (the reason was the very problematic way it depicted a mental illness that runs in my family) I didn't want to watch it. He chose something else...

But every single time we watched Netflix after that day, he would try to convince me to watch it, begging, barganing, even arguing with me. One time he put the movie on and hid the remote, then tried to bar me from leaving the room.

This boundary may have seemed silly or irrational to him but he didn't respect me enough to accept it. Not long after, he sexually assaulted me. I specifically told him that I didn't want to do something and he did it against my will.

That silly movie boundary was unknowningly a Blood in the water test that he failed. Had I been paying attention, I would have ended things then & there.

All this to say, it can be the smallest of things that give you insight if you're willing to really look.

judyfoody · 2021-06-21T01:48:11+00:00

Love this idea! Did you post this before? That user deleted their account.

They have more examples here if anyone is interested! (:

The "Blood in the Water" Test

Edit: just realized you said you applied the tactic. Never mind!

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-06-20T22:00:00+00:00

Oh my goodness. I am going to say I am insecure of my skin (I am not, I take good care of it thank God) but it's the ONE thing I know for a fact is healthy and good. So if I get negged for it, that's on him.

Why must people neg anyways? It makes me want to leave the room and then consequently leave them.

eveloe · 2021-06-21T05:56:33+00:00

Would you be able to link the original blood in the water post in your edit? It might add to the reading experience of other women.

Link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ixvzzo/the_blood_in_the_water_test/

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-06-26T18:40:52+00:00

My ex unwillingly taught me this tactic. Young and naive me told him my insecurities and for the next 15 years he used them to hurt me on purpose. That pos tried to bring me down to his level by nagging, humiliating and embarrassing me.

I grew a thick skin and became wiser. Now I hide my insecurities from everyone except very few awesome girlfriends and use fake ones to probe new people in my life for their inclination to use them against me.

And now I have a real term for this, yey!

BelleCervelle · 2021-06-22T07:04:19+00:00

Wow this is a life-changing strategy.

Now I just have to think of a false insecurity that would make a perfect test that I’d pick up on...

catlady4u · 2021-06-24T20:11:48+00:00

I'm fairly tall, have no issue with it, and I can use 'being too tall' as a fake insecurity. I am so happy I read this post. I wish I had read it years ago.

secularwitch · 2021-06-26T18:24:02+00:00

THIS. This should be on handbook. Let's brainstorm a bit more to have more examples:

-Finger nails. They used to break so often and I felt so insecure about it. Now they still break but not as much so I don't care. Although if that's brought to my attention, I'd notice.

-Hair being too curly/too straight. We've all been there. If you have beautiful curls, I bet you hated them in highschool but now you love them. I have straight hair and I HATED it, I used to try many things to curl them up. Now I find it fashionable just the way it is.

-Frackles. They are amazing now imo. But once they were a reason to be bullied in primary school.

-Tattoos. The one you felt so bad after you got it but now you like it and feel connected to it.

-Your shoe size. If that makes sense for some of you.

Tell me more of your examples please!

dragon_wolf4 · 2021-07-11T18:43:13+00:00

This is gold. Thank you for this information!!

Altowhovian93 · 2021-06-20T22:38:55+00:00

The problem is if later on, if this guy stick around, you have told him several lies as a test. Most people don’t like being lied to. Vetting should be done naturally, not thru overly set up situations based on lies that you have to keep track of later. I’m not a fan of this approach.