~ archived since 2018 ~

Don’t be a forever girlfriend

shethrewawayaccount
May 16, 2020
3305 upvotes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
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Post Information
Title Don’t be a forever girlfriend
Author shethrewawayaccount
Upvotes 3305
Comments 118
Date May 16, 2020 6:33 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-be-a-forever-girlfriend.675983
https://theredarchive.com/post/675983
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gkzphk/dont_be_a_forever_girlfriend/
Top posts by shethrewawayaccount

My (26F) boyfriend (35m) choked me until I passed out during sex, waited until he "finished" to check on me

166 upvotes
May 21, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Yesterday my [21F] boyfriend [24M] slapped me for not putting enough makeup on before we had sex. It was the first time he hit me. He apologised last night. Should I give him another chance or dump him now?

147 upvotes
May 29, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

My boyfriend proposed to me with a $30 ring. It was a huge fake diamond and he didn’t admit it was fake until my sister saw it on Amazon. He said he did that because for 5 months he paid majority of the rent.

83 upvotes
May 17, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Proof is in the pudding. Don’t try and build a man.

49 upvotes
May 21, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

I (45f) have become both the man and woman of the house because my husband (53m) does so little

30 upvotes
June 1, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

My kink to be choked is totally healthy guys. It’s empowering and I’m respected for it

27 upvotes
May 7, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Why new age men want to be chased like women | Stop chasing weak men

26 upvotes
May 23, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Me (19F), my best friend (19F), and boyfriend (36M) had a threesome and I ended up getting left out

2 upvotes
May 26, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Comments

[–]Skittleschild02FDS Newbie125 points126 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Happened to a friend. Dated for 10 years. Bought a house together (Thankfully, it’s in her name.) She came home one night from work and caught him Facetiming with a friend. He ended up getting that friend pregnant too. (Told her he never wanted kids. Surprise!)

Some dudes ain’t shit.

[–]MaddiKateFDS Newbie37 points38 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I've never understood why some guys are so hesitant to get married to someone they've dated for years, but have no issue having kids or making huge financial commitments with them (buying a house, etc.)

[–]Skittleschild02FDS Newbie15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s insane to me. I’ve dated guys who were down for doing it all. But marriage? Cold feet. I know guys will move women and their kids into their home but claim that the relationship isn’t serious. (He even introduced the girls to his parents. WTF! Don’t do this mess if you’re not ready to be happy family.) Like, how is this okay?

I’m glad my friend opened m her eyes. She said the only reason why she stayed with him because she didn’t want to be lonely. They’ve been together since her first year of college. She learned from it and has been leveling up.

So, girls, don’t be a doormat to a man. Be assertive to what you want in your life. If he can’t do it, cut ties now. Save yourself!

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]sweatydeath[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wee little scrote, please read the rules on the sidebar.

[–]Amy3e13FDS Newbie384 points385 points  (32 children) | Copy Link

Also beware of the shut-up ring, a tactic used to string the forever girlfriend along even further.

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie229 points230 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Lmao the sad ass promise ring 😭

[–]HolaHulaHolaFDS Newbie57 points58 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They called that the pre-engagement ring in my day. I thought it was bullshit.

[–]smaller_angFDS Newbie38 points39 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I learned about their existence from 90 day fiancee 🤦‍♀️

[–]echologiaFDS Newbie21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Glad you said that because I'd never heard of this nonsense

[–][deleted] 150 points151 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Anyone over the age of eighteen placing importance on promise rings are clowns.

[–]Anotherface95FDS Newbie38 points39 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We did symbolic promise rings when I thought I was going to be living in Georgia for a year but we are romantic saps so idk

[–]HornetKickFDS Newbie80 points81 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

decade

Some of these are just painful to read and I'm no longer in a relationship. I found that six months was a long time. The grey areas for men are so huge. They know in about 1 to 2 months and the female is hanging on for 5+ years waiting.....whyyyyyyy??

[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because free constant sex, laundry and cooking. It was comfortable for them.

[–]MaddiKateFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For which they will have another 7 years of engagement with no planned wedding in sight.

[–]throwaway93731FDS Apprentice59 points60 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

One of my old co-workers admitted she got wine-drunk and cried to her then-boyfriend at the time about "why he wouldn't propose to her."

They ended up getting married, I saw her Instagram photos and he was crying when he saw her walk down the aisle. I don't know much about their relationship, but that seems like a genuine gesture of love.

Do you have any thoughts about that? I know crying for a proposal is a low-value woman thing to do, but maybe he came around? I don't get it.

[–][deleted] 212 points213 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Do not try to get the reality of a relationship from instagram.

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Right here. RIGHT EFFING HERE. My sister in law and brother in law had what looked liked a PERFECT relationship on social media. People were saying how much they would love to be like them. She gets drunk and punches him in the face. Screams at him in front of his friends. He spends all his money on his car and plays video games all day in his free time. They are no longer together.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm glad he got out of that.

[–]throwaway93731FDS Apprentice14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Even disregarding the photo I saw, they still got married, even though she was being a Pickme at some point. What is the explanation for that?

[–]chickeneryFDS Newbie55 points56 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How long were they together? She wasn’t a forever girlfriend if they were together two years or less, in my opinion. The forever girlfriend phenomenon is when a relationship drags on for years... like, 5-10 years... and the girl wants to get married and the guy doesn’t.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men can be worn down emotionally by women; especially if that is the dynamic of their parents relationship.

Also, men are just people. Humans don't like coming home to an empty house, year after year. A wife provides meals, cleaning, bookkeeping, social secretary, sex (an alternative to porn), a second income etc. And humans are tribal. If everyone else is marrying, having kids, and getting a mortgage; isn't it time you thought about settling down?

People don't necessarily get married because they are in love. Marriage is often for practical reasons.

[–]Elegant-StopFDS Newbie42 points43 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t get why crying during proposals or weddings is seen as a huge symbol of love. These are life changing moments that are emotionally overwhelming, crying is a natural response to that, not an indicator of love.

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly what I was thinking. Even a hard ass person can get carried away with the emotion on the day. But when that day is over and the reality sets in, they will still be the same misogynistic idiot they always were. Just worse because now they’ve got their women strapped down.

[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's probably crying because he didn't want to get married to her lmfaooooo

[–]HighLife0001FDS Newbie61 points62 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To have to beg someone to marry you? Hard pass. Even if they are married, how good could that relationship be for her if she had to beg him to marry her. It’ll show up in many ways during their marriage. When he suddenly meets the one he’s starstruck for he will dump her like yesterday bread

[–]fresiparFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

even of he never finds the one and stays with this one forever, how does it feel to beg for romantic attention that you expect to come on his initiative? what is life like with an uncaring disinterested man that cannot be bothered to listen to his wife until she screms at him in despair?

[–]HighLife0001FDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have met this type of couple once. They’re together for 10 years or more and she had to beg him to get a ring. He gave her a shut up ring. And this guy flirts with alllll the younger girls behind her back, me included. She’s a good looking educated high power earning woman too. She can so much better but she doesn’t realize it. Pretty sure he strings her along because it elevates their lifestyle due to their combined household income. The guy thinks he’s all that but it’s just really disgusting

[–]yumiiaFDS Apprentice23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe he was crying because he didn’t want to get married lmao

[–]saffron25Pickmeisha™️45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seems like he was crying cuz he didn’t wanna be there.

[–]helena939392FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ughh been there done that, except it was an "engagement ring" but he refused to talk about wedding, let alone set a date 🙄

[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thought people only did it in HS and middle school lmfaoooo

[–]galian84FDS Apprentice153 points154 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I can speak for this. I see so many couples who have been dating 5+ years and still not even engaged.

I dated an ex for 7 years and he still "wasn't ready" to even get engaged. He only wanted to propose when I was breaking up with him. Even though just a few months before he and I got into an argument about it and he said he wasn't "the marrying type."

One of my closest friends has been dating her boyfriend for 4 or 5 years now and he just moved into a new condo and didn't ask her to move in with him, even though they live an hour apart. She said she didn't care, but she obviously seemed hurt about it. She also said that he didn't seem to keen on being married soon, and she guess she didn't, either.

[–]ShokkolatteFDS Newbie115 points116 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I think it’s absolutely crazy for a man to take up 5+ years of your romantic life and not be sure about you!

It would be the end of it for me after 2 years. I’ve already told myself if a man I’m with is not clear about what he wants and doesn’t make action towards it within 2 years of us being together, I’m gone. And I’ll make myself clear on that with him way before that.

For me it’s not about getting married in X amount of time. It’s about, in the words of Rihanna, “shutting down the grey area.” No man will grey area me for more than a couple years. Not on my watch.

[–]saffron25Pickmeisha™️90 points91 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree. Wendy Williams ( not the best person to quote) makes a good point by saying saying something about the rule of threes. After three dates you know if you wanna see them again, after three months you know if you’re gonna fall in love and want to see them exclusively and lastly, by three years you should be engaged.

Look marriage isn’t forever everyone and not everyone wants to be married and if you are happy not being marriage that’s fine. Women need to stop acting like you have to be opposite magnetic poles to attract! NO!! If you aren’t on the same page about the fundamental values of human life; please move on.

Life is for living.

[–]spreadmywings89FDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

While I definitely could understand others’ needs for a shorter time, I actually prefer this rule of threes for myself. I am just coming around to the idea of marriage, I’m too career-minded, and I don’t really want kids. There’s no way that I’d be interested in marrying someone after 1-1.5 years. But I do believe that by the 1.5 year mark, they should express explicit interest in marriage.

This is the only time in life I’ve ever agreed with Wendy Williams.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well my ex lied to me! 5 years went by and he was like “yeah let’s get married once I join the military, then you can use the benefits for free college, and we can adopt a kid together and save for a house.” (I wanted adoption). Nope! Cheated, said he needs to be single lol.

[–]HornetKickFDS Newbie18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OMG so true. so true.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

If you can, whittle that 2 years down to 6 months. Men know what they want from you between 1-6 months. Six months is the absolute limit.

[–]ShokkolatteFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re absolutely right. If he can’t be transparent within 6 months then it’s probably not a good sign.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's a good idea to move so fast. It makes it seem like all women want marriage so whenever a man proposes, she'll say yes.

Wasn't there a post here about a woman who got pregnant and married within a year and how that wasn't a good idea?

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's important that the man wants to move quickly.

Obviously, this is if there is no sign of him being an abuser.

The woman should never move fast. And can push it out for a while. It makes men want you more. If they want you, they'll keep pursuing. Men value women that are somewhat difficult to please, and are a bit out of reach.

If I can give one piece of advice, it is that women NEVER chase a man, or seem over eager, or want to get married quickly.

And this is if you want to be married and have children. Not all women want that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men value women that are somewhat difficult to please, and are a bit out of reach.

If I can give one piece of advice, it is that women NEVER chase a man, or seem over eager, or want to get married quickly.

And then they constantly bitch about not being pursued.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They fantasize about being pursued for no strings attached sex with a beautiful bikini model.

In real life, women that pursue men disgust them.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean, they can have that even if they pursued first. So it still makes no sense that men keep bitching.

[–]aburke626FDS Newbie28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I totally agree. The only exception I’d give is to very young couples. I think if you’re in your early twenties (and of course teens) you should date longer because you’re young and stupid and don’t know what you’re doing. If I could go back, I would follow my mom’s advice and not be in a serious relationship so young, too. But if you start dating someone at 19 and you’re still dating at 23, I think as long as you’re totally on the same page, it’s different form being older and not having a bigger commitment. If I’m recalling correctly, I started dating my first fiancé at 19, moved in at 23, engaged at 24, broke up at 25. (He was actually a HVM and I left him for a LVM because I was young and stupid).

But anyway, I don’t think that’s too long a timeline when you’re young. We don’t talk much about age on this sub. Thoughts? I hate the thought of young women rushing for a ring.

[–]freedandelionsFDS Newbie20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many will disagree, but I don’t think anyone should get married before living together. Especially when you’re young and possibly haven’t lived on your own yet.

[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nobody should stay with an unsuitable man just because he wants to get married, no matter how old they are!

There is also the danger that women are too forgiving of their first serious boyfriends. And women of all ages use "but we've been together for X years!" as a way to ignore all kinds of problems. They're just throwing good money after bad :(

I think he should know, and tell you, that he wants to marry you even if he thinks you're too young to actually be engaged/married. None of that "I don't know where this is going, let's wait and see... :/" crap. And then when you are old enough he does need to actually propose. And don't keep moving the correct age forwards. It would be easy to pretend that a woman who sees this leading to marriage but doesn't feel comfortable getting married so young is "totally on the same page" as a man who has no intention of marrying her, that's what all of these boil down to in the end isn't it? All these women are so sure that he'll propose as soon as the time is right... any time now... they're even having kids with him first!

I don't consider 23 too young to be married though. If it is, it's also too young to live with a man. Women get so much confidence in our late 20s, it's so much easier to walk away from anything. I worry about younger women getting all of that kind of dependence on a spouse being part of your life, acceptance of their flaws, being part of each others' families, but without the legal protections & public commitment of marriage. I don't think living with a man you're not at least engaged to is a good idea, it's fine if you have a long engagement because you're young (not so much if you're older) but living with a man is always going to be acting like his wife. The younger you are, the worse it will be.

It's inexperience combined with youth, too, I think. Everything I'm saying only applies to people who have never lived with a partner before, never been engaged before. If you have, you have that experience and I think the shorter timescales are totally appropriate. I feel like 5 years is my cut off at any age, maybe just because it's how long it was from when I started dating my husband until when we got married, not very scientific I know :) But I feel after a certain point neither time nor maturity actually changes anything. If you're both adults and it's been 2 years you know where it's going.

[–]NerdyPugGirlFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No man "isn't the marrying type". He just isn't with a certain girl. That stings (me too sis!) But it's the truth. If a guy is really into you he wants you off the market lol. F all those "I need more tiiiimmmme" guys.

[–]sunnyxbabyFDS Newbie135 points136 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Ex boyfriend and I were together almost 5 years, no proposal (to be fair, I would have said no). Husband proposed after 6 months and we'll be married 5 years next month. I know 6 months is fairly quick, but if a man wants to marry you, it won't take 3, 5, 7+ years for him to not only figure it out, but show it.

[–]deepthroathamburgerFDS Newbie35 points36 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Mine did too! We were married within a year. It was really against everything I would “normally” do, but everything was easy, and we just knew I guess.

[–]sunnyxbabyFDS Newbie22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Right? You just feel it and you know.

[–]deepthroathamburgerFDS Newbie46 points47 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Someone told me “you won’t ever feel confused” and I wasn’t. I knew exactly how he felt. He showed up when he said he would. He wasn’t afraid to commit. He stood up for me. There just weren’t any questions.

[–]sunnyxbabyFDS Newbie23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly. They do what they say, and you literally don't have that awful ambiguous stage of "How does he feel about me? Are we a legit couple? Are we just 'seeing' each other?" that I've gone through in other relationships. When it's THE person, you don't ever have to question how they feel and what they want, because they show it and you know. It's amazing. I'm so happy for you! ❤❤❤

[–]deepthroathamburgerFDS Newbie18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks! Eight years now :) I’m happy for you too!

[–]Anotherface95FDS Newbie62 points63 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So true. My now hubby told me less than a month into our relationship that he planned to marry me. Proposed on our 7 month anniversary got married 6 months later.

Men know exactly what they want.

[–]Sayeesa13FDS Newbie35 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I keep trying to tell my best friend that. She is with a man with TWO ex-wives, and she wants to get married. She's hinted. He knows. They've been together almost two years. He won't give her a straight answer, dances around the subject and deflects, saying she's "not like other women" he's ever met.

She told me she understands why he doesn't want to marry her yet- he tells her that he ruined things with the last two marriages he doesn't want to ruin the "connection" they have.

And I'm like... If anything shouldn't he have learned to see a good thing and want to hold onto it with two marriages to learn from?

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

rly seems like men never learn 🤷‍♀️

[–]NerdyPugGirlFDS Newbie31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Same. We were engaged after about 4 months. Then we were married 8 months after that. We're actually coming up on 20 years of marriage soon. Hopefully I'm doing a good job teaching my daughters to know their value. Society is so messed up. I hope my girls don't become a pickmeisha, but the "pretend I don't even care about marriage" girl is even worse. I've seen girls who are dying to get married and have kids pretending not to care about the baby in the room so they don't scare their boyfriend lol. It's so messed up.

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I genuinely don’t care about marriage, or want kids (even though I love them!) I really hope I don’t come across as one of the ones who pretends she doesn’t care tbh :/

Marriage scares the crap out of me! I’ve just seen too many bad ones and experienced and witnessed too much abuse in my life to warrant ever getting married. I’m mid 30s now and I feel this stronger than ever, but people say I will change my mind. It worries me occasionally that maybe I’ll regret it one day, but I also don’t want to just do it now because I’m worried one day I might regret not doing it. It’s a tricky line!

[–]Davina33FDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm just like you. I need to be able to get away quickly and without difficulties. I've seen many examples of bad marriages and relationships throughout my childhood. My maternal feelings only extends to animals. I do like children, I just like to give them back at the end of the day. Even so, I've never met a man worthy of my fertility.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Husband proposed after 6 months

Congratulations! While there is no such thing as a sure thing; that is a very fortuitous sign .

[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My uncle proposed to his wife within 7-8 months and they will be together for 6 years soon.

Before that, he had a girlfriend for 7 years with no proposal in sight, she was very beautiful and well educated but a big pickmeisha, after 7 years of no proposal she left and got married to someone else.

[–][deleted] 218 points219 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

I saw a tiktok yesterday by a girl who’s ready for marriage about her bf not being ready or whatever.

All the comments were like “OMG saaame we’ve been dating 8 years and still nothing even tho I keep hinting.” “10 years and 2 kids and he still won’t propose even though I keep asking him to.” “We’ve been dating 5 years and every time I bring up marriage he shuts me down. Glad I’m not the only one 😂.” “I’m sooo ready for marriage because we’ve been together since high school but he won’t even talk about it with me.”

I swear I’m not even exaggerating. If a guy won’t even humour the idea of marrying you then what are you doing with him? I bet these women have been told “stand by him” , “he’s commitment issues” and every other excuse in the book to excuse men’s childish behaviour. It genuinely angers me that women are taught to accept this bs and pretend they don’t care.

[–]Anotherface95FDS Newbie51 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It always kills me that these women are doing whole wife shit for barely eh boyfriends. Don't have his kids baby. Don't do that. Unless y'all both want to be un-married and have a PLAN for it, do not play like that.

[–]saffron25Pickmeisha™️79 points80 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don’t see the point of sticking around to get souvenirs. If someone doesn’t want you please move on.

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist26 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly! It’s so embarrassing and degrading to wait around for a guy who cannot see your worth! I move on from everyone like that now - guys, friends, and jobs. Sayonara!

[–]saffron25Pickmeisha™️10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I started doing this after three years of chronic depression and I feel good. I encourage everyone to do the same.

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is it they say - before you get diagnosed with depression, make sure it’s not actually because you’re surrounded by dickheads. Or something along thoSe lines.

Totally not disregarding chronic depression (I’m a sufferer mySelf, my whole life - have also at one point be diagnosed with bipolar). But it’s amazing how much more manageable my symptoms are when I stay away from emotional vampires and toxic people. Not to mention I have far less relapses.

[–]saffron25Pickmeisha™️10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, that is the truth. The thing is depression has s root cause. Even if it doesn’t surrounding your self with succubus and incubus will exacerbate your symptoms

[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice32 points33 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

10 years and 2 kids? Oh lordy - at that stage is there any logical reason as to why he wouldn't marry aside from him wanting an easy out?

[–]Delicious-ScholarFDS Newbie21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And on top of the humiliation, you’ve (the women) just told on yourself.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn. 10 years and 2 kids. That's hella fucked up.

[–]ShokkolatteFDS Newbie70 points71 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don’t quite get it either, the ability to spend years and years as boyfriend and girlfriend, especially when both of you are settled in your lives and finances.

Eventually it comes off as juvenile because how can you not be ready to legally protect your almost decade long relationship, but you’re both ready and willing to let 7 years turn into 8 years, ready to move in or buy a home together, ready to have unprotected sex that runs the risk of pregnancy etc?

It’s like a lot of people see marriage as the kiss of death, but not all these other potentially binding things that a lot of “not ready” people seem to do in relationships.

And yes, I think a lot of super long term relationships are psychologically binding. I imagine if you spend anywhere from 7-10+ years with someone (I’ve never done it) and then break up, you’re probably going to continue to think about them for a large chunk of your life whether you want to or not. Simply because they were a part of your life for so long.

That’s why not being married in that situation, when you both claim to be happy, doesn’t quite compute to me.

On the flip side, it’s been said men and women do not value time in the same way. Not sure if there are studies on this, but it would make sense as to why so many women are waiting for proposals that may never come. Or even assuming the length of the relationship will result in a proposal.

[–]NerdyPugGirlFDS Newbie28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see these girls having kids with guys who "aren't ready for a big commitment like marriage". Like what? Having kids is an even bigger commitment! I'm glad I shut down a "pretend wife" situation early so I could move on and meet my husband.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Time moves faster for a woman. Ideally, if you want children, you should have had them by 35 years old.

Even if you don't want children, or are willing to undergo the stress of later childbirth; we all know that men tend to place a high value on chronological youth. Don't waste your precious limited years on a dope.

[–]chickeneryFDS Newbie96 points97 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sooooo often, the guy who “isn’t ready” for years and years when he’s with his forever girlfriend will propose to his new girl within 6 months. Being a forever girlfriend just sets you up to be devastated when the relationship ends, because it WILL end, either when the forever girlfriend finally gets fed up, or, even worse, when he meets the girl he actually wants to be with.

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

when he meets the girl he actually wants to be with.

This ^

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie47 points48 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Equality and independence seems to be thrown out the window in these cases.

I supposed it's so brainwashed to want him to propose. The fantasy of the romantic proposal and fairy tale wedding, lurking beneath the surface.

Waiting puts your life on hold. Men know right away. Within a few months.

A man knows you're dating for marriage. How deceptive and selfish to continue a relationship, when you already know you dont want to marry her.

But the majority of men are selfish. They won't give up the regular sex and convenience of a relationship.

[–]Delicious-ScholarFDS Newbie28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don’t forget maid duties and emotional coaching.

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Constant with them. What is it again we're supposed to gain from marriage?

[–]BabyGotBantzPickmeisha™️27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you haven't discussed marriage within the first year of your relationship and it's something you want... he needs to waste someone elses time. Meanwhile you're cooking his food, being his maid, doing his laundry and sh*t wasting your youth and beauty like the dutiful ass-clown you are. He doesn't have to buy you a ring and any day he can just walk out and that's that. I never understood people who had been together 6 years and hadn't gotten married unless they were super young when they got together or just didn't want to. Not getting married and being independently successful is also an option.

[–]ShokkolatteFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This may not be the popular opinion but I think I feel a similar way about couples who are young and get together when they are 18. There isn’t too much difference to me.

If after all this time you’re not sure about spending your lives together, why invest sooo much of your irreversible youth into a 5+ year relationship? When you could be getting to know other people, be learning how to date in general, just enjoying independence etc. These are the couples that usually move in together and have lots of sex too.

If I had a kid, I would be a little worried for their lack of dating experience and independence if they stuck with one boyfriend or girlfriend for almost 10 years. I don’t think it’s good for personal development if they don’t know what their end game is and they don’t know how to be single. I don’t think self awareness and the ability to address a goal should be reserved for 25+ year olds. Like the relationship has either matured with age or it hasn’t.

[–]AliceTullyHall1121 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My kid has been dating the same guy since senior year high school. She's got the promise ring for neigh on nine years. They went to Uni together, his family religious and helping him pay for school so they only lived together since graduation in 2014. So that makes ten years, basically from 18 to 28. My daughter refuses to even discuss "their" plans....I like the kid, but Christ on a cracker!! Lets get on with it!!

[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your daughter's youth is over.

What religions allow sex before marriage? Isn't that forbidden in all of them?

[–]travellingtaurus5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Please take this with a genuine tone of curiosity, I'd love to hear your views:

Why is marriage necessary at all?

I've been with my partner for 7 years and I don't have the intention of marrying him. But I know we are committed to each other - that's enough for me.

I obviously understand we want men who are committed to us long term, but I'm not sure shaming relationships/men that don't buy in to the institution of marriage is a healthy thing to do or encourage? Why exactly do you need marriage to feel totally secure in your relationship? Why is marriage the sign of a decent and wonderful man to spend your life with? If you have found a great man who just happens to not want to get married, why should that be a sign that he's not still fantastic in how he treats you, and will treat you long term?

Please do share your views! I'm interested!

[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why would you enter a long term commitment with no contract? If you were to split or one of you gets sick you have zero legal protections for you and your kids.

If you are making a Long term investment it should be on paper.

Would you Live in a house or apartment for 10 years with no mortgage or rental agreement? Would you take on a contract job with no terms of agreement?

The only time it doesn’t make sense is if you make significantly more than your partner

[–]alluringivFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t even wanna think of marrying rn especially not my bf. Maybe when I’m 30 lol

[–]princestarshineFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Are promise rings okay if you don’t want to get married? I’m asking because I saw a couple comments talking about them,,

[–]sunnyxbabyFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Why don't you want to get married, if I can ask?

[–]princestarshineFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

In short, I’ve seen too many fall apart in too many different ways to ever want to commit myself like that

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have the same view as you on marriage. I don’t want it. How old are you may I ask?

I just find so many women don’t understand why I think this way! I’m mid 30s, and I use FDS to get the best out of my dating life, but right now I don’t plan to have a ltr that’s exclusive (maybe in future), but I don’t want marriage and kids - so many people do not understand my logic!

I mean, so for me, I feel like guys not committing to me is completely fine, because I’m not committing to them (usually it’s me instigating this lack of commitment), and then they can move on with someone when they find the girl who wants to commit. The negatives just outweigh the positives for me imo.

[–]princestarshineFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d rather not say, but not quite near 30 yet. I think you’re perfectly fine thinking that! I suppose it’s weird for me, because I’m be okay with commitment, maybe forever, but I don’t want it to be with the legal agreement of marriage (or sacred, as sometimes those go hand-in-hand).

That’s why I asked the promise ring question- it’s harder for me to grasp that people don’t like them and I’d like to see if it’d be different in my situation, if that makes sense?

[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is the promise if you don't want commitment?

Either you're committed or you're not

[–]princestarshineFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry, I must’ve phrased it oddly. I meant that I don’t want to legally bind myself to someone, be connected like that. I’d be perfectly happy committed forever- just together, living, all of it, just not legally (or spiritually) attached.

[–]ethical_slutFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Unless you’re me and would only begrudgingly get married for tax benefits.

[–]tronoz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree sis

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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