Cultural differences in what you consider low/high value dates?

ldonnawho · 2020-08-13T18:28:09+00:00

I am Swedish and lemme tell ya...most women there cringe if you even mention not splitting the bill. Definitely are cultural differences.

Dating norms vary by region but as long as someone puts thought into the date and it ends up being a high quality experience, we can all agree on it being HV🤷🏼‍♀️

throwaway_vibes · 2020-08-13T18:24:45+00:00

Some of my friends are from Nigeria (West Africa) and they said paying for dates was more expected there.

I also spent some time in Costa Rica, and although Latin culture has a lot of machismo, which can be both good & bad, the men did seem a bit more into traditional dating. Like a guy buying a woman a full-course meal, entree, sides, dessert, coffee, drinks, seemed pretty standard, as well as things like holding the door open, going dancing, etc, and the guys actually know how to dance. But of course it’s a completely different culture and economy. Not that Costa Rica is perfect though, by any means, and I also saw some sketchy things there and possibly prostitution(?)

I think American guys are slackers when it comes to dating, at least compared to many other countries.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-13T18:42:54+00:00

When I was dating generally the offer would be for dinner dates and I didn't get a single man expecting me to pay or split the bill. This was in polite Canada though and the men were aged 40+ (as was I). Coffee "date" offers came 100% from men who were unacceptable for other reasons and I never went on one of those. Lunch dates I didn't care for, I suspected they were the sign of a married man.

In my city there are a lot of elevated and trendy "public house" or "social house" type restaurants where you can comfortably sit and have just drinks + appetizers or shared plates and I did consider that to be an acceptable first date. When the offer was for just "a drink" that generally meant some gross old bar and the man wasn't anyone I wanted to see again. He would still pay though.

I also found that it was a very bad sign if he didn't have any idea where was a good place to eat and only wanted suggestions from me. There was a marked difference in quality among men who had a real plan and weren't afraid to name a place to meet. My now husband asked me out on a real date, with day + time + place, and per the FDS handbook, no woman should settle for anything less.

shedragoness · 2020-08-13T18:29:03+00:00

My husband is from Texas but we met in Virginia. He normally pays. At the beginning he ALWAYS paid. Then I paid here and there but at least 90% of the time, it’s him paying.

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-08-13T19:30:55+00:00

In my country (I'm European), it's the norm for a man to pay. If a girl even offers, they immediately shut you down lmao. That being said, asking someone out to a meal as a first date is not something people do in my country because we see meals as something to share with family or close friends.

Still, it's not impossible to distinguish between a low effort and high effort date even if you're not going out to eat specifically, so I don't get too hung up on it since I can tell by the places he suggests how much effort he's willing to put in.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-08-13T20:25:15+00:00

American southerner here, late 30s, and women paying for dates is a foreign concept to me. Down south if someone offers to pay the meal, you better stfu and let them because it's considered rude to bicker over who pays the bill. I moved up north and men here still pay for dates, especially men my age or older. I even dated an older Aussie who's lived here 20 years. He paid for every date and even said he believes men should take care of women.

2020-08-14T03:40:22+00:00

I'm originally from Eastern Europe and it's kinda weird over there, on the one hand we have those ultra traditional men who'll pay for you but also expect you to do wifey shit and cook/clean/take care of kids all by yourself once you're married. They'll also have all those cringey outdated stereotypes about women, no bueno. On the other hand we have the younger crowd who won't pay but will also treat you like a second class citizen and expect sex right away. It's like you can't win.

I still can't make up my mind about the whole paying for dates stuff. I completely get the logic behind it but I have yet to meet a guy who'd pay and not expect something in return immediately.

vmuzondi · 2020-08-13T17:41:25+00:00

[deleted]

Hahane · 2020-08-13T21:05:07+00:00

I'm from Central Europe and guys usually really wants to pay. You have to literally fight them so they let you pay lol.

booboodoughnut · 2020-08-14T02:55:22+00:00

Middle East- women never pay it is seen as extremely shameful. I’ve never ever paid when I’ve been with a man- platonic or romantic.

SincerelyD90 · 2020-08-14T05:52:36+00:00

So much of this. I’m from the Midwest US (northern Midwest) and I’ve lived in Europe since 2013; some FDS concepts will not work as well in Europe.

beautysubthroww · 2020-08-14T05:40:47+00:00

I'm from a major city in NW USA and the "cultural norm" is drink/coffee dates where you split the bill. However this is 100% due to most guys here being lazy and low value lol. So standard FDS rules still apply if you want to find an HVM.

Davina33 · 2020-08-16T17:31:10+00:00

I'm from the east of England and it's the same here. I've never paid for a date although I used to offer in the past.

Charming_Mix7930 · 2020-08-13T19:17:13+00:00

I'm from South America: I usually prefere coffee dates because they allow a quick way out, plus I have some food restrictions, so going to a specific chain makes it safe and comfortable, even more when my work has pretty erratic hours so a full dinner date is something I can rarely have.

I also usually pay for my part, because that's what I was raised into (my family is too danish in that sense, and we are close to other danish/descendents over here). But I know some people in my country would let the men pay. And in other southamerican countries it's kind of the norm.

Hmtnsw · 2020-08-13T23:30:22+00:00

From S. Eastern US. Most dates ranged from coffee, lunch/dinner to drinks. Coffee and a nice stroll was an easy "ice breaker." No sex. Drinks did not always = sex. Lunch/dinner did not always = sex. Most guys footed the bill. Those that didn't, no second dates. I was into hook up culture at the time so I would hump and dump men and never see them again even if they wanted to see me. Some I did hit it again because they took care of my needs (not many) and then we faded which was fine because I wasn't looking for anything serious anyway. I've gone on (free) museum dates.

Now if I was looking for something serious, I would want to be taken to one of the nicer/higher class restaurants in town from the get go. No drinks. Maybe some higher end ($$$) museum dates as well.

I've dated non- American men and even though men have their general flaws, I prefer dating non-Americans. They are quite more traditional and American men just seem a bit sloppy when it comes to dating. Idk how to put it exactly.

derpinat_butter · 2020-08-14T12:59:31+00:00

I am from central/south europe and thankfully the gender pay gap is very small here (except for older people). Consequentially people in relationships pay about 50/50 for dates. Still for a first date it's the norm that a man pays.

Title	Cultural differences in what you consider low/high value dates?
Author	eveninghope
Upvotes	56
Comments	45
Date	August 13, 2020 4:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i92u61/cultural_differences_in_what_you_consider_lowhigh/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cultural-differences-in-what-you-consider-lowhigh.726494 https://theredarchive.com/post/726494