Cooking together in a new relationship - wifey shit?

preppykat3 · 2022-02-03T06:04:57+00:00

I don’t see an issue with it IF he’s doing it with you. If you’re the one doing most of the work then you’re not doing it together.

myeggsarebig · 2022-02-03T09:44:13+00:00

I do most of the cooking because I love to cook, and I’m a decent cook. My hubby loves to clean and do laundry (which I hate…lol), so it’s a good match. I especially love that when I have a holiday dinner, he helps with the cooking, and does ALL the clean up, so I can catch up with the people I cooked for - usually my kids (not his kids) and their partners.

What I do not do, is set an expectation that dinner will be on the table when he gets home. We both work, but I’m home a lot earlier. Sometimes, I take a nap and am sleeping when he gets home, so he’ll whip something up, do some chores, until I wake, AND he’ll still do the dishes because that’s the whole point of letting me fully rest. Sometimes on the weekends, we’ll cook something new that we want to try together.

Bottom line, when we met, I made it very clear, we are both grownups and responsible for feeding ourselves, and if I want to cook, I will and I will share, but if I don’t feel like cooking, I won’t, and he doesn’t get upset or say dumb shit like, “but I do the laundry”. He just simply makes or orders something for the both of us.

WTS, I believe it’s about expectations - if he expects that a sexist role is to be played, run. But, if you like to cook, and enjoy what you do, there’s no harm in sharing :) if you hate it, then have him do it. If you both hate it, well, cheerios and banana for dinner is perfectly fine.

Both of my sons are the cooks in their relationships because I taught them young that once they’re old enough, they are responsible for making sure they eat when their hungry, so unless they plan on being wealthy enough to order healthy take-out, they better know how to cook because it is not, and never will automatically be their partner’s job.

ETA - while initially dating, I did not let him know that I loved to cook, and let him feed me, until I felt it was a safe and appropriate time to reveal my favorite hobby.

warinmymind94 · 2022-02-03T08:34:41+00:00

I would save this for down the line, obviously after you've established a committed relationship.

Make it vetting thing.

Is he suggesting the recipe? Is he grocery shopping and buying the right ingredients? Is he skimping, buying the wrong items, or omitting things out of laziness or cheapness?

Cooking will show you how well he follows directions, doing it together will show if you can work in a team, it'll show you how he reacts when things can get little stressful.

Does he do his fair share of labor? Or does he fake incompetence?

Does he actually possess basic cooking skills?

Does he have a kitchen that has the basic pans, knives, and basic ingredients?

Does he cleanup?

How does he handle the just slightly stressful situations that arise in a kitchen... because if hes loosing his temper, talking over you, micromanaging, or even if he's placing the oven mit so you can't reach it... Cooking is a necessary and basic thing. If he can't be uo to the task and play fair with COOKING he is NOT the man to be having sex or a relationship with!

Let me add that this would be a ONE TIME type of thing for the vetting reasons mentioned above. I would also make sure to add it is NOT a date. If you do get married you need to know you can work well together and you want a man that will not dump cooking onto you. Being in that kitchen will give you a good preview of that dynamic. It will be hard for a LVM to keep his mask on.

kangaskhaniscubones · 2022-02-03T05:39:55+00:00

I think it’s a fun activity to do together.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-02-03T16:12:38+00:00

When I was 12 I imagined my future husband. He cooked for me. Unfortunatelly, I forgot about my dream and cooked for and with my exes. But I remembered.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-03T05:01:30+00:00

Wifey shit.

I'm your future. Used to cook for and with him and even helped with meal prep on Sundays before going back to my apartment. Eventually those dates start to disappear once you move in together because "you can cook better than the restaurant!" I divorced him last year.

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-03T07:50:41+00:00

I cooked with the guy I was in my last relationship with (We were together couple months in total) and it ended up being the only activity or "quality time" we spent together apart from a short hike once a week... 🤦🏻‍♀️

I highly don't recommend.

katiekat0214 · 2022-02-03T19:01:20+00:00

These days as an older, widowed woman, I'd never cook together with a man, who presumably would be around my age. It's the whole nurse and purse thing. I'd like a relationship like the one I have with my sister and niece: we all take turns cooking for each other, only when we want to. Nothing expected, always a treat. That works well.

Crazy_Entry_4569 · 2022-02-03T07:12:38+00:00

To be on the safe side I'd look for a man who does the cooking as a default.

oscine23 · 2022-02-03T06:00:42+00:00

I can cook my ass off. But when I’m with my man he cooks for meeee. I don’t lift a finger.

That being said, I think it can be cute if you are in a exclusive relationship, and only every now and then.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-02-03T05:13:23+00:00

You never cook for a man, the one exception I can think of is if you’re planning a special night and want to cook his favourite meal as a surprise or something (this is like years into the relationship). Cooking with him is also wifey shit. He doesn’t get to have those benefits unless you have a ring on your finger. Especially in a new relationship like you said you’re in. If you’re cooking together it could be a fun activity on occasion for like a family thing but not a norm and it’s NOT a date.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-03T09:16:44+00:00

I like dating men who cook for me. In these cases "cooking together" means him cooking and me sampling the food and eating half the raw ingredients (e.g. choc chips).

wondertarget · 2022-02-03T04:56:43+00:00

Never.

My fiancé cooks for me 🥰

Astral_weaver · 2022-02-03T09:16:28+00:00

As much as I love the activity of cooking with loved ones, I would not recommend it in the context of a new relationship, not even as a vetting strategy. Last time I did, 4 years ago, it ended up in a disaster. You can cook together with your friends, it is safer.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-02-03T13:20:38+00:00

It seems like a cute wholesome activity on the surface but it’s really can be a trap- at least in the beginning of the relationship.

I think you’re getting thrown off by cooking WITH him instead of the dreaded cooking FOR him.

My experience (pre FDS) has been you start off together but gradually, as time goes by, he spends less and less time cooking WITH you and has to make a phone call, let me just turn on the game, I need to walk the dog, and suddenly you’re the only one in the kitchen and you’re cooking FOR him.

I personally avoid it now, these men get way too comfortable seeing you in the kitchen.

Moira_Spice · 2022-02-04T00:46:21+00:00

I'm extremely wary about doing cooking together, I certainly wouldn't do that as a Girlfriend, but I would be fine with it as a Fiancee.

Please read Why Men Love Bitches you'll see exactly why it isn't a good idea.

spaghetty8 · 2022-02-03T05:54:31+00:00

You should NEVER have to cook for your man.

He should be cooking for YOU, if he truly wants you he will treat you like a queen, because you are a queen.

med10crity · 2022-02-03T07:59:03+00:00

This early on, he should be cooking for YOU. Only agree to cook together if he has already proven he is a competent cook. Otherwise you will just be babysitting him the whole time to make sure he doesn't do anything wrong.

bamboohobobundles · 2022-02-03T11:31:15+00:00

I recently entered a new relationship, but it's with someone I've known for some time now. Most often when we hang out, he cooks dinner, and he always asks me first what I'd like to eat. Sometimes though, if we find a really elaborate recipe online (or want to collaborate on a recipe we already know that is time consuming), we do cook together and I really enjoy it.

He also went out of his way to bake homemade bread for my (insanely picky eater) son when he decided to stop eating store bought bread for a while.

CherubBaby1020 · 2022-02-03T14:28:49+00:00

Before we go married, we would cook together. And by we would cook together, I really mean, he would suggest something and I would say yay or nay, w would walk to the store for him to shop and pay while I get to push the cart around and just ad lib and dance to the music, then we get home and I unpack the groceries as he starts getting the pots and pans together, then I get the music going and maybe stir a pot if he is busy managing the rest of the meal. I make sure our drinks are full and cold and again supply entertainment and conversation. Then we eat and I clean up the stuff that goes into the dishwasher while he hand cleans things needing hand cleaning.

Basically, I do very little. Works for us :)

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-04T00:24:21+00:00

I like to cook, but I won't do it in the early dating stages. I wouldn't cook for a man until after he cooked for me. Not being able to cook is a deal breaker.

creamtart_ · 2022-02-03T04:53:45+00:00

If you have to ask this question, you haven’t read the handbook.

Read the handbook.

Expensive-Worker5767 · 2022-02-08T18:01:38+00:00

I am looking for the answer to this as well! I just posted in ask FDS. On the weeknight my boyfriend has requested whoever’s house we stay at would be in charge of dinner that night. I said yes that would be ok because he takes me to dinner and makes me dinner at his house. He has also cooked for me at my house including buying all the groceries. thoughts?! We have been dating 6 months and are in a serious committed relationship.

_queeeen_ · 2022-02-12T06:00:46+00:00

ugh this is hard because i genuinely love cooking, and want to be with a man who also loves cooking artful, healthy food at home. i've seen this advice shared around on the sub to give a little bit less than he does (versus matching him all the time). so maybe you prompt a recipe you want to try, but let him plan and execute cooking it together. personally what i would not be comfortable with is whipping up a multi-course meal all by myself and serving it to a man. would i do that for my girlfriends or my family? absolutely. it would be a joy to do that for them because i love cooking and sharing that love with people i care about. but pre-commitment, it's a no.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2022-02-05T09:57:49+00:00

Let me put it this way, I’ll set the house on fire before I cook or help anyone cook. I cook for myself and my parents that’s it.

I will never eat anything he makes while we date. I don’t expect him to cook for me.

Title	Cooking together in a new relationship - wifey shit?
Author	fogplum
Upvotes	189
Comments	67
Date	February 3, 2022 4:52 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cooking-together-in-a-new-relationship-wifey-shit.1100034 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100034
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sjaaxp/cooking_together_in_a_new_relationship_wifey_shit/