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AcadiaLeather5071
[–]jasminekisses4u 557 points558 points559 points 2 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly what my mom told me. Honestly when I didn’t follow that advice I realized that guys really do say a million sweet things just to get something out of you and then abandon you. It’s absolutely horrendous idk if I’ll ever want to trust them again.
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 292 points293 points294 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Totally. I thought that outright abuse would be obvious to spot. Didn’t realize that men will lie TO THEMSELVES in order to better lie to me. Anything to justify their own self serving perspective behaviour
[–]CandidKickFDS Newbie 127 points128 points129 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Seriously. I thought it would easy to spot their lies and manipulations. Then I reached layer after layer until I realized that the depths they’ll go to in order to trick us is just. . .we deserve better.
[–]GoldandGlowingFDS Apprentice 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Didn’t realize that men will lie TO THEMSELVES in order to better lie to me.
THAT PART 😩
[–]M0nochromeRainbow 132 points133 points134 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so gut wrenching. Especially when they try to gaslight you into believing that they're a good guy, despite showing the absolute opposite once they get what they want from you. The switch in demeanour is terrifying and obvious.
Words don't mean anything. Action is the only thing that really shows something and on top of that is consistency.
[–]LucysFakeTitsFDS Newbie 236 points237 points238 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My mom less eloquently always told me, "Men will stick it in anything." I didn't take that to heart and understand what that truly meant and implied until my late 20s. I hope I can be a better example and show my girls you don't takes some man's stupid shit just because he exists. He isn't entitled to anything from you and if he's mad at you about not doing what he wants then he didn't like you much to begin with. I spent my late teens and early 20s wondering why having casual no strings attached sex didn't make the guy want to be with me when I had a lot of feelings for him I had to hide because I didn't want to be seen as clingy. I gave so much of myself away to prove to myself that men found me attractive and I was desirable. I thought that's were my worth came from. I'm 28 and just now learning how to actually have sex instead of getting fucked until the man is done, which is what I've done since I became sexually active at 13. I wish people wouldn't shame girls for not wanting rough porn imitation sex or not liking porn period. I want to make love. Young Pickme cringed at the term making love, mature me understands what it actually means. Sex supposed to be very special and intimate. I regret the casual hookup sex I used to have. Not once did I orgasm from some random man poking his penis into me. Not once did any of them turn into prince chamring and treat me like a princess. Just a piece of meat to hump.
[–]M1netteFDS Apprentice 218 points219 points220 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I made exactly the same experiences and I am sick of it. Lets make them wait and beg for sex, the way they make us wait and beg for marriage.
[–]Dexaroo5716FDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes mam
[–]vee711FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This!
[–]rideoffaloneFDS Newbie 48 points49 points50 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"No one is nicer than a guy who hasn't fucked you yet."
[–]Far_from_deceivedFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This sentence is true.
But lately scrotes are so audacious that they have been mistreating women even before.
[–]jasminekisses4u 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
‘reeee why doesn’t she fuck me’ ‘reeee she would fuck everyone but me’ ‘reee’
Their level of entitlement is astonishing
[–]throwaway88043468FDS Newbie 93 points94 points95 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Aww, always listen to mom. My mother and I butt heads like crazy but I love her so dearly and I love taking her advice! She's always right about these scrotes. I didn't listen to her for years and now I basically ask her for a second opinion on anyone I know 😂
[–]havingababypenguinFDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My husband and I waited 3ish months maybe 4. I highly recommend.
[–]CuntWaffeFDS Newbie 185 points186 points187 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The amount of men that have gotten mad at me because I turned them down for sex gives me an immense joy.
[–]SqueaksScreechFDS Newbie 35 points36 points37 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It makes my little heart happy. I tell people straight up not to touch me. When I turn down flirting people get offended. I'm not here to live other people's fantasy.
[–]she_is_munchkinsFDS Newbie 139 points140 points141 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I love this.
I reached a point last year where I just cut out all my fuck buddies because I was no longer satisfied. I realized that as cool as it was to have sexual options, all those options weren't up to my standard for intimacy. I want a connection during sex, I want emotions and love, I want that trust and intimacy that makes your heart feel full when making love. Yeah the actual act of sex can feel great if he's skilled in bed, but it's just not enough for me anymore. Even though I was calling the shots it felt cheap in some way, and they seemed smug.
So I've turned them all away because I'd rather be celibate than have sex with a man who doesn't love me or adore me. I used to think that the FWS stance against FWBs was a bit harsh. In my mind, as long as I didn't have feelings for any of these men or get emotionally hung up on them I was ok to explore my libfem ways without getting hurt. But I get it now, sex without love and intimacy isn't worth it, even as a woman with a high sex drive. I realized now that what I was craving wasn't just the sex itself, I was (and still am) craving love, intimacy and a deep bond that is expressed physically. So I can wait, I'm happy to wait until I get that full package.
[–]lemonhead2709Throwaway Account 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YES!!! 💪❤️❤️
[–]theterminatressFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I tried casual arrangements a few times long ago, back when you could still meet decent people with OLD and way before the STI problem exploded to where it is now.
I ended up bailing on all of the situations very quickly because the men expected and then started to demand emotional labor. They wanted me to listen to them bitch about their jobs, help them solve their problems, etc. When I told them this wasn’t part of the deal, they got extremely upset and I had to cut them off.
Those long ago experiences were enough for me to decide that “FWB” would be even more of a disaster.
[–]SnugglyyFDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fooled myself into having a lot of bad-to-mediocre sex with attractive men because I too thought that it was harmless way to explore my libfem ways.
Chemistry is a wonderful thing when you find it, reducing yourself to a dudes sentient flashlight because you have chemistry isn’t.
[–]vee711FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
♥️♥️♥️
[–]ButterfliesHurricaneFDS Newbie 309 points310 points311 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Saying no is the only defensive weapon against LVMs. Sex is all they are after for gratification, control or ego boosts. They feel they deserve it and anything is fair game to obtain it (lies, manipulation, future faking, paying, etc). Saying no until we are sure we are not dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothes is the only way.
Over the centuries, we earned the power to say yes and have sex with who we want, sadly men have used that against us to get free sex. With the power to say yes, we also earned the greater power to say no.
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 87 points88 points89 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hear you! My only comment is what I’m sure you already know: We were born with these rights and then conditioned into thinking those rights need to be earned or can be revoked by an authority above our own. I am not the highest moral authority in the universe and I am agnostic, but I certainly don’t believe that Joe Snot professional Clown 🤡 has the insight, authority, or perspective to have a valid opinion on how I stand on the shoulders of women’s rights’ heroes. I represent the culmination of generations of hope and prayer from the women in my family line that some day one of us would have a better life, have opportunities, be free. Joe Snot is just another mouth breather who has more legitimate feelings about Magic the Gathering and video game consoles than any person in his life. Hit would be sheer madness to waste any more of my limited time on people I already know aren’t going to be a match for me.
[–]Jai_KaliThrowaway Account 266 points267 points268 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes! Men looked at women's sudden right and ability to walk away from a bad marriage and turned it into "Wohoo, women's liberation means you can have sex with as many men as you (we) want!" with the aid of liberal feminism. The right to say no was twisted into an obligation to say yes.
[–]barbedwiredaisycrownFDS Newbie 154 points155 points156 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The right to say no was twisted into an obligation to say yes.
Holy fuck yes! Libfem summarized.
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie 35 points36 points37 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women could always have sex with as many men as they wanted. The difference was that men would k.1l1 them or cut them off from economic security so they would be forced into prostitut.10n or destitution through “spinsterhood.”
What men really are saying is, “we will treat you less badly than our forefathers did if you sleep with more men.” And they’re not saying that out of the kind cockles of their icy little hearts. They’re saying that because our foremothers said “NO” and withheld home management and cooking snd child care and (presumably) sex (can’t secks when you’re in prison for being a suffragette). That led some men and women to change the laws. And now - look at them salivating over the magical 18-th birthday - LVM treat us better because they don’t want to go to jail.
They pretend to be motivated by the carrot, but LVM are always only motivated by the stick.
[–]ladoucevie5417 43 points44 points45 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That makes me so mad. “Whoo hoo! Womens Lib!! You can have sex with many men as you want”. Listen, bucko, women can’t just do that! Accidental pregnancies can happen !! A huge health RISK for the woman. Go sit down and be quiet, man!
[–]Guyincognito9876FDS Newbie 489 points490 points491 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
This is why I laugh when men think they’re insulting us with the ‘femcel’ slur. No woman is involuntary celibate, we are the ones with the power to choose, and choosing not to have sex is one of the most empowering decisions I’ve made.
[–]AcadiaLeather5071Ruthless Strategist[S] 291 points292 points293 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lmao they don’t even know what a femcel is. They called a woman with kids and a husband a femcel just because she used FDS lol.
[–]29401 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They looooove using “femcel.” It’s so often paired with “cat lady” and insults about weight/appearance.
I think pre-FDS I would have been really bothered by it. Now I find it pathetic but amusing. They’re projecting their fear of being alone so hard.
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie 128 points129 points130 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
AGREE!
Men think they own you after you’ve had sex with them.
[–]Galileo_SparkFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And not only just after you have sex with them. They can also think they own you and have power over you if they think you are attracted to them in some way. These particular types of dudes are flashy and put a lot of effort into their appearance so they look sharp and get noticed. Nice shoes and outfit. Perfectly styled hair, nice watch and they smell good. They also tend to have flashy cars.
If they see me look their way and know I’ve noticed them, they soak up that validation and act like they’ve “got me” in a sense. They are much more likely to treat me like sh*t and to manipulate me to their own benefit, because they sense they have power over me. I see the way they react and am turned off by it, which causes me to lose interest. Cue him anxiously looking my way again to see if I am still noticing him so his ego gets stroked.
I’ve experienced this so many times that I make sure to hide that I think they or their car looks good. I always end up feeling bad because of how they treat me when I notice. I’m not sure if you know what I mean, but maybe someone else does and can relate.
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I 💯 know what you mean, sis. It’s not just smooth players, either. Those guys come in every culture and sub culture. I was married to a local, could have been a contender, musician. He was also very attractive and cared very much about his (and my!) appearance. Of course he was a classic narcissist, very little was known about this disorder back in the early 1980s.
I could write a book about how stupid I was back then, believe me.
[–]gosamadhiFDS Newbie 71 points72 points73 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. If you advertise yourself as a fem.ceI on Reddit, your inbox will explode within an hour with offers from guys kindly (or not) volunteering to stick their dlcks in you
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 316 points317 points318 points 2 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
As a woman who's always had a high sex drive, I never realised celibacy could be so empowering, I have no plans to break it and it's not something I've found difficult, nor do I feel I'm missing out. I feel great and have no intention or desire to have sex with another person right now. It would take a very special person for me to want to have sex with them and I'm not even sure if that person exists or if they do, if I'll ever meet them and I'm okay with that.
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie 216 points217 points218 points 2 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Same here. I dinb't even expect it but I feel so good and confident knowing that no half assed scrote touched me recently. I used to think I benefited from the sex but this one time I sat down and opened my eyes in all honesty to myself on how their 15 minutes of jackhammering, occasional ED, vulgar remarks, lack of orgasm, treating me like on call sex emergency, or small D, is not really a fulfilling sex life. Turns out I was after an imaginary passionate lover all along, they distracted my drive to great sex with the poorest, loudest sexual activities imaginable. It's been over 10 months of no sex and though I still sometimes long for a mind blowing sex(when in my 'season' haha) I have absolutely no desire to sully myself with a disrespectful, porn fried, vulgar, broken D. I can go like this forever, the sex was usually NOT worth it anyway.
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 173 points174 points175 points 2 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I was mocked by my ex-husband, for wanting passionate sex, he said we're not in some Hollywood film. It seems intimacy and passion is corny and a joke to the onslaught of pornsick men. Passion and intimacy in my mind, is nothing like a Hollywood film. Too many men these days fear intimacy and passion, they mistakenly believe intimacy and passion equates to corny and cheesy fake love in a film, they have some how put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5.
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie 111 points112 points113 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is sooo classic. His Hollywood reference was such a typical exuse. Laugh at us all you want scrotes. I have had cases of amazing sex in my life and those who would laugh at them just can't do sex to begin with. All creativity these porn monkeys are capable of is change pace of jackhammering. The rest of their performance is recreating idiotic and uncomfortable sex positions and reenacting the big bad boys they see in videos. They don't know the hot, steamy and exciting subtleties of real amazing sex, they can only bang their way through intercourse. For them better means faster and harder. It's so pathetic I can't even comprehend it. There are real cases of good hot lovers and they put you all in shame, my lazy scrotes. 😐 👇
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 93 points94 points95 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My ex couldn't jackhammer even if he wanted too (not that I want to be jackhammered), he was so awkward and preferred to lay with his eyes closed, he was all awkward and rigid. He was so ruined by porn, the sex was abissmal and he knew it, I think he was deeply insecure and his digging comments were projection. He obviously tried to make up for his short comings, with offering lots of oral, I think it that was all an effort to restore his damaged ego. It's true what people have said on here about porn ruining men's ability to bond, it's funny the red pill talk about inability to pair bond and dead eyes, they are the ones that have pornsick dead eyes and are unable to bond.
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie 65 points66 points67 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh this sounds awful 🙁 Porn mind is a cancer and men are weak. Dead eyes in a woman usually mean she doesn't want to be here(and I'm not even talking about abuse cases!). I sure wouldn't have sparkly eyes full of enthusiasm during sex with a lame, absent scrote who has to think about porn scenes to even keep going. The guys don't really want to be there during sex either, only they believe they need an assisted jerk off to 'score' as an alphabulsshit stud, they are fucking broken. Totally useless.
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 77 points78 points79 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's true, I recently watched an episode of family guy, where Peter is at a strip club and says it's okay because the strippers are dead inside anyway. It's not that they are dead inside, it's more that they have to dissociate to protect themselves mentally from the situation and the vile men, yes sex work leads to dissociation, depression, anxiety and numbing, but the person is not dead inside, they are suffering the effects of trauma. I would argue the ones that are really dead inside are the consumers of the sex industry, who are able to get off on the trauma of others, they are the ones who lack empathy and dehumanise others.
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This exactly!!
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice 48 points49 points50 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
my ex said similar things re: romance/passion. it'll be a year of celibacy next month and I'm much happier, less stressed, aware, observant and cognizant of my own needs now that I've removed all scrotacity from my life 😝
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 45 points46 points47 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel like lockdown has been a blessing in disguise for many woman, a time of awakening and realisation.
[–]AcadiaLeather5071Ruthless Strategist[S] 88 points89 points90 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I hate this. All I want is intimacy and passion. I’m starting to doubt I’ll ever find anyone like that who doesn’t belittle it and go “ew, you mean like romcoms and romance novels??”
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[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 29 points30 points31 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They are cowards with zero integrity. I can't find cowardly men with no integrity attractive, let alone have sex with them.
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
i used to have a fwb that wouldn't maintain eye contact, would purposely swivel his head when i tried to connect and/or offer affection, and would alienate/dismiss me by pulling up porn on his phone. so i said, "okay" and removed affection completely--stopped looking at him, making sound, stopped doing anything that would remind him that i existed and it was then that he got freaked out by the lack of intimacy. suddenly the sex was "lame because i wasn't there with him."
we're barely above sex dolls to them. if we're lucky, we might even get the luxurious choice of being forever girlfriends, wives in name only or the mother of their children while still being subjected to romance-less lives.
[–]ecloFDS Newbie 53 points54 points55 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel exactly the same and It’s beyond depressing. I mean is it really such a terrible thing to want, sex with someone who is intimate and passionate and sees you as a full human being not an objectified hole to use & discard? And somehow men turns this around onto us as having the problem the absolute audacity.
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 48 points49 points50 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ten years ago I was met with “you’re not kinky enough, it’s not fair to me” I never saw any conversations like the ones we’re having in FDS. Keep this place alive and there will be hope for gen z badasses and beyond
[–]excusemeILYFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is coming from the same people who think porn is real sex and that the actresses are not faking it.
Lol
[–]ShegoGreenFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So it's cheesy to want basic passion, meanwhile wanting your wife to act like a prostitute from PHub (which is incredibly dehumanizing) isn't bad at all. I cannot stand how hypocritical men are.
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I read somewhere once that the more satisfying sex a woman has, the more our drive increases (which makes sense - to be satisfying, a partner would have to know what makes us orgasm and care enough to do it, which means they’re a better bet for a reproductive partner as well, which more sex stands a chance of doing).
The less /less satisfying, the more a woman’s sex drive declines. And our drives are typically cyclical, which means they peak with ovulation and declines to varying degrees the other 25 or so days a month. So it makes sense that celibacy would be fairly easy for women to manage. Interesting stuff.
[–]mandiefavorFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, I also have a high sex drive, and I’m jealous of you. I absolutely have wanted to have sex lately. I miss chemistry. I have never had a problem being alone but I sure wouldn’t mind meeting a guy I like enough to sleep with. Problem is they’re all such jerks! I’ve been on one date in two years now, and he yelled at me the whole time. It was awful.
However, I do greatly enjoy the power of no. It’s funny how many men see me single and assume I must be lonely or desperate and should jump at the chance to be with them. I have literally said to them such things as “nah, I’d rather sleep next to this box of chocolates” or sent back GIFs of women yawning. In fact, the meaner I get, the more they seem to like it. It’s all so stupid and exhausting.
[–]Lazy-Tax3986FDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm at 1.5 years celibate with a very high sex drive, and I wish it wasn't difficult for me. I go through moments where I am PARCHED. All of a sudden, men start looking very attractive and smelling really good. Their white t-shirt/gray sweatpant combo suddenly looks appealing. Their shoulders are broader than I remember, their hairstyle looks more flattering than I recall. But then I remember that I would actually have to go date them and makes me realize that I'm fine where I am.
[–]throaway392882FDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yo I’m in the same exact boat as you with an insanely high sex drive and I finally quit having sex after having been sexually assaulted twice by creeps at age 18. The longest I stopped having sex was 10-11 months and I am on another abstinence streak for 3 months and counting now
[–]yehet420FDS Newbie 65 points66 points67 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is what I have been saying! Due to years of sexual trauma I had extremely poor boundaries for so long. I feel like I have finally taken my power back being celibate. My ex last year was the last person I was intimate with in a while and I honestly don’t miss freely giving my body to LVM. They have to earn it now and it feels amazing to know it’s all up to me and I will never succumb to feeling like I “owe” a man sex due to pressure or doing the bare minimum ever again.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Glad you have found power and healing becoming celibate! It sounds very grounding and strengthening.
Maybe if more women stopped giving their bodies and participating more of us could heal and examine what's been going on in our sex lives.
[–]LunaAmoryFDS Newbie 62 points63 points64 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This. I've learned and affirmed this in my head recently with my new(ish) boyfriend. The fact that he respects my body autonomy and boundaries makes such a world of a difference. It's amazing how good a basic thing like consent can feel after being in a relationship where I quite literally wasn't allowed the choice to do anything.
[–]valleygirl122 34 points35 points36 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
thats wonderful. I'd just take it slow, and be careful and pay attention to signs and seeing who he really is...I was just dating someone like that, that was a self-proclaimed 'feminist', and wants to be so 'woke' (ugh, I know, I know...) but turned out to be a typical porn addict creep, who seemed 'into' many of his friends, and constantly made comments to them which seemed inappropriate, given that he was supposedly in a 'relationship'...and would try to justify and explain away everything by saying "theyre my friends!! its harmless conversation..." etc...til I'd finally had enough, and just couldnt buy his crap anymore.
[–]LunaAmoryFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ohhhh, yes!!! I know that all too well!! Trust me!! But honestly, this guy is literally the complete opposite of who I was dating last in every way. And more often than not, I'm the one he listens to more than he listens to himself. He's humble, kind, and is able to take constructive criticism super well. But I still make sure to set boundaries and make sure he respects them!
[–]betsybassetFDS Newbie 162 points163 points164 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I never once into a man because he's hot, I'm always attracted with his manner, personality and what comes out of his mouth.
Sadly , there's many hot men, and so many so-so looking men, still puts me off once his mouth is open.
Tried the hot boy, sure sex was good, but there's only so much sex i can have. It gets boring quick.
Men are mediocre at best. I'm starting to believe men that actually have real respectful manner towards women don't exist.
Why would they exist when the world is drowning in patriarchy and misogyny.
And they really are the oppressor no matter how 'nice' they seem.
Because, for as long they're not actively policing their male mates, or actively helping women en masse, they're pretty much complicit.
[–]valleygirl122 33 points34 points35 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Men are mediocre at best. I'm starting to believe men that actually have real respectful manner towards women don't exist. Why would they exist when the world is drowning in patriarchy and misogyny. And they really are the oppressor no matter how 'nice' they seem. Because, for as long they're not actively policing their male mates, or actively helping women en masse, they're pretty much complicit.
yep. for the most part, anyway...unless maybe they have a daughter(s), and/or are older...like my dad. :)
but otherwise...yeah. bc even if they seem 'decent' or 'nice' in public...its like what are they like in private...just another demented porn addict?? or a misogynist spewing hate at any woman that dares open her mouth or challenge males, like so many on here??
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even men with daughters are crazy which scares me a lot. Do they know understand that someday someone who’s just like them will (try to) treat their daughter like they treated women as well? Unbelievable
[–]No_Environment9596 54 points55 points56 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then all these dudes come in like "sEe?? FDS iS fEmCeLs!! like....incels are celibate cause no one will fuck them and they wanna have a pity party about it. Us choosing celibacy as a form of protection when we damn well could get dick by just walking out our front doors. Its not the same in the slightest. I think the idea of a celibate woman in any form scares men, when we decide to say no and keep saying no, they dont have any room to gain.
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 50 points51 points52 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is the real deal. Men feel entitled to “understand” before conceding this. If they “don’t understand”, if it “doesn’t make sense” to them and their sensibilities, they negate it. Or... they try to anyways. When we have a place to talk with one another openly, just us women and wlw, they get so mad that they aren’t a part of our consensus.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
And they want to "understand" so they can figure out whst they need to do to find a loophole/say the right thing next time.
Their entitlement is so gross. But if they were women theyd be a "huge wh0re"!!!
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's true. I used to think I had to play by their rules. But just because the person makes a semantically sound statement, does not negate Reality and The Truth. If they are living in a warped little world where up is down and left is right? Fuck 'em! You don't have to learn their language in order to speak your truth to them. Something can just be right or be wrong in my life and I will act accordingly whether they "understand" or not. Fuck 'em! If I am gracious enough to give them the emotional labour of putting my disappointment in his inadequacies into perspective for him to "understand" without feeling "like a bad guy", by framing my disappointment and annoyance at his immaturity in terms of "what makes me tick as a woman", and their choice is to act like a hyper pre-pubescent boy child arguing with a supply teacher. If they act like that to me I will start inquiring about his upbringing and chirping his mommy for not letting her little baby grow the fuck up enough not to embarrass himself in front of a decent woman.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow, this! You are so right on. Thank you for putting this into words.
It's more of the same, it reflects back on him if he acts like that. I love your firmness and conviction!
We need to value ourselves more! Love when you call the emotional labor for what it is. In your own life as I have in mine I have now started to realize when I am doing emotional labor for people, and now can pick how much and for how long to do the labor for, based on who that person is in my life.
Thank you for your high standards!
[–]PizzaNo7741FDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm still just learning! The mods here and the community has helped me and called me out on some sus feelings I had, and it helped me break that cycle. now I am walking the walk it is easier to speak from the chest about this stuff <3 ill keep writing and maybe fewer ppl will have to learn the hard long way I did and can learn from my mistakes instead, thanks for the encouragement!
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This sounds amazing, healing and authentic! Good for you! This self knowledge feels so powerful!
[+][deleted] 2 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And you are inspiring other women to do the same!
[–]ThesociodarkFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
About fantasizing: yes! Even when I regularly looked at porn, it was a big struggle to find anything that I actually liked (and wasn't fucking disturbing), because it always centered around male pleasure and gaze. I quit porn a long time ago (it wasn't a struggle, I just decided one day that I'm done and that was it). Since then I found a lot of things I actually enjoy and those masturbating sessions are wayyyy better than anything I had before. I'm also think I'm on the aroace spectrum irl, because I enjoy masturbating but I don't really have a need to be in a relationship with anyone. I'm not exactly opposed to it, but I think about it the same way as I do mountain hiking for example: it would be good to try it one day, but my life is full without it.
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist 36 points37 points38 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why men get so incense when we say no to them in any way. The absolutely despise that we have the right to say no, and not just sexually. Nothing is more angering to somebody who fancied himself a slave master then the slave saying no and having every legal right to do so.
[–]glowmilkFDS Newbie 108 points109 points110 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It really is! It’s not that there’s anything shameful about having lots of sex, but the majority of the time, the men really aren’t worth it and sleeping with them is high risk for women with very little reward. Generally, they get a lot more out of sex than we do. Even if they say they had “bad sex” or didn’t get a blowjob or whatever, a lot of men are still happy to use our bodies for masturbation and get their orgasm anyway. TW for sexual descriptions here They use us as objects to stick their dicks into. They thrust as hard as they like even if we are in pain. They orgasm quicker than us and then go to bed once they get what they wanted.
The stakes aren’t the same for women. We can’t use them as walking dildos, even if we wanted to. We can’t get our multiple orgasms for as long as we like (or even one!) if the man decides that sex is finished. A lot of us won’t get any pleasure at all if his penis isn’t the right shape for our vagina. If it’s not long enough or if it’s too thick. And if he doesn’t give oral, that’s even more of a disappointing experience. A lot of us want emotional intimacy too, while most men just wanna get their dick wet. There’s a severe conflict of interests here.
I’m sure a lot of us have had experiences with men in the past that we now cringe about. Where we thought we were just enjoying ourselves and that the men we slept with were worth our time but really, it was more like what I described above. This is why it’s so empowering to say no and have higher standards for yourself. Not no faux lib fem empowerment of “anything a woman does is empowering if she chose it!!” But true empowerment in the sense that you are demanding better for yourself and reaping the benefits of it. The fact that you are denying a lot of men something they really want and giving more power to yourself to orchestrate the life you want to live.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right! We have had these experiences and dont want to any longer going forward! It isnt worth our time to play with someone who isnt going to play nice. Im not wasting my time and endangering my body like that.
I wish libfems cared less what other people (thought) and really looked inside themselves to their own experiences. Certainly through their denial they feel in some ways like we do.
Stop the mental gymnastics and come to Jesus ladies.
Trying to impress men is so lame.
[–]nebsemiFDS Newbie 138 points139 points140 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
My parents used to (and still do) shame me for my high standards for both friends and partners. I never lowered my standards, though. Why would I want to be with people who don't make me happy?
You want me? Then come up and meet me.
[–]c_a_t_ladyFDS Newbie 66 points67 points68 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Why would I want to be with people who don't make me happy?
"You'll never find anyone if you have standards that high."
Why would I prefer being with someone who doesn't make me happy and satisfy my needs, instead of being alone? Is being alone that bad?
[–]nebsemiFDS Newbie 42 points43 points44 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My parents used to say the same thing! "You'll end up lonely if you keep dropping people who don't meet your standards." So? I had more peace of mind being alone than with LV friends.
I've also been called a lesbian just because I have never dated and didn't latch onto the first guy to show interest.
[–]c_a_t_ladyFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hold on... You don't want to date EVERY guy? You have standards? Clearly a lesbian.
/s
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My dad said if I wanted a partner who didnt watch porn I'd have to date a lesbian.
That stuck with me. Was harmful. But... Im going to stick to my guns. My dad has messed up plenty of things. So as i got older decided to take that with a grain of salt. Because I dont mind looking for the magical unicorn man.
Also, he was projecting. (My dad is SO lonely. He tries to be a good person, but he has a terrible time oogling women. Hes almost 60 its embarrassing.)
Now that I'm older, I honestly maybe wouldn't mind dating a women. Itd be better than dating a shitty man.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? These people operate from a place of fear. But the fear is an illusion.
Also, they arent us. Theyd choose to settle.
So cowardly to settle. Not to mention, settling is so so damaging to yourself! Its like... a form of self hate. No thanks. There's other options.
[–]UNlCOON 63 points64 points65 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I cant imagine shaming my children for having high standards this makes 0 sense to me. I want happiness for my children above all else. This extends to wanting nothing but the best possible partner for my children.
[–]babyeshonaFDS Newbie 77 points78 points79 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. Iam not lowering my standards for anyone. Untill then iam virgin and Celibate.
[–]AriaLuzFDS Apprentice 26 points27 points28 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Going on Seven years celibate and I can’t be more happy and relaxed in my life.
[–]rideoffaloneFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're my hero.
[–]tonha_da_pamonhaFDS Apprentice 23 points24 points25 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even in my marriage I say no to my husband. Just because we are married doesn't give him rights to my body. If I am not feeling it, it doesn't happen. Period.
[–]fireforestfairyFDS Apprentice 69 points70 points71 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't forget having sex with LVM is nowhere close to enjoyable. Many of them have fetishes that degrade women such as a gag puke fetish. And yes, dick size matters. Having sex with a guy whose dick is too large will hurt.
[–]sofuckinggreatFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You know what’s also powerful? The original Hitachi Magic Wand that plugs into the wall. God bless modern technology.
[–]VivaLaSeaFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Telling men no is one of my "kinks". And they're not allowed to kink shame me. Lmao.
[–]Tanalize 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so sad how empowering this is to men when it is the bare minimum. Society is so fucked up when women realizing the autonomy of their bodies as important as empowering. Great post regardless.
[–]all_or_nothing_betFDS Apprentice 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women need to understand that their bodies are in very high demand. I'm not even talking about their attention that men crave so much, just their bodies. There's absolutely no need NOT to be super picky about who to have sex with and there absolutely no incentive of having sex just for sex with a man who is less than what you want in a partner.
Celibacy needs to be normalized. Hookup culture is a ridiculous concept that tries to normalize empty, unfulfilling rubbing of genitals with very high health risk for women with very little, often nonexistent reward.
Celibate until you meet a man who is worthy of you because your own finger is way more skilled and is absolutely superior at giving you pleasure than 99% of men you meet during your life time.
[–]Lemon_bars_addictionFDS Disciple 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Proud voncel over here 🥰
[–]YVGNYFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
NO is the most empowering sentence.
[–]ProtoetypeFDS Newbie 61 points62 points63 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I want to reassure the ladies here that men CAN and WILL wait for intimacy.
It seems that my kink is ruthlessly testing a man's loyalty by denying him sex. Trust me, I've had men court me for YEARS without having sex with them. Keep this is mind.. sex is always better in your head.
While you're NOT having sex with a man I recommend you learn how to masturbate. Learn what you like. Get a range of dildos. Find out if you even like vaginal sex or if you prefer to just stick with clitoral stimulation. Enjoy your sexuality, celibacy shouldn't mean denying yourself.
Any sex you have should be on your terms only. I had a boyfriend where our entire sex life was just him giving me oral whenever I wanted it. I did nothing for him. We were together for YEARS, he was fucking gorgeous. You might think I'm a bitch and feel bad for my partners, don't. They chose to fuck with a woman who's definitely got the audacity to do exactly what she wants.
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. One guy I dated (nonreligious) I did not lose my v-card until a year into the relationship. If the man is in love with you/very interested he will wait. I've had multiple men chasing me for years or exes that comes back even though I haven't spoken to them in 5+ years. People have chased me that I've never even have had sex with or any physical contact.
I'm celibate by choice though I have plenty of options. I'm sure many ladies here could be getting sex no problem, but it's such a power move to be selective. And I think that's part of the draw as well for other people - it's sort of rare nowadays to meet people who hold off on jumping into bed right away.
[–]sugarplumcutieFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
QUEEN. I want to be on your level. Teach me your ways😭😭
[–]ProtoetypeFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make your own 'boner' priority and don't waste your empathy on men. ;) <3
[–]nebsemiFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Trust me, I've had men court me for YEARS without having sex with them.
What if they're getting sex somewhere else? Or is this my anxiety acting up?
[–]ProtoetypeFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Ohhhhh noooo, WHAT IF THEY ARE?! *gasp* One thing I absolutely hate is that nagging voice in my head that I have to "be worried" about where a man is "getting sex" That's a waste of cortisol. Usually men are worried about who I'm dating aside from them. Their loyalty buys mine (maybe) heh
If a man needs to be getting sex I make it very clear that staying with me is a waste of time. Promiscuous men are very UNSEXY to me. It's not your job to provide him with sex, it's his job to please you.
Edit: I know the anxiety that you're talking about, if a man ever gives you any reason to feel that way get rid of him. No woman needs that stress <3
[–]millriceFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Scrotes die mad 😅😅
[–]huevos_and_whiskeyFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If we have the right to say no, then when that right is violated there should be consequences. The consequences are not yet adequately enforced. It’s a little better now, but protecting our bodily autonomy still means being very careful about who we allow near us. Date rape still happens, getting groped by a stranger in public still happens, and by and large they just get away with it. Women are still shamed for voicing our boundaries. If someone grabs you or cops a feel on the subway and you shout at them, it’s unlikely that the people around will gang up on them and make them leave. You’re more likely to have people gang up on you and tell you to “calm down” and “stop making such a big deal out of it”. We still need massive societal changes.
[–]MissGalaxy1986FDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That is also why it’s so important to date when you are in a good state of mind. If you date when you are weak you are much more likely to get coerced into sex. I am still kinda broken up over how I told one guy no multiple times and he still got his way. It’s basically assault and makes me wonder how in the world a man can be so proud to “conquer” a woman by breaking her.
Conquer a woman by getting her to actually want to have sex with you 100%, not because she’s doing it to get you to stop groping her or one of the countless “non violent” methods men have up their sleeves.
This was in my pickmeishas days obviously, but it still hurts... and that pain is exactly my reminder for why I need to be cautious... and ultimately I don’t need a reminder like that pain to know better!
That is why I took a month off dating and am still not sure I’m ready to go back even if my eggs are dying off. The risks, psychologically too much... I waste less time going into this mentally sound than half-assing it.
I know I deserve the best which is why I will create a life for myself where I attract the very best damnit! And yes there are days where I do find myself recovering my spark and glow, where my face lights up and I know I’ve got the world by my finger!
[–]aQuintedFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sending you healing hun! I totally understand your feelings of not wanting it but getting coerced into it. Now you have the tools to be wiser and picky. Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts. You do deserve the very best!
[–]MissGalaxy1986FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my gosh thank you for your kind words 🙌💜 yes I must remind myself to be gentle and kind with myself :) I’m only human. Thank you sis!!!
[–]SakuraGirl88FDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is so me. I'm just not settling for bad sex 🤮. Pickmes, libfems, and lvm always make it seem like if you're a woman who is not sexually active that you're a prude or men don't like you. But in the same vein, if you are just putting it out there, you're slut shamed.
Society tries to treat dick like it's as rare as the hope diamond 🤷🏽♀️. Dick is not that great when the man is ugly, fat, has no stamina, and thinks 10 minutes of jackhammering is the best sex ever. I'll be 31 tomorrow 😊. But in my 30 years I've learned there are so many better things in the world as a free woman, like ice cream 😆.
[–]sugarplumcutieFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the plan. I’m young, but I feel it’s going to be that way for a very long time, and that’s totally fine with me. Most men repulse me. I don’t like what I see or hear, and I am not willing to take the risk.
[–]Condom-Ad-Don-DraperFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. Watching Kyle Gallner on Outsiders is pretty much my version of sex these days.
[+][deleted] 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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