Honestly I thought I found such a quality individual, but there was such dissonance between his words and actions towards me and his actions when I wasn't with him if that makes sense. I'm having trouble feeling like I lost a good one but simultaneously feeling a little played. I think he very easily transfers his feelings from his ex onto me and will transfer his feelings towards me very easily as well. I see SO many traits of a HVM in him and it makes me so sad to know he will easily shower someone else with love. I really thought we were going to work out and wanted to work through our issues and cherished our time together, wanted to shower him with love etc. I really fell for this guy.

The positive great features of him that I see lacking in other men:

-was consistently excited to hear me speak, spend time with me, shower me with care and affection, supportive and empathetic. Ready to buy food, everything for me, generous with his time and money.

-always ready to spend with me and schedule around my time and wanted to take care of my needs.

Where his words didn't match his actions:

We agreed early on to be open and transparent. I knew his ex wanted him back VERY MUCH so I told him I was uncomfortable and he agreed that we would both keep the other updated on communication with exes (which I was clear would never happen on my part because it's unnecessary!!!!)

Y'all...

-He texted her, facetimed, and called her a couple days in a row, the first time we were apart for a length of time... and kinda told me when I asked him point blank. He said he would've told me in person and just didn't want to do it over the phone and I believe him but that's no excuse for starting conversations with her.

It confused me so much because I didn't see it coming and I am/was super angry and disgusted by both of them. She knew what she was calling him late at night and trying to constantly video chat- but he's the one who allowed it.

He later told her to stop messaging him but he didn't find it necessary and she ofc still continued messaging him. Oh also they had a shared freaking account he refused to get out of because "it was a discount, why would I miss out on a discount??". The username was a combination of their names. Obviously, it made me mad that he was still including an outlet for them to talk.

Would love some perspective on what people on this sub think. Trying to learn from this relationship-- what do you all think the lesson should be? Is his behavior absolutely inexcusable because that's what I thought but he would be so loving and genuine that I would be very confused